Hacking darts, gill-style.
Hacking darts, gill-style.

Australian scientists claim to have invented breakthrough wetsuit that is “Great White shark bite proof!”

Could all our hopes and dreams have come true?

Oh there, I just saw your hopes go up, go right up through the roof and I am sad for you. Ashamed even for if we have learned one thing on this beautiful shark odyssey it is that sharks, particularly Great Whites, evolve in order to outwit, outplay, outlast the human surfing race.

And so when you read a headline screaming Australian scientists claiming anything, especially as it relates to Great White sharks, your first instinct should be, “Australia has scientists?” and your next should be, “No way.”

But let us learn about this breakthrough wetsuit from the important academic journal Daily Mail. Let us see if I am wrong.

A revolutionary new wet suit material has been developed in Australia to protect surfers from deadly shark bites.

The new ‘shark proof’ material has extra-strong plastic fibres woven throughout that make it harder for teeth to penetrate the fabric.

The team from Flinders Univesity in South Australia tested two different types of fabrics that combined very strong but lightweight fibres with the neoprene material used for wet suits.

The new materials are more resistant to bites than a normal wet suit – even from a Great White Shark – researchers have discovered.

The different materials were tested along with an ordinary wet suit on Great White Sharks as they ‘are responsible for the most shark bite fatalities’.

‘Our results showed that both fabrics tested may provide some protection against shark bite and could be used as part of a shark bite mitigation strategy’, said Charlie Huveneers, who led the research team.

See.

I am not wrong. The study begins with words like “revolution” and “shark proof” before entering a more conservative tone “Flinders University” “may provide some protection” and “could be used as part of a shark mitigation strategy.”

You know what else could be used as part of a shark mitigation strategy?

Staying out of the water.

I think today is not a good day to surf.

I think tomorrow may be worse.

More as the story develops.

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Big M
Big M
6 years ago

These fucks will stop at nothing to keep people from hating the Great White Shark. Now they even claim to be scientists? Even Toyota gave up on them…

Chris
Chris
6 years ago

What about the clamping pressure? Could still break a bone. Or tear a hand or foot off

Rhett Corbett
Rhett Corbett
6 years ago

I would like to see how it stands up to a 18ft Great White attack ?

Tom
Tom
6 years ago

First thought was Ron and Valerie Taylor finally making some coin off their chain mail suit!!!
Can we make it a bit heavier and lots of VALS will drown or give up surfing because its just too heavy to even bother trying to stand up!!

Gino
Gino
6 years ago

Just as Scott continues to say surfers are the worst, these stories have jumped the shark.
Just say’n

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago

I’m way less interested in this than I am a suit that will protect my body from bashing into reefs. Can we get that going? Some kind of body armor?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

Would you prefer it in Storm Trooper White or Darth Vader Black ?

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago

I’ve been thinking about it and I guess black. But damn, Storm Trooper was literally was I was picturing.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

Yep JH , The white wetsuit is always a brave statement . One is either tripping or absolutely ripping .

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

Check out JOBS wetsuits
He’s way ahead of ya.

mine.mine.mine
mine.mine.mine
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

Been using a shorty, it works pretty darn well, I mean not gonna help too much on a massive day, but it works well for my head high plus days, it keeps the sea creatures from drilling in my skin too.. I look like I have a pox when the cunts get me.

Barrelled
Barrelled
6 years ago

What in the hell is that shark photo? Looks like there is a flare sticking out of its gills.

c4
c4
6 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Failed attempt to recreate the Bruce Irons flare tube ride pic in the Mentawais.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  c4

Surfers wore flares … Why not sharks ?
https://www.tracksmag.com.a…

Mild mannered civil servant
Mild mannered civil servant
6 years ago

“…if we have learned one thing on this beautiful shark odyssey it is that
sharks, particularly Great Whites, evolve in order to outwit, outplay,
outlast the human surfing race.”

With party tricks like smoking durries through the gills while underwater, never have truer words been spoken.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Card-Shark Shark do do do do do ……

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

By nature, I’m not much of a team player.
But now, having successfully navigated the treacherous waters of the first, then second instinct, I have emerged a new man.
I’m all in. A team from F.U. is a team I can get on board with.
Go Team F.U.!!!!!!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Matthew Flinders ( who the university was named after ) also circumnavigated the treacherous waters to prove among other things that Australia is a continent . The Flinders Ranges ( named after him as well ) are the site where some of the worlds oldest fossils ,from 560 million years ago ,were discovered at the old mine of Ediacara by an Australian Scientist ( yes they exist an also invented WiFi ) Reginald Sprigg and gave the name to the Ediacarian Period from 630 to 542 million years ago .

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

I’ll tell you JB, you never cease to amaze me with the breadth of knowledge you bring to this comment board.
Impressive. Brain cell gnar.
…hmm…gnarledge?

c4
c4
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Probably because he didn’t have a cell phone or the internet up until a few years ago. Can’t beat books

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  c4

Can’t beat books, but can break a book’s spine.

astro
astro
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Gnarbage… factoid od.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

He surfs the gnar.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

He surfs the brain waves.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Well, there’s some pretty flat lines around here.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Thanks Otto ….. While others were busy doing something responsible to earn a living ,I was busy doing nothing , surfing , reading and womanizing . Bass and Flinders is the name of the headland at the southern end of Cronulla just around the corner from Sandshoes . There is a plaque to commemorate the voyage of the two explorers and an excerpt from their diary ! Obviously we reduced the amount of sharks because in their diary they discuss how it was near impossible to sleep from the noises of the sharks thrashing and feeding . I discovered the existence of the Ediacarian Fauna in a book during a 3 month surf trip ( my last EVER ) in the Canaries …..

f u
f u
6 years ago

pedantic

SectionSB
SectionSB
6 years ago

Interesting Canary stories? 3 months! Nice!

@surfads
@surfads
6 years ago

Mathew Flinders circumcised Australia with a 40 fooot cutter.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

That explains the lack of great smelly cheese …. ?

Todd Schoen
Todd Schoen
6 years ago

..

Cameron Bartholomew
Cameron Bartholomew
6 years ago
Reply to  Todd Schoen

which scientist guinea pig was the first Great White chew toy during testing?

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
6 years ago

New wetsuit tech has surfer girl excited for trip to Reunion: https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

mine.mine.mine
mine.mine.mine
6 years ago

https://images.app.goo.gl/W…

“Hmmm?? I think ours is safer”

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Lovely to see Paco Rabanne move into the armored wetsuit market ……

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago

Is she caught up in a long net?

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

This bikini, despite Jen See declaring bikini season over, seems to be garnering much more support than my shark proof, crocheted, chain mail board shorts.


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