Unexpected: New economic data shows “amid the Covid-19 crisis and looming economic recession, the surfing market set for stratospheric growth!”

"I just want to say one word to you all..."

I’m no financial expert, but have hung around a few and picked up what they call “tricks of the trade.” Like, buy low but then sell high. Also, zig where others zag. Sound advice and I pass along to you free of charge along with this unexpected nugget gleaned from this morning’s investor news.

The surfing industry is back.

Specifically the surfing boards industry and let us turn to Yahoo! Finance for more.

Amid the COVID-19 crisis and the looming economic recession, the Surfing market worldwide will grow by a projected US$745.2 Million, during the analysis period, driven by a revised compounded annual growth rate (CAGR) of 3.1%. Surfing Boards, one of the segments analyzed and sized in this study, is forecast to grow at over 3% and reach a market size of US$2.6 Billion by the end of the analysis period. An unusual period in history, the coronavirus pandemic has unleashed a series of unprecedented events affecting every industry. The Surfing Boards market will be reset to a new normal which going forwards in a post COVID-19 era will be continuously redefined and redesigned. Staying on top of trends and accurate analysis is paramount now more than ever to manage uncertainty, change and continuously adapt to new and evolving market conditions.

Are you ever shocked to remember that Yahoo! is still in business? I am. Is Netscape? Should we zag where others zig and invest in Netscape?

But more to our field of expertise, which surfing boards builders will benefit most from the surfing boards market reset to new normal? I’ve got to think that Matt Biolos, DH, Jon Jon Pyzel etc. are going to really have to think hard about many things and…

…I just want to say one word to you all. Just one word. Are you listening?

Mid-lengths.

There’s a great future in mid-lengths. Think about it. Will you think about it?

Enough said. That’s a deal.


Shakespearean: Watch as Red Bull Airborne Trials turn into beach theatre, “C’mon pussy! I put Occy in jail! Occy’s in jail! I’ll put this board in your arse!”

High emotion yields a wonderful and unexpected drama at surfing contest.

Rare is the surfing contest that takes its theatre from the water and brings it directly to the audience. 

In this short video taken at Duranbah by Cam Macdougall, a sixteen-year-old high jumper, we see a freesurfer who, believing he was wronged in the water by a competitor in the Red Bull Airborne trials, “gutter stomps” Tane Bowden’s board. 

For further effect, he adds,

“Cmon, pussy!”

“You’re all fucking cocks.”

“I put Occy in jail!” 

“Occy’s in jail!”

“I’m going to put this in your arse.”

“It was so good, so entertaining,” reports Macdougall, wh0 was preparing for his own heat when the action took place, “pumping waves at a comp, blow-ups.”

What happened? 

“I was in the middle of a heat,” says Tane Bowden. “I creased my board which could’ve been fixed. I then grabbed my other board and surfed the rest of my heat and as I was in the heat this dude runs up and snapped it. I come in and ask, ‘Why did you do that?’ He said he didn’t give a fuck.”

The freesurfer, Brett Fairbank, a forty-four-year-old artist noted for the“positive vibes” of his work says, and this is coming via a DM ‘cause he didn’t want to do a phone interview,

“The sponsored guy (Tane Bowden) rolls into the tent with snapped board. I was waiting for my *heat. I’m like board’s done and jumped on the snapped board to finish it off in a fun way. He got pissed off then I have five guys chasing me down to bash me. So I just got out of there and went home.”

In reply I write,

“What was the ‘I put Occy in jail!’ line about?

I get a message about Occ (allegedly) punching him in the head when he was a grom and (allegedly) “assaulting” his pal.

There is no clarification on jail time served.

A further investigation reveals,

“I’m a spiritual surfer artist that enjoys a free life. I also do uber driving two nights a week for money I love it for fun and enjoy the conversations interactions meeting new energy. During the week I surf, and paint, and live my free life,” Fairbank told USA Art News.

Good times!

* Name not on heat draw.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBX-HANjDQe/


Mystery: Why do celebrities prefer and enjoy the worst surfboards ever made?

Thick n mean!

Celebrities are often lacking much, empathy, sense, the right time to make and distribute videos claiming responsibility for racism…

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBTO5XElLpY/

…but one thing they do have is money.

In many cases they have much money and so it regularly surprises me, shocks me even, so see them in “celebrities gone surfing” features carrying such hideous surfboards.

What the hell is King Leonidas carrying here?

He could afford anything and he chooses that? A board with rails so thick they could be officially classified as retarded.

And what about his friend Legolas?

Why?

Why the rail thickness?

I could go on and on posting picture after picture but you know what I’m on about so help me figure it out, please.

Love,

Chas Smith


World number five, Kolohe Andino, main photo, surrounded by sycophants, Charlie, top, and DR, looking like the long retired member of an all-male nude revue, below.

Listen: Kolohe Andino says any one-day world champ decider at Lowers would be “ludicrous and so corny, spinners and air-reverses” and rightly announces, “Anarchy is the only answer!”

Left to die on Todos Santos rocks by Tiger Daddy Dino; the bio film made by Chas that was never shown to the public!

On today’s Dirty Water podcast Charlie and I joust, lightly, with world number five Kolohe Andino who is twenty-six and lives in the Republican stronghold of San Clemente, California.

Myriad topics are covered including the never-released 2010 bio-film Charlie made with Kolohe that reimagined the then sixteen year old as a middle-aged derelict; being left to die on the rocks at Todos Santos by Tiger Daddy Dino; how ludicrous he thinks a one-day world title is, especially if it happens at Lowers; why he wants no part of a big-wave event, let’s say Peahi, on the WCT; his strictly platonic love affair with Craig Anderson; how he learned to suppress anger and save the lives of innumerable surfboards and the importance of home sauna.

A caveat on this one.

I’m not sure what came over me, it was earlier than usual and my sleep had been punctuated with dreams of my early childhood, the blackness, the church, the old men trying to diddle pretty teenage me, and so I  was feeling more peculiar than usual.

Forgive me father and please sir may I have another.

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Open Letter to the World’s Greatest Surfer Kelly Slater: “Are you truly and honestly a next-level hypocrite? Castigating others for being ‘triggered’ while ‘canceling’ legions of fans yourself?”

Easy fix!

Dear Kelly Slater,

You are a very famous professional surfer, friends with many other famous-ish professional surfers and celebrities. Boyfriend to other equally famous-ish and celebrity ladies. Successful, talented, handsome, fabulous-ish and outspoken.

Out speaking damnation upon environmental terrorists (while pushing wave pools that have been, let’s be truly honest, exposed as beautiful disasters) and the only surf website that takes comedy seriously (while blocking it from your social medias).

You are a hypocrite.

An historically grand hypocrite but is that what you want your legacy to be?

An historically grand hypocrite?

I imagine this will front your Wikipedia tomorrow and also be someday spray painted upon your headstone and/or Cocoa Beach statue because it is absolutely true.

But no?

You don’t see yourself that way?

Easy out.

Chat with me and Derek tomorrow, next day, at your convenience on our Dirty Water and you shall be free.

Otherwise, your screed today and everything else you stand for is straight and forever embarrassing.

No?

Yeah.

It is. Your sycophants won’t tell you but also sycophants don’t tell anyone anything true.

Yet you feel it every day.

Know it every day.

They also tell you “Nobody reads BeachGrit.”

Oops.

The fact that you are reading this right now should, and certainly does, cause a slight quiver.

See you at your convenience!

Love,

Chas Smith.