I believe!
What is there left for the most famous surfer in the entire world to accomplish? He has eleven world titles, was both the youngest surfer to ever win a professional surf event as well as the oldest, will somehow end up competing in the Tokyo 2020 Games, dated Pamela Anderson and Giselle Bündchen and created the very first barreling artificial wave in Lemoore, California.
What else can he possibly do other than become the #1 disciple of a very popular science-fiction author, elevating him from mass market purveyor of schmaltz to prophet and founder of new, exciting religion?
The answer is nothing.
So thankfully, Kelly Slater is busily becoming the #1 disciple of a very popular science-fiction author, elevating him from mass market purveyor of schmaltz to prophet and founder of new, exciting religion but maybe you haven’t seen the hoopla around Dean Koontz’s The Eyes of Darkness published in 1981.
Slater, amongst others, credits the author with predicting our present Coronavirus, now called the sexier COVID-19, nearly 40 years early.
Per Slater’s Instagram story:
Compelling, no?
And are you ready to believe? Ready to send $19.99 plus shipping and handling to Dean Koontz c/o Kelly Slater in order to take your very first step on the Bridge to Total Freedom™ (Bridge to Total Freedom™ not a registered trademark of Dean Koontz or Kelly Slater)?
Well, cool your jets, young Seaorg™ (Seaorg™ not a registered trademark of Dean Koontz or Kelly Slater).
According to the internet’s “definitive fact-checking service” Koontz’s prediction rates mostly false.
What’s True
An image shows a genuine page from Dean Koontz’s novel “The Eyes of Darkness” containing the words “Wuhan-400.”
What’s False
However, Dean Koontz did not predict an outbreak of a new coronavirus. Other than the name, this fictional biological weapon has little in common with the virus that caused an outbreak in 2020.
But to hell with facts, right?
To hell with fact checking for sure.
I’m ready, Kelly Slater. Tell us what to do next. Tell us where to send $19.99 plus shipping and handling.
Finally, a religion for The People™ (The People™ is a registered trademark of BeachGrit but not Kelly Slater though BeachGrit principals would be willing to extend the trademark to aforementioned Kelly Slater if he were to agree to ride the BeachGrit tail pad in red, white and blue in the coming Tokyo 2020 Games when he figures out how to get hisself in there…
What?This whole article has more crao in it,than my rectum from the morphine I take to be able to function.Leave Slater alone,as it’s you talking and wherever or whoever he is at this moment is his business.Geezus!
Are you guys all stoned? What a lot of crap
Gritfun. ?
I think he’s just jealous of Koontz’s hair.
He likes your hair.
Also, to hell with the fact that influenza outbreaks have been occurring regularly across human populations for centuries, if not thousands of years.
Like, no writer’s research team would have known that eh.
Give him a chance and find out.
The establishment is not politics in itself. The establishment is the status quo.
Tom Cruise just said Kelly must be totally bat shite crazy to believe in such junk science fiction religion… sooooo
Kelly is just trying to divert the blame. He’s actually the engineer of the Coronavirus.
He started working on it as soon as the Olympics announced the inclusion of surfing as a plan-B in case he didn’t qualify. Think the timing is a coincidence? Ha… wrong! he’s maliciously jeapardising the entire Olympics, hoping other athlete’s will pull out leaving a spot for him (he’s already got the vaccine so he’s not worried). And if worse comes to worst and the Olympics go ahead without him, he can still post on social media:
“So glad I didn’t qualify for the Olympics this year. Can’t imagine the stress of having to travel to Asia during the middle of a crisis like this.”
Oh and Chas, get your shit together; the first barreling wavepool was in Japan. Coincidentally Kelly also masterminded it’s demise years ago so that he could a) advocate for his own pool to be used for the Japan Olympics, or, failing that, b) make sure the event is held in 1 foot slop so that he can blame the ocean for his loss rather than accept that at the age of 48 he might not quite be the force he once was.
prophethic or pathetic? Koontz is nice. I like Koontz. Shit, most men like Koontz, except the ones what like Dick…but do we like Koontz that much? enough to buy Koontz batshit paranoid ravings? Or is it just a question of nuance? Phillip K. or Dean R?
I haven’t ever read a Koontz book.
Is he actually a nice guy?
Do you like dick?
My grandfather’s name was Richard but was known as Dick. It was the done thing.
