Who do people think you are?
I’ve been Tony Hawk’d my entire teenage’d life ’til now life. Skinny, tall, a bird-like nose. Stringy. Shifty. Well-meaning folk have stopped me in the airport. Arby’s employees have asked if “Charles Smith” ain’t but a nom de plume. I’ve signed autographs for thirty-year-olds who loved playing video games and I wasn’t about to burst their hideous bubble. Tony fucking Hawk has haunted me like an AIDsy scarecrow. An honest-to-goodness Grim Reaper and who wants to be that oft married man? Who wants to cheat on his third wife with the wife of the best man at his first three weddings then marry her too making a hat trick plus one?
Tony Hawk has been my cross to bear.
Until today.
For today I shuffled my six-year-old daughter to Party City in order to purchase her school Halloween costume (different from regular Halloween night obviously). She was prepping to be a zombie Pink Lady from the musical Grease. Zombie obviously again because what right-minded person doesn’t zombie Halloween? She’ll be zombie Marie Antoinette for real Halloween with a red stripe across her delicate neck etc. but I digress.
So there we were in Party City buying zombie makeup and a Pink Ladies jacket (official Grease merchandise). I sauntered to the checkout man, arms full of wares, and he said, “Do you know who you remind me of? I mean, look exactly like?”
I winced and responded, “Yes.”
He answered, “Yeah. I bet. Matthew McConaughey in True Detective. The moustache. The hair. The whole thing.”
And I have never been more elated in my life.
Finally.
Finally.
A look I can actually aspire to.
But it made me think. What is the greatest compliment you have ever received in your life (up to this moment)?
Also, I surfed a bunch of knee-high closeouts yesterday. It was fun.
So surfing. But more importantly who do people say you look like?
My buddies said I had a good backside snap when I was 16. Meant the world to a gangly, zit faced kid.
I’m looking for flooring material that needs “seasoning”, just like a cast iron pot
I used to get Ryan Gosling a lot and let me tell you, that made me feel cool as hell.
Let’s dance of course!
Was once told by a girlfriend that when the other girls were talking about endowment, she said “Let’s just say he’s proportional.”
Surfing wise. After just making a sweet head high barrel at Mermaid Beach one morning, my mate said “Nearly blew it on the exit” which brought me down to earth. Then said “Nahhh, if I got a wave like that I’d be boned up for a week!”
I’ve gotten a small handful of yews on waves (probably from fellow VAL’s though.)
i balanced it out
Masurbatoriums: Where hope for humanity goes to blow its load
Normally get Chris Meloni, though my favorite was Pauly Shore.
Under Pressure with Freddy ?
SSD , I would very happily become a citizen of the nation of Procrasti , except when I am waxed up and frothing to surf !
every day I get
“hot mature women in your area want to fuck”
Me too!!
i used to get the weird guy from american beauty, now i get moby … i have a good friend who looks exactly like shia labeouf, we love when he goes nuts
When people who burn me say ‘Didn’t think you were gonna make that section mate’
I scrapped with the last asshole that used that line.
A non surfing good athlete told me I was “graceful and awkward at same time”(mostly awkward these days).
All the Bra Boys regard me as their brother, some even got chest tattoos in my honour.
I’m officially now changing my name from ‘BeefnBeer’ to ‘Bong Bong Lawrence’
Doctors orders due to gout…..haha
BeefnBeer has gone Up in Smoke , literally … I think
“He doesn’t complain” – boss
I was working on a job site in my late teens and a middle aged woman working at a takeaway shop told me she loved what I was doing with my hair , and asked me what product I was using to make the tips looked sunbleached ? 20 years later in France , before my forehead decided to do a hostile takeover of my scalp , people would ask me what product I was using to keep my hair so dark ? Same answer . Salt Water and Shampoo ( when available ) ….
on a recent trip to the east coast, i had kitchen staff and servers wondering if I was dermot mulroney. wasn’t the first time i’ve been mistaken for him.