Nobody gonna touch you in the Bu!

Long before Venice surf rat Strider Wasilewski shucked off his Dog Town beginnings and became the king of Point Dume, one of surfing’s great pioneers, Matt Kivlin, designed and built a surfer’s palace on a three-quarter-acre spread above Paradise Cove in the gated enclave Sea Lane.

Kivlin, who died in 2014, is the sorta guy whose legend would’ve been lost to history if it wasn’t for the relentless archiving of Seattle-based former-surfer Matt Warshaw.

A little detour into Kivlin’s EOS post,

Elegant regularfoot surfer and boardmaker from Santa Monica, California; often cited as California’s best wave-rider in the late 1940s and early ’50s; creator of the slouched, knees-together, neatly synchronized “Malibu” surfing style. “Many have been heavily influenced by the Kivlin technique, myself included,” Miki Dora said in 1969. “However,  none will ever be able to come close to this genius of style.”

As a boardmaker, Kivlin is best remembered as a co-creator, in the late ’40s, of the “girl boards”—pared-down all-balsa equipment made for a handful of high school girls who were taking to the water at Malibu. These easy-turning boards were then appropriated by the guys. The girl boards were the forerunner of the “Malibu chip” design. Kivlin and Quigg also developed the first narrow-based raked-back surfboard fin, a design idea that inexplicably went ignored until the mid-’60s.

Just as inexplicably, I suppose, Kivlin quit surfing just before his fortieth birthday and nine years later opened an architecture biz in Santa Monica, quickly becoming one of the country’s most sought-after architects, building over two hundred houses, almost half of ’em in Malibu.

And his old house in Sea Lane, which just came on the market for thirteen-mill, is a testament to his skills.

It’s a compelling sell.

Live the ultimate lifestyle with swimming, diving, surfing, paddleboarding, beachside board storage, and more all right there in your front yard. This amazing ocean view property features multiple structures including a four-bedroom main house designed by famed architect Matt Kivlin, a newly constructed contemporary guest house, and a separate creative media production space – all set on 3/4 of an acre of prime beachside real estate.

The main residence is light-filled and open with a bohemian vibe and easy indoor-outdoor flow leading to sun-drenched decks, a saltwater pool and spa, an outdoor gym with a sauna and ice bath, a big grassy yard and complete outdoor kitchen.

Across the Sea Lane easement with a separate private entrance sit the newly constructed Guest House and Studio. In a lush garden setting with a pond, fountain and fire pit the modern guest house is smartly equipped with a gourmet kitchen, walk-in closet, polished concrete floors, standing seam metal roof and jacuzzi. Across a big wrap around deck is the separate open studio space with glass and steel construction, polished concrete floors, sleeping loft, and Murphy bed.

The yard is alive with fruit trees, a veggie garden, ceramics shed, outdoor bathtub and ample parking for guests who are not going to want to leave. This unique property offers the best of California living, privacy, security, exclusive beach access, spacious yards, and gardens. This exceptional opportunity is ideal for creative souls, families or anyone looking for this coveted lifestyle.amenities by the ocean.

Buy, inspect further, here.

A silence louder than bombs.

Surf jernalizm is a queer calling at the best of times in the best of circumstances, and I use the word queer in the oldest of oldest school ways.

Pro surfing jernalizm is an even weirder little corner of the “content creation” universe to inhabit.

You gots to pay close attention for a meaningful period of time to something that very few people give a fuck about. You have to adopt, consciously or unconsciously the edict of famed NFL coach Vince Lombardi who said, on the subject of football, “You have to be smart enough to figure it out and dumb enough to think that it matters”.

Or something like that. 

So you forgive old Longtom for being in a state of tumid excitement for roughly the last month since a haggard and pale ELO dropped his latest clip with the huge news that a major, major restructure of the Tour was in the offing.

Pro surfing, as we knew it, was essentially dead and something almost entirely new was about to emerge from the ashes.

Awesome. 

The sport has been  ripe for change for years; really, since the 2011 mid-year cut that brought us both John John Florence and Gabriel Medina. That process of cutting numbers, changing the rotations of surfers in and out of the championship Tour was a beginning, not an end, but surfer dissatisfaction stopped it dead in its tracks.

ELO promised some more meat on the bone June 1.

On Hold until June 1, he said.

Great, I’ll be there June 1, stay up all night if I have to, to watch the unboxing. Four am Aussie time, I got the coffee, the new pen, the notebooks ready. The WSL website is devoid of announcement, no video presser of ELO dropping the new Tour in our lap, or at least a rough sketch with a few more details.