I like my own appendage, thanks.
I worship the blessings of koonts but never read Koontz.
Well, you might like him.
Personally I don’t mind.
Koontz will never be 1/10th the writer PKD was.
so, you prefer Dick to Koontz? or are you just a little bit Kuntz-curious?
Prophetic or not that is a dreadful toupee Mr Koontz
Rod Blagovich before prison
Hahahahaha I had no idea who Rod Blagovich was, then I googled him
Definitely the same rug supplier
If Kelly got a toupee like it, he and Dean would look like brothers.
Maybe Kelly’s dud stepbrother
I thought a small animal had gone and died on Mr Koontz’s head.
JJ’s gonna bow out due to a real injury, or possible fake one, to get out of the media craze and to let K.S. in……stranger things have happened……..
Kellys gonna get JJF “Gilhoolied”…
Wwwwwwoww!™ Deep Sigh,™ the coincidence is capital “G” Gnahly™ for Kelly. Even Deeper Sigh™… just like him to execute Radical Maneuvers™ like posting that … Exactly Right, Joe™ (all trademarks property of ’89 World Chump, Pottz)
Similarly, might we also credit the artiste ‘Busta Rhymes’ with predicting this outbreak in his seminal pop hit ‘Wuhan’
It’s got it all:
References to ‘ill street blues’, cruise ships etc.
You could cherry pick this til the cows come home.
Especially the fact that he is merely being sloppy with his pronunciation of the Chinese city in question.
When I step up in the place a-yo I step correct
Woo-Hah! Got you all in check
I got that head nod shit that make you break your neck
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
And you know we come through to wreck the discotheque
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
Throw your hands up in the air don’t ever disrespect
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
Busta Rhymes up in the place, true indeed
Yes I catch wreck and that’s word on my seed
I’m guaranteed to give you what you need
One blood everybody like Junior Reid
Wake up every morning yo I must succeed
Nationwide ruckus make the world stampede
Yo Willie mek we roll some weed
Mad charged nigga now I must proceed
Yo we ’bout to make moves, set speed
Peace to Baby Phife, Q-Tip, Ali Shaheed
Watch me knock you out like Apollo Creed
Body blows busting your shit making you bleed
Just feed off dynamic flows and take heed
Need more information homeboy then just read
Ay! You can read all about the pure breed
Do the bogle dance, man, do the pepperseed
When I step up in the place a-yo I step correct
Woo-Hah! Got you all in check
I got that head nod shit that make you break your neck
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
And you know we come through to wreck the discotheque
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
Throw your hands up in the air don’t ever disrespect
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
How dare you ever try to step on my suede shoes
Top Gun shut down your firm like Tom Cruise
Please let me get down and blow a fuse
Acting fools breaking shit down to molecules
Yo let me hit you with my ill street blues
Busta Rhymes always headlines the street news
Woo-Hah! Hey baby girl don’t be confused
Sail my seven seas and enjoy my boat cruise
I know you really want to know who’s
Coming through leaving blunt stains and residues
Sorry homeboy but your flow sound used
Got to pay your dues baby you know the rules
Whenever I travel the world I landcruise
If you choose to fuck around you get bruised
Now I got you gassed on super unleaded fuels
Give me room, give me some space yo excuse
When I step up in the place a-yo I step correct
Woo-Hah! Got you all in check
I got that head nod shit that make you break your neck
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
And you know we come through to wreck the discotheque
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
Throw your hands up in the air don’t ever disrespect
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
You now rocking with the best
Busta Rhymes coming through from the Flip Mode Squad
Boy Scout’s who I be
Straight to your dome, we coming straight to your dome
Bringing all new ruckus to all you rap motherfuckers
Boy Scout’s who I be, Flip Mode is the squ-id-ad
Busta Rhymes break it down like this
Yo which motherfucker stole my flow
Eenie, meenie miney mo
Throw them type of niggas right out my window
Blast your ass hit you with a direct blow
Bo! Coming through like G.I. Joe
Star Wars moving ill like Han Solo
Make you bounce around like this was calypso
Always shine cause I got the Hi-Pro Glow
You think that you can hide you think you can lay low
Roll up on your ass like Hawaii 5-0
Macked out with my dreads and my Kangol
Forget the Moet nigga just pass the Cisco
Yo! Take a trip down to Mexico
Come back with that shit that might make you psycho
Maximum frequencies through your stereo
Sorry this is it but homeboy I got to go
When I step up in the place a-yo I step correct
Woo-Hah! Got you all in check
I got that head nod shit that make you break your neck
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
And you know we come through to wreck the discotheque
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
Throw your hands up in the air don’t ever disrespect
Woo-Hah! I got you all in check
….
