But what did you do on Christmas day after opening your gifts? Attend a boozy brunch? Head to the movies? Shiver uncontrollably while contemplating how finite life truly is?
Surfing would have been the right call, paddling off those extra lbs, communing with nature etc. except, as you are very well aware, we are currently living through a shark apocalypse and the beasts respect neither life nor holiday tradition, religious or non.
And the Great Whites’ Jehovah’s Witness-like attitude was put on wickedly scary display at an Australian beach not far from Burleigh Heads that is proud host of a new artificial reef.
Our source, preferring to remain unnamed so as not to raise the shark’s hackles, was there enjoying a warm and sunny Christmas day with his family.
“It was a little onshore, not amazing, but there were a few waves hitting the reef.” He said. “Interestingly, when the council first made the reef it was super shallow and looking like there’d be a wild wedge but the council scooped out a bunch of the rock to make it deeper and, obviously, less dangerous. It’s not as good but it breaks and it attracts marine life.”
That dreaded marine life.
In any case, our source saw two teenage surfers, good surfers who are likely innocent but one never quite knows with teenagers these days. They told him they were going to hit the reef. He watched them catch a few early afternoon waves then suddenly a jetski comes flying in, snags both boys and races them to the sand.
Our source asked them what happened. They replied that they were circled by a Great White so close they could see the markings, scratches, on its monstrous dorsal fin.
The beach was shut down for one hour.
There was nothing on local news but much chatter in the lineup and in town about the predatory visitor.
“We’ve definitely seen an increase in sharks since the reef. We’ve seen a few bulls, a few smaller sharks.” our source said, “But nothing like Christmas Day. This is Jaws.”
Would Jaws stop you from surfing the new artificial reef?
Per the council’s description:
The artificial reef is constructed of large rock boulders and is 1.5 metres below the average water level at its highest point. Significant investigation and design effort has gone into designing the artificial reef, including coastal data analysis, computer modelling and wave tank testing.
It both sounds and looks fun but…
…oh I just don’t know anymore. I think we gift the ocean to the hideous, horrible, carnivorous sons of guns at this point.
I think if you received a brand-new surfboard under the Christmas tree that it be returned for a beach volleyball.