Extreme Grinch.
But what did you do on Christmas day after opening your gifts? Attend a boozy brunch? Head to the movies? Shiver uncontrollably while contemplating how finite life truly is?
Go surfing?
Surfing would have been the right call, paddling off those extra lbs, communing with nature etc. except, as you are very well aware, we are currently living through a shark apocalypse and the beasts respect neither life nor holiday tradition, religious or non.
And the Great Whites’ Jehovah’s Witness-like attitude was put on wickedly scary display at an Australian beach not far from Burleigh Heads that is proud host of a new artificial reef.
Our source, preferring to remain unnamed so as not to raise the shark’s hackles, was there enjoying a warm and sunny Christmas day with his family.
“It was a little onshore, not amazing, but there were a few waves hitting the reef.” He said. “Interestingly, when the council first made the reef it was super shallow and looking like there’d be a wild wedge but the council scooped out a bunch of the rock to make it deeper and, obviously, less dangerous. It’s not as good but it breaks and it attracts marine life.”
That dreaded marine life.
In any case, our source saw two teenage surfers, good surfers who are likely innocent but one never quite knows with teenagers these days. They told him they were going to hit the reef. He watched them catch a few early afternoon waves then suddenly a jetski comes flying in, snags both boys and races them to the sand.
Our source asked them what happened. They replied that they were circled by a Great White so close they could see the markings, scratches, on its monstrous dorsal fin.
The beach was shut down for one hour.
There was nothing on local news but much chatter in the lineup and in town about the predatory visitor.
“We’ve definitely seen an increase in sharks since the reef. We’ve seen a few bulls, a few smaller sharks.” our source said, “But nothing like Christmas Day. This is Jaws.”
Would Jaws stop you from surfing the new artificial reef?
Per the council’s description:
The artificial reef is constructed of large rock boulders and is 1.5 metres below the average water level at its highest point. Significant investigation and design effort has gone into designing the artificial reef, including coastal data analysis, computer modelling and wave tank testing.
It both sounds and looks fun but…
…oh I just don’t know anymore. I think we gift the ocean to the hideous, horrible, carnivorous sons of guns at this point.
I think if you received a brand-new surfboard under the Christmas tree that it be returned for a beach volleyball.
Very scary.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
Painful to read. Took a potentially interesting story and turned it in to a convoluted mess.
Where the F did this even take place? Florida? Not one single reference to the location. Is this even in America? Who the F publishes a report like this and doesn’t tell us where it is?
Greetings LGR! Having a nice holidays, kids are all home. Merry Christmas to you and happy new year
Who reads this trash? Oh, right, I do.
People need to understand that when you are in certain elements, I.e. ocean, jungle, savannah or any other places like that. You are no longer top of the food chain, you are now part of the food chain.
Thanks for clarifying.
Ok who shared the link to this to the Sea Shepherd page? Now we have a bunch of Euro back packers who believe driving around Australia in a shitty van for with a Sea Shepherd sticker on it for six months has given them a spiritual connection to the ocean and the right to tell us what we can and can’t kill in order to make our personal ocean going experience safer. I can feel the Caucasian Dreadlock grease leaching through my laptop screen as I read these comments.
we’ve got dolphins with laser beams on their heads around these parts…think you’ve got problems…?
Anyone want to yankee swap a shark tooth for a formaldehyde enbalmed shark penis?
I want a shark vagina. Have that in a jar up on the mantle for the in-laws to comment about and speculate on my sanity.
We need more sharks to eat these barneys so we can have our lineups back
we need artificial reefs built everywhere, we need more available waves to keep all these new barneys spread out
I’m calling bull, #@! On this story. Unnamed source you say!
You wonder why we don’t trust news outlets huh.!!!
I want my 4 min back you wasted by me reading this garbage.
My take away from this article was the pitfalls of having to do mother natures job of putting in man-made reefs so close to shore. This was a good intention for replacing what man has destroyed. Attracting GWS was probly something they didnt really considered. Hopefully they can find areas to put in man-made reefs further away from beach/surfing areas where people can’t access the surrounding water. But the name calling by some isn’t going to help the situation and if you are that smart why are you wasting time commenting on articles like this instead of actually doing something meaningful that.helps?🤷
This is an emoji free zone. Please do not contaminate our safe space with childish doodles. Please don’t let it happen again.
😭😭
I remember the Aussies talking about someone who was, “ Taken by the men in gray suits”, when I was about to swim at Bondi beach in January 1970. Not sure if I ever actually went in deeper than my ankles?
Cmom… xmas day horror??? Sharks live in the water bro. Maybe we should do an article human horror on innocent sharks.. the amount of sharks we kill annually is staggering. This is such a dumb article. Grow up
To totally agree were invading there home
I was once told that a shark dies whenever there and their are used incorrectly. I could be wrong but their’s always a chance.
No way.
The correct plan of action is to hunt and kill every last shark until the ocean is safe. As we’ve discussed here before, a multi pronged effort using every tactical advantage is key. 1: A team of trained killer whales, operators if you will, deployed by ships or even airlifted into hotspots to eliminate the threat.