Uncanny!!
Otherworldly !!
Home run( without cheating)
Extinction Level Event
The Hurluley graphic design office is temporarily without photoshop but please accept a concept in text form:
“Kelly Slater wearing Hurluley-Branded surgical-style face mask”
Thank you for your understanding.
These Hurluley resource shortages are deeply distressing to the lifetime-sponsored pros amongst us
Cooking dinner.Unable to run photoshop in phone.
Public holiday over here in the magical world of HURLULEY ISLAND
Cooking up dinner
schemes. I like it!Is your production company in China affected by the virus?
Better yet, can you photo shop Koontz’s wig onto Slater?
That’ll be 50 cents please.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
True fact: The combination of bush fires and coronavirus threat have resulted in the entire stock of dust masks in Australia selling out. You cannot buy them anywhere.
If ever there was a business to have invested in 6 months ago, Chas didn’t predict it. Again
Just bought some
Bunnings 2 pack with ventilator
$14.99
Just the plain ones Bexy. You know the ones that don’t seal around your face properly. Me wife was looking for some for an art project for the kids at school. Not to be found for love or money.
When EVH did this it changed the world. Now 11 year olds do it.
Surfing?
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Can’t surf at night.
Sure you can.
Can’t play guitar in a wave pool.
17 will be the new 27
Based upon the picture up top, I suspect Kelly is more an aged Belieber than believer.
Has he won lotto every week?
No.
Well here are this week’s numbers
10 gmeds number
69 his favorite position
2 world titles so far
14 to come
8 it’s lucky in china
27 my luck number
So that’s 10 69 2 14 8 27
Edited
Translation issue.
There is something compelling about this advertorial, however, my credit card remains in my wallet.
Gimme direction. What will make you pull it out?
Well the desire just has to build up for me to the point where I need to spend I guess. My 5 most recent purchases (that spring to mind, not including groceries) and in no particular order:
A lower end singlemalt that was onspecial at Dan’s
Another booking at URBNSURF (meeting a friend there for an evening session this time around)
Army boots and camo gear from Aussie Disposals as a surprise for my 7 year olds bday
The Surfcore2001 Bushfire Relief Tee (clicked through from BG site)
Japanese denim jeans (an extravagant late Christmas gift for me, I had received nothing on the day)
I knew it. Just knew it. Despite what you say, you give no credit to Bernie.
I’m sure there is nothing here he would want to take credit for.
Look just give him a chance, feel the Bern. Embrace it. It is the first time we’ve ever seen a non establishment candidate have a chance to run for president in your country. What an opportunity you have!
Trump is the first non-establishment to run for, and be elected President. No prior political experience. And I can’t wait till Donald J. Trump Jr. runs for, and gets elected President in 2024. It will happen. And it will be awesome!
The Trumps are the Establishment.
Donald’s whole life was political from being a slum lord in NY, to ripping off contractors on building projects, to running newspaper ads to condemn kids charged with a crime, to developing catch phrases on his reality TV show, to demanding your last president produce a birth certificate.
You are being taken for fools.
Happy for you if it pleases you though – everyone deserves a bit of happiness in their lives.
I prefer to live in reality myself… maybe not prefer, it’s like I don’t have a choice. You know what they say: Conservatives hate education because when their constituents have one they don’t vote conservative.
You took the bait Party Pete! Never take the bait!
You got hooked reeeeaaaaal gooooooood there…
Didn’t I win, but?
Let’s just say “yes, you won” and keep smiling maniacally
Oh good, let’s just say, I’m used to “winning”.
The next four years are going to be rough for you. How will you cope with four more years of Trump?
It’s fine. The world goes on. It makes you happy and many others, it seems.
I can still express my opinions on his lying, cheating, spoiled mayonnaise sculpture, parasitic leadership.
So. Much. Winning. You’ll get tired of it.
Obama’s birth certificate was but a small part of a much larger problem.
https://www.americanthinker…
Yeh well your boyfriend Dump is layyyyyme
Bernie Bros Slogan ideas:
“We’re not racists! We’re white people who hate white people for being white!”
