Coming Tomorrow: A BeachGrit surprise so unexpected you’ll forget about impeachments, Megxits and mankind’s collapse into vicious tribal warfare!

It's anti-depressive!

It was the great American philosopher Rodney King who asked the question, “Can’t we all get along?” The answer then, in 1993 while Los Angels burned, was a resounding “No…” which has only become louder, more resounding, as the decades spin on. The United States’ two major political parties, Democrats and Republicans, don’t speak anymore. Democrat family members refuse to invite Republican family members over for dinner.

Israel and Palestine.

The British are getting out of Europe and the Royals are getting out of the British Royal Family.

John Lennon and The Beatles.

Surfers who drive many cars and fly many planes hate Norwegians who make their oil.

Shark livers.

And is the world officially over? Has mankind reached its breaking point where brother will kill brother will kill sister will kill brother until only the blind remain?

Have you lost hope?

Believe in BeachGrit for one more dark night and tomorrow it shall be restored.

"Have you tried the champagne setting yet? It's to die!"
"Have you tried the champagne setting yet? It's to die!"

Let them Surf Lakes: Posh Sydney neighborhood set to receive world’s first exclusive, luxury, members’ only wave tank!

Come see how the other half plan to live!

It’s funny to think, isn’t it, that the world’s first jaw-dropping manmade wave generating facility is still exclusive and private. The fact that Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch is in “the world’s least desirable hamlet™” has not deterred its World Surf League owners from keeping the “rehabilitated” Lemoore water ski pond a “luxury experience.”

People, and businesses, apparently pay top-ish dollar to drive, or fly, to Lemoore and surf surrounded by cow stink and abject poverty and surf amongst it.

Well, Surf Ranch’s days may be numbered as a posh northwest Sydney enclave, known for designer penile surgery, is set to build a properly exclusive, luxury, members’ wave tank where you will not be invited nor tolerated.

Shall we learn about? It’d be seen as “low class” and “nationalistic” to not.

An exclusive inland wave park has been proposed for an unusual location on the outskirts of north west Sydney.

The Wisemans Ferry Retreat and Golf Club on the Hawkesbury River submitted an application to the Hills Shire Council on January 23 to construct a 13,735 square metre wave pool complete with a beach and lounge area on their existing site.

The pool will use more than 30,000 cubic metres of water filtered from the Hawkesbury while utilising wave-generating technology from American company Surf Loch Wave Systems.

But not everyone will be able to enjoy the attraction, because the wave park will be exclusive to retreat guests.

A spokesperson from The Wisemans Ferry Retreat and Golf Club told Daily Mail Australia they had been ‘told not to discuss’ the proposal, which was reportedly made by the new owners of the resort.

Which leaves us to speculate freely and wildly. Which Australian surf star will be the “face of the brand?” I think it would do this new pool will to acquire Julian Wilson’s board real estate and also have him act as chief pool boy. Imagine the swoon of the wealthy heiresses. It’d be enough to power the plow.


Nick Carroll you say?

Don’t be daft. Nick is a dyed-in-the-wool communist. He doesn’t go for this sort of classism.

More as the story develops.

Baby you can be my car...
Baby you can be my car...

Researchers in England declare shark livers as perfect “climate change retarding” alternative fuel sending animal activists into blistering rage!

Ecologically catastrophic. Or is it?

Now, in a conundrum not seen since medieval scholastics debated how many angels could fit on the head of a pin, we have What Would Greta Thunberg Do? An reductio ad absurdum so thickly layered, so powerfully fraught that the most intelligent minds of our day will be driven utterly mad.

To wit, researchers in Newcastle, England just discovered a biofuel cleaner, better, more cost-effective, powerful and theoretically more renewable than old french fry grease. The holy grail? Shangri-la? Let us go ourselves to that Jolly Pendulum and learn.

A new paper by a team of researchers from Newcastle University in England describes a cheaper, if controversial, alternative source for biodiesel: shark livers.

Livers can make up to 30 percent of a shark’s body mass and sharks are a large fraction of by-catch in many fisheries. Since livers are often a waste product of fisheries—and are sometimes even dumped at sea because of their low value—they have potential as an inexpensive source material for biodiesel. As well, extracting the oil is relatively simple. When placed in the sun, the livers melt, releasing the fatty oil that can be mixed with a catalyst and alcohol to make a commercial grade of biodiesel.

While it sounds like a plausible way to use an often-discarded waste product, there are potential problems with the idea. Of primary concern is the difficulty determining the source species for the oil and whether the livers were a byproduct of a legal fishery or the target of an illegal one.