2: Innocent looking fishing boats that are actually warships ferrying the most ruthless 4-8th gen Japanese ninja shark fisherman. Bonus is the harvesting of shark fin and penis for market. Will bring in much needed revenue to finance this war.
3: Depth charge using conventional and or nuclear payload to completely clear the threat of all sea creatures in areas where a contest needs security or for 4th of July weekends, etc.
Together we can make the ocean safe again.
Together…we can!
Hey Chas, you could say it’s been a Bing Crosby type of Christmas world wide.
I just don’t think we will get the sharks with webbers reefs as too much thought has gone into them, and they come with a pet orca
I remember going to the Goldy as a grom staying with my uncle and being warned in the lineup about the “Palmy Army” street gang.. All I could think was what a fucken lameass name for a gang and that I was not scared. I pushed my luck by mentioning they were asking to be called wankers with that name.. The guy that warned me looked around and seemed offended then paddled away.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
That’s what I thought.. dick worms!!
Sharks are necessary! To even suggest that they are mindless killers shows a total lack of intellect on the part of the suggester. It is this kind of mentality that is causing the demise of our oceans and the multitudes of species that inhabit them. Since you are what you eat I really doubt that any self respecting shark would be willing to give up their mental faculties by eating brain dead fools such as you all.
Do you want the oceans to be free of all creatures so that you can surf all you want! Such a ridiculous article and waste of time. How does jehova witness came into comparison of shark’s attitude???
No wonder people are not reading anymore as such trash are being written..
Yes! An ocean free of shark, stingwray, the jellyfishes, planktons, and lobstahs and everything elseis the utipian dream
If you think they are a threat then dont go in their water. Also killing off any species of shark would be detrimental to the enviroment.
Thoose lobstahs can pinch yew to.
Fact.
Earth free of Vermins who wish this will be my dream.
Hitlar shared yer vishion
A shark cympasizer hugh? These creature need be destroyed, every every them last one of them. Every kinds of shark from teblow sharks to malkmus sharks. The threat too humans is just to great
And especially the loan sharks that are endemic on the Gold Coast
let me guess. you wagged school a lot
The same thing can be said of the intensely stupid. Culling the dumb, say for example those so ill-informed as and narcissistic as to suggest such things as destroying an entire genus of animal forn doing what it naturally does in own environment. All because they “think” it’s man’s right to do whatever the hell he wants and probably because he “thinks” some god said we can. I mean think of the increase in overall intelligence if these mental defectives were done away with! Why, we would probably colonize Mars by the end of next year and figure out interstellar travel by the next decade. This would give us the opportunity to fuck up an entirely new planet that has sharks already! Yay!!! BTW, love what you did with sympathizer, you’re a true trailblazer!
You should probably research how ecosystems work.
Next, you should probably research how humans won’t be here if marine ecosystems are destroyed.
Start there… then if you insist on continuing to embarrass yourself, be my guest.
I would just add to his homework: research how to write the English language.
Man destroys what he can’t control. Sharks have been here for billions of years so humans are in the shark’s backyard. Man doesn’t have the right to decide who lives or die. Humans are more of a threat to them than they are to us.
Wrong! Man was created on the tenth day of the creation of earth by God. And he created Sharks and all beasts a few days before that. And he deemed man superior, and to reign supreme over all beasts. To utilize for our purposes. Or destroy. That’s what the old guy with the soft hands who speaks the word of truth told us. Before he did those things to me which he says makes God love me more.
He said it
I believe it
That settles it.
Tenth day? Learn about what your talking about first before you open your mouth on the seventh day he rested so where in hell did you get the extra 3 days?
Lol, I was wondering
That’s what the guy with the soft hands told me at our church. But he might have been distracted by my lean young swimmers body.
Creepy elder with soft hands said it
I believe it
That settles it
Humans are killing this planet and everything on it and I’m pretty sure that’s not God’s way. Nice try though 😊
haha Lloydene, Lloydene Lloydene l’m begging of you please don’t take my ham.. what are you talking about? What about the marauding gangs of the goldy, I did not mention oceanic biodiversity once. I think your confirmation bias is showing.
I believe you to be right but when they start to threaten humans its is a different story imagine your love one in the water and you losing them to a great white shark your perception after that may change. The safety of our live ones are more important than the animal is try and see all the points of view before Speaking on it
“There was nothing on local news”
So the mass mainstream media cover up continues
Shiver
Surf
Booze
Movie
It’s started here…https://http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/11...
The sign says the beach is “ciosed”.
Is this a NZ linguistic invention we should carry forward?
It sounds vaguely Italian.
Probably pronounced with a hard K sound, and a pinchy hand gesture.
It’s a mumbled sound — the c kind of becomes a k. Do, it can join other such Kiwi speech luminaries as ‘Nek Minnit’ and a host of other butchered vowels.
Nek minnit beach is kiosed.