“When your policies won’t stick to the wall, throw insults cause that always gets people to like you.”
“Bernie is not a communist. Everyone wants to honeymoon in the USSR.”
“Bernie is Jewish, so it’s totally unfair to compare him to Hitler who was only 1/16th Jewish”
Those are bad ideas.
Chas’ shark articles are more factual than American Thinkers bs. Other great articles to be found on that site are an excessively complimentary piece on a white nationalist, an article claiming women ruined public discourse by complaining about rape, and they asserted that rainbow-colored Doritos are a “gateway snack to introduce children to the joys of homosexuality.
You’re fired
Yabba Dabba Doo!
Listen comrade
The left are dead set evil brainwashing sorcerers.
Don’t get involved.
Killing people is like squashing bugs to them.
I’m sure the dead immigrant children in Trump’s concentration camps would agree.
It’s been Conservative most of your life and you’re ripping??
Since Clinton, the Democrats have gotten more votes than Republicans except for in 2004
They’re chugging the Kool Aid daily, Pete. But kudos for trying.
Spot on. Sorry dotards…
Chelsea 2032!
Ivanka 2040!
Malia 2048!
Eric 2056!
Sasha 2064!
Barron 2072!
Solid lineup!!
Giuseppe (Malia and Eric’s illegitimate love child, raised in secret by Barbara, and widower to Jenna via a controversial inter-generational marriage that ended under suspicious circumstances) 2080!
How very modern!!
Nothing quite says democracy like a son taking over the reigns from his dad. Solid.
If Don Jr gets elected as the 46th President, then yes, that IS democracy. Elected by the People.
The DNC is going to use superdelegates to oust Bernie as the candidate and put in place Bloomberg. Bloomberg donated $300K to the DNC in November before announcing candidacy. Doesn’t primary in Iowa, N.H. or South Carolina. Shows up in Nevada. Has already spent $500 Million on ads. A billionaire. Ordered journalists at Bloomberg news not to investigate him. Has more sexual harness lawsuit NDA’s than anyone can count. Is racist with stop & frisk policies. Used to praise Trump but now runs as a Democrat. Is a BILLIONAIRE! Has more money than Trump.
But the DNC will make sure he gets the nod because Bernie can’t beat Trump. Bloomberg can’t either.
Bloomberg will be the Democratic candidate to save “democracy”.
Trump was duly elected. That IS democracy.
Do you type out all those replies or are copy and pasting them from a spreadsheet?
I employ my Rebuke Socialism Smartphone App. It works.
Makes sense, those incoherent answers just reek of a poorly programmed bot. Still fascinating technology, made possible by a son of Syrian refugees.
A people manipulated by Russian interference?
Just like the Bush’s
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
You should repost this. It’s even more prescient now.
I’d forgotten about that one. Some of those religious fuckos really do think he’s their God now. Funny to think those drugs he took to ward of Covid19 were derived from some aborted foetus. Hypocrisy is one hell of a drug.
Hes my mums age fa fuks sake.
You wouldn’t trust em with making toast
Yeh well your boyfriend Dump won’t even drink a beer. Wtf is that?
You are aptly named, and living proof of the disastrous effects of leftie KoolAid addiction. Seek help. You possess all the political insights of an autistic 8 year old.
Take your opportunities Occ
I’ll look into it
Bern is less of a non establishmentarian ( a sitting senator since 2007 ) than the orange combover man, and look where non-establishmentarianism gets ya. Fuck Bernie. There simply isn’t a viable centrist politician to run against Drumf; You cannot win without the crossover vote & Bernie’s appeal (like that of Spinal Tap) is quite select. He’s not going to get them off their tractors in Paducah Falls..
Dave Miscavage *
* Roumored, but from a trustworthy source **
** Probably ***
*** Maybe? ****
**** Ok he definitely didn’t say that, but we all know he’s thinking it so he might as well have said it.
Extravagant BG Japanese-ish jacket coming soon! Hang with us!
Theres nowhere else to go.
Sadly.
Is it silk?
Make it work
A signed SCOMO bio
You could probably dip your hand into my septic tank and come out with a better read.
That’s what Mohomo said about the bible.
But Still a best seller
Noone quotes that Koran rubbish