“I would hate to incentivize killing sharks for fuel,” says Adam Harvey, a coauthor of the paper, adding that “if the sharks are already dead, it’s best to get as much a value out of them as possible.”

From an economic standpoint, if a market develops for another use of shark livers, it could contribute to collapsing shark populations, making the potential shark liver biodiesel industry short-lived, cautions Simpfendorfer. From an ecological standpoint, it would be catastrophic. He adds, “the next step is to make sure we don’t dive into this without thinking very critically about it.”

Now, back to dear Greta. I don’t know that she has any great love for sharks and might well sacrifice them for a cooler climate but… if the shark’s decimation could contribute to a catastrophic ecology then I can’t imagine she’d be pleased.



Word of caution, Elon Musk has already been driven utterly mad pondering this enigma.

Raised Fist: Committee for Equity in Women’s Surfing lobby Hawaiian state government for a resolution that will allow women inclusion at Pipeline!

Blue Crushing the man!

Have you ever stopped to consider what our professional surfing world, this professional surfing life, would be without Pipeline? The crown jewel of Oahu’s North Shore gives the professional surf fan our meaning, in many ways. Our raison d’etre and imagine if the World Surf League Championship Tour ended in… Brazil, say. Or Lemoore. Very sad.

Well, as you know, the women do not get to end their season in Pipeline and don’t have any contests there but would like for this harsh Pipe-less reality to be shattered on the shoals of equality. Shall we turn to the sporting website FanSided for more?



Known as the mecca of surfing, the little stretch on the beach on the North Shore of Oahu aka Pipeline has been the home of the last contest on the men’s championship tour (CT) for years. In 2010 women were barred from competing there, having to finish their seasons in other Hawaiian locations such as Honolulu Bay.

Now the women are no longer willing to stand by while the men get to catch the greatest waves in the world. The Committee for Equity in Women’s Surfing along with representative Heidi Tsuneyoshithe are now lobbying for a resolution that will allow women inclusion in the North Shore contests.

Any women’s surfing fan will probably remember the last scene in Blue Crush where Kate Bosworth’s character goes out and secures a monster ride on the legendary surf. The sight has been the motivation for women and girls since the early 2000s, however, in 2010 the ladies of the CT were sent away in order to make more room for the men’s competition.

Do you have any opinions on this one way or the other? Who would you like to see, most, in those Pipeline barrels? Who least? May I offer a suggestion? Overlapping overlapping mixed heats. Tell me that wouldn’t set your heart on fire.

More as the story develops.

Three type sevens, according to Bristol Scale. | Photo: Napoleon Dynamite/MTV Films

VAL update: “Bristol Scale” revealed in response to English wavepool’s anti-kook test!

A scale from one to seven. Where do you appear?

Due to a flood of kooks claiming they could shred, The Wave in Bristol announced last week they’d started testing the “expert” bona fides of surfers booking advanced sessions.

To get into the tank on its highest setting, surfers now have to prove they’re able to:

• Comfortably ride waves above 2.0m
• Paddle in large waves and strong currents
• Duckdive
• Take-off consistently
• Generate speed
• Perform turns
• Negotiate sections
• Demonstrate respectful surf etiquette

A very good criteria.

But what will the actual scores look like?

Will it be a binary pass/fail or will we be graded?

If we’re looking at a grading system then obviously it should be called The Bristol Scale.

Unfortunately, there’s already a Bristol Scale out there, a diagnostic medical tool that classifies human faeces into seven categories.

The holy grail of gut health is to consistently pass types three and four.

And yet…yet…it just works when applied to surfing.

Let’s examine.

Type 1:
There’s some ability hiding somewhere, but this is fucking ugly to watch. Why such a pained expression on your face when you forced that laboured six-stage cutback?

Type 2:
You can throw buckets, but you can’t link your turns for shit. And get real, with your frame you need at least five litres more volume.

Type 3:
Ooooh, now we’re talking! You manage to contain your explosive core with a natural talent we’re all envious of. Raw.

Type 4:
Smooth like a freshly waxed scrotum. All the over-used Curren-related adjectives apply.

Type 5:
You’ve got good flow, but that’s because all you do is cruise in your wanky “state of trim”. Do a proper turn for fuck’s sake. And get off that mid-length. Wait, that you, Dev?

Type 6:
When did they start allowing SUPs in the tub?

Type 7:
DENIED! You’re out of control, all over the place, and your putrid mess is screwing it up for everyone. Please fuck off forever.