"When I feel trouble, I'll be right there for you."
Days ago, I became very worried about the world’s greatest surfer and international icon Kelly Slater. Our hero had gone missing, normally robust Instagram darkened, and no news other than the fact he had been spotted, somewhat recently, by overjoyed locals in New Zealand.
With the globe quickly shutting down over the Coronavirus pandemic, a disease that allegedly causes many bad sniffles, I hoped that he was ok. Safe. Somewhere with much cultural texture and intelligent people for engaging conversations.
Selfishly, I also wanted him to comfort us, to sing us a song like Gal Gadot and other celebrities, helping us to feel better and less scared.
Well, dreams come true. Kelly Slater is safe and sound, sheltering in place on Australia’s Gold Coast and singing us original songs.
Oh he doesn’t tell us he’s on the Gold Coast, likely hoarding the cultural texture and intelligent people, but his Instagram story holds clues.
Nut butters from Australia’s Naked Foods. Apparently, the coconut cashew spread is divine.
And the song he sings for us? Our The voice of an angel. Like Jack Johnson tenderly mixed with Yanni. It also appears in his Instagram story but since I cannot post, I’ll dutifully copy the lyrics.
“I wrote this many years ago but just realized the lyrics are fitting for right now…” Kelly tells the camera with such gorgeously serene confidence before launching in.
“Days are passing so fast may not make it through this but I myself believe, I’m better on my own. We made a plan one day to spend our lives let’s do this if our time is now please don’t let it go. So let’s just sail away, and find our place today, forget the yesterdays that we’re living. And ugly things we’ve said, time we’ve spent in vain and the mistakes we’ve made are forgiven. When I feel trouble, I’ll be right there for you. When I feel trouble you’ll be right there for me…”
Such an overwhelming flood of human connection. When Kelly feels trouble, he’ll be there for me. When Kelly feels trouble, I’ll be there for him.
And I am.
We all are.
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The ego it would take to post such mediocrity. It’d be like me posting a surf clip.
You hung with him much over the years, or keep your distance?
But since you asked; here’s a photo from when I was 5, with the pet baby mongoose my mom brought home from a cane field. It ran away pretty quickly.
Parents got divorced in the next year and everything turned to shit.
Oh well.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
mongoose on your shoulder while holding your willy. the golden years. such is life
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… From the looks of that screenshot, Kelly’s gone into quarantine without a razor. Which got me thinking – is he the only surfer of all time to never have been photographed with a five o’clock shadow? Does he shave twice daily? Or wax his face? Has he been in chemo for the past 25 years?
I hope he comes out of quarantine rocking the bald-head-full-beard look. Pro’s say he was intimidating enough back in the day, but imagine being a WCT rookie and coming up against this:
I knew you wldnt let me down
14 day self iso in Palmy, not enough chia or meth can make up for that. .
I can play with myself;
Smackity Fap!
nice,the cure,floyd,bowie,sabath mash up
No way can I bring myself to watch or listen to this lame ass fake hippy caterwauling and amatuer plunking.
Had a fuckin’ nuff of his shit this time
And to think I tried to teach him some accadacca the other day.
Fuckin’ kook.
Oh well, it’s a long way to the shops if ya want a sausage roll…
meanwhile, in the real world real people are having real problems;
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
well a frog thats got a chip on her shoulder, what a fucking surprise! The carpark here is full of vans of them
Perhaps if she’d studied a bit more in school instead of primping her hair all day, she’d be able to help her children study at home.
I was wondering about his use of a firearms metaphor.
Perhaps his shits are howitzer-like, as befitting a multiple world championship title-holder.
Kelly? Care to chime in?
I usually just go for oatbran, prunes, rolled raw oats, water and a pinch or salt in the mornings. Tasty, healthy and productive!
I sadly lack the wardrobe resources currently. Dezza is too far away to justify a ‘necessary journey’.
Just as well, or the entire comments board would faint from ravenous desire should they glimpse my bulbous aerodynamic physique.
When I was about 5, I was super proud of my real Texan cowboy boots , bought by my Texan grandpa, and would stomp around our Kaneohe house wearing nothing but them and a pair of my favourite lime-green terry-towelling shorts.
Good times.
Dogsnuts, Lemon, and the rest of the BG muso crew: we need to discuss this. It’s brought me out of semi-retirement.
YES!!! Please do!!!
We need your tender chanting.
Count me in…
Like the Gang of Four avatar.
Seemed to make sense for the times.
Gonna need a bigger roll of toilet paper. RKelly’s shirtless R&B gives me the runs
That celebrity sing song Gal Gadot started was probably the most cringe thing I’ve ever seen. “Imagine”.. all the celebrities not being able to keep their fur coats in temperature controlled rooms (ala Lennon) if the power goes out. They really should stfu and/or donate money to people who have lost jobs if they want to help.
edit* Kelly should be surfing and giving us clips, leave music to music people.
i click on picture nothing happen how i make work ???
Follow Kellz on Insta!
Can you sing us an uplifting song?
Hemi on backups?
No thanks, I don’t have the stomach for it…
Thank the fates for sweet baked goods.
Mrs. Topus brought home a Marie Calenders peach pie yesterday. Heavenly!
I am sure he is very tuneful with a gullet full of stones ginger wine. Guitars: enabling the less talented everywhere.
Is that a Cole Clark?
He’s apparently sponno’d by em.