Nothing all day.

Nada.

That’s weird.

What other sport would promise fans a huge shake-up of the Tour and then just deliver radio silence?

June 2.

Nothing again.

A silence louder than bombs.

What happened to the timeline?

Did ELO forget?

There is a lot going on.

Was the Tour restructure delegated to an intern, maybe the same one who left on the Corona Bali Open VIP ticket experience despite the fact Bali is dropped from the Tour this year?

Were they too busy creating new engaging content to film ELO giving us the lowdown?

I can only speculate.

Not even a leak to a favourable media organisation was forthcoming. 

June 3, seventy-two hours after the promised call about both this years Tour and the major restructure a simple social media tile was released.

On hold until early July. 

What happened in that three days?

Did they not know?

Were they waiting for something? 

For the average gal on the street, no news is good news.

For a global sports governing body, a delayed announcement and then an even fuzzier promise to update looks kooky. It doesn’t inspire confidence in the man from Oklahoma. ELO’s made a career out of the illusion of control, but when  you let the narrative twist in the breeze for three long days that illusion starts looking very shaky.

So, what now?

Interest drips away.

We wait, I guess.

But can we be honest, amongst pals?

Yes? Good.

Pro surfing has never been an American thing. Never. It’s sputtered and fizzed out, occasionally flashes of interest light up the sporting landscape on the back of once in a generation talents like Curren or Dane, then long periods of torpor or outright hostility follow.

It’s an Australian thing. Has been since it’s inception, or since the southern-hemi upstarts stole it off Fred Hemmings and Randy Rarick, to be more precise.

No offence to my American colleagues but Australians have a talent and temperament for pro surfing that simply does not exist in the American soul.

The headquartering of WSL in Los Angeles will one day be registered as a grand failed experiment, precisely because it’s antithetical to attracting the best talent, which is Australian.

Run this thought experiment with me.

Posit a hypothetical, let’s say, Commissioner. Highly talented, highly intelligent, highly respected. Loves his surfing, loves his family, loves his quality of life.

Why would this hypothetical talent, who could be a grand bridge between American capital and the pro surfing fan base relocate to Los Angeles, when he could live, lets say, on the North Coast of NSW and enjoy the best of what life has to offer a man of his talents and proclivities?

Well, he wouldn’t would he.

Which means the WSL doesn’t have the calibre of his intellect in the room when the blue-sky thinking and implementation is taking place. The directional pull for global talent is generally considered to be towards the United States but in this case it’s the reverse.

You see what I’m saying, right?

ELO’s a great flimflam man.

But he’s not got the skill set, as they say, to restructure the sport.

Meanwhile, the clock ticks.

Injury, CoronaVirus and now administrative incompetence robs us of three years of John John Florence mastery.

The greatest Top Ten in the history of the sport languishes while Global Sport announces plans to get back to work.

Elo, where’s the motherfucking plan at?

Man told, “There aren’t any waves for you…”

A Brazilian retiree, devotee of the art of stand-up paddleboarding, and wearing a camera affixed to his brim of his surf hat, has told of the horror of being targeted by cruel surfers during a recent surf at Moffat Beach on Australia’s Sunshine Coast.

In a chilling recording captured by his POV camera, Jose Coelho is told by surfers – longboarders admittedly so hard to take a side here – to “fuck off” and “there aren’t any waves here for you”.

Coelho replies, ‘You’re bullying and abusing me.”

One of the surfers says, “Yeah, that’s right.”

The Sunshine Coast Daily reported the event thus,

Partner Kath McConnell was stand-up paddle boarding in the deeper, calmer water and witnessed the encounter.

She said it was “heartbreaking” that Mr Coelho was too scared to return to the surf.

“It’s such a shame because that’s his passion,” she said.

Caloundra Police officer-in-charge Senior Sergeant John Mahoney said occasionally police received reports of physical and verbal altercations between surfers.

Mr Coelho’s incident was reported to police, but Sen Sgt Mahoney said there was insufficient evidence to take the matter further.

Sen-Sgt Mahoney likened it to road rage, and said it only increased when there were more surfers on the water. He said it rarely resulted in charges being laid.

“Obviously there’s surfing etiquette and certain people feel aggrieved if that etiquette isn’t followed,” he said.

Of course, no news story is complete without use of that most magical of all words, just six-letters long, that sets nations on fire and drives entire peoples nuts with collective guilt.

Mr Coelho, the paper reported, said he believed he was targeted because he was on a stand-up board and because of his accent.

Of course!

Racism! 

What else could it be?

No reports of Moffat Beach businesses being looted…yet.