But the corporate retreats are booming!
I knew it. I knew something smelled fishy in Lemoore, California which struck me as particularly odd seeing it is 100 miles from the nearest beach and surrounded by cow stink but my nose always knows (buy here).
Something real fishy.
I had heard a sizzling hot rumor from impeccable sources yesterday that Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, halfway between an Indian casino and the sixth circle of hell, was being mothballed, employees laid off and canned future World Surf League Championship Tour events, including but not limited to the Founders Cup, the Surf Ranch Open and the Freshwater Pro.
The WSL’s Santa Monica headquarters came swinging in, almost directly, with an excoriating rebuttal, issuing a rare direct statement.”The Surf Ranch Lemoore facility continues to invest in new staff and experiences and the WSL is excited about the venue’s potential in 2020 and beyond.
Solid, no? But that fishy scent still lingered and lingered so heavily, blowing out the dung and industrial farm waft, that it cocked my eye straight into my brain.
Something didn’t smell properly.
Well, my nose, which always knows, was right.
Maybe.
For today two other sources even more impeccable confirmed that Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch will be dropped from future WSL Championship Tours because, “The pros hate it and are bored with it partly because the heat, partly because the location and partly because they have simply done everything they can on that wave.”
But, the sources added, “It’s supposedly doing great for corporate retreats and private buy outs.”
I also heard yesterday that Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch is the one jewel in the World Surf League crown actually turning a profit.
A VAL bull market!
A VAL paradise!
Google, Facebook and Perdue Pharma employees splashing each other whilst straddling soft-tops while their hardcore co-workers gorilla squat five feet in front of a barrel (I can’t remember the genius that used this line in the comments but I tip my drink to you).
So that’s where we are. Surf Ranch, as a business model and place, may be healthy but as the high performance future of professional surfing it’s unofficially officially a wrap.
More after the World Surf League’s Santa Monica brass get furious and call me again.
yes, i redid my house myself in the early part of the recession, so I scored, but my heating bill is less than 2k on the oil.
Add a nearby golf course, a Brooks Brothers outlet and Vineyard Vines outlet, and a Costco restocking WaveStorms daily… and let us be done with the place once and for all.
fuck really, you have a lot of AC? I have (or should I say the wife has a bad back) a hot tub to warm the bones, it really fucking works after a 2 hour 5/4 15degree/2hour session to warm the bones.. you can get too hot drinking a beer in 103 degree water… and our bill with all fucking LED light bulbs is 200$ a month. no ac just fans in the summer and we fucking go to bed at 8.30/9.. not sure what the fuck we are spending on, other than keeping the hot tub warm. we have the highest rates in the country they say, no power plants being built and no eco plants being built because no one wants to look at solar panels or wind mills.. I say fill the fucking bay with them.. but masshole libs want everyone else to fix their shit. fucking nimbys, i want the panels in my back yard, but the wife won’t do it..
Greatest show of all time in my book.
You’ve never seen Reality Kings of POV have you?
“halfway between an Indian casino and the sixth circle of hell” – the first time I’ve laughed out loud at the writing here.
Sank you bery mush
Heretics who are condemned to eternity in flaming tombs. Sounds about right.
A perfect canvas
Without haiku from Eddie
One of many, sad
Now you’ve got me questioning my very existence!!
Am I a flesh and blood human with a side hustle as Jordy’s Pout, or am I really Jordy’s Pout with a side hustle as a “person”? Help!
Frank would go
Here’s a small win…
https://www.nytimes.com/201…
I don’t believe it turns a profit, we all know how the books get cooked when something is too big to fail.
Charging $50k per 8 hour day is how you profit. You don’t need to be a chef to see that recipe take shape. Now, have they recouped the entirety of their investment? I doubt it. But taking in a profit over expenditure each day makes a business profitable. Even if their daily operating cost was $49,999.00 the price at $50k is for all intents and purposes a profitable business.
I miss Eddie Haiku
yeah…I have hardly been here for long, but where is he?
I’m never going to get on with real life again for longer than 5 hours at a time. There’s just too much risk of missing another one of those bonanzas.
Hoping for a left hand rip bowl , surf it on the incoming tide , wind from anywhere but the south and I’ll be like a pig in shit ….
I’m saddened to hear that beachgrit has lost its prime billboard venue
California also gave tech companies and their associates massive tax breaks to make sure they stay here.
I believe it’s the new state motto: “Tech billionaires and homeless, we want no in between”
The Grapes of Wrath and Microsoft ( dicks ) .. ?
Thanks SSD . Just need a few waves to blow away the cobwebs and get some sun with the family before taking on the Nth German Winter .
Why picture change?
Bad style embarrassing Tony Tones?
Got a pretty firm invite to Lemoore the other day. Fell through but.
In california, don’t they tax the fuck out of them already?.. if you make over 200 or 250, don’t they take 13.5%, plus your fed income tax which is 37%, so they take 50% of anything you make over that. (I don’t know the total corp tax rate, I think it is 9 or 10% depending upon what the business is, plus the federal tax rate, which dropped to 21% (Trump helping his buddies). Cali taxes so much people are leaving and moving to my state. we are loaded with new folks from there and NY.. fuckers all of them.. rich silicon’s, slippery with Range Rovers (the shittiest dick head car known to man).. aargh.. stop taxing them out of your state and keep them… Please!!! Fuck i hope they don’t build a pond in my neck of the woods.
What a great little fucking story for RU Ok day!!
Quit my job after 8 weeks of hell!!! thanks very much you can leave now and don’t worry about next week – paid me 2 and fuck off
Been 8 weeks of depression now can get back on here
Onya Tommy go treat ya self to a rub n tug, zinger burg and twenty shcooeys in what ever order you please legend
I think I will – may even get the tug from the wife!!!
Did you work at Lemoore?
I wish because at least I would have surfed the last 8 weeks and not had a car crash!!
Go pester Kelly with your thing again.
Nudge nudge wink wink.
Do yourself a favour and check out the 300+ comments under the seal culling article. I missed the whole thing and only caught up yesterday. Pure gold.
will do cheers
mate that was fucking classic – holy shit where did the peeps come from??