Somebody ripped my stick.
I have never cared much for Great Britain’s ruling family, the Windsors, even though my father once told me that we were 12th cousins with Queen Elizabeth making me part of that family.
Much of my childhood was spent pondering how many princes and princesses, dukes and duchesses, would have to meet untimely deaths before Sir Charles from Coos Bay could ascend to the throne.
A lot, huh.
12th cousins is farther away from Buckingham Palace than Sal Masekela is from attending Kelly Slater’s Cocoa Beach 4th of July party, I think.
But back to never caring much, since Prince Harry and his wife the Duchess of Sussex Meg Markle moved to greater Los Angeles my news feed has been littered with stories about them.
Incredibly mean stories.
Like, vindictive gossip featuring a violent sort of nastiness that I never knew existed. Really going for the throat of trying to rip families apart and make them hate each other and plot against each other etc.
I used to think I was an asshole but now realize my air kisses blown toward Herr Paul Speaker, Backward Fin Beth, Li’l Zach Weisberg, Ashton “Bilbo” Goggans, Kelly Slater’s sixteenth best friend Sal Masekela, Erik Logan’s undersized canoe, co-Waterperson of the Year and co-Owner of a Southern Plantation Dirk Ziff, etc. were so gentle as not even to register on the royal scale.
Well, that’s that.
Also, Prince Harry was spotted on a bike yesterday surf checking Malibu all by himself mere days ahead of the impending re-closure. If you saw him in the lineup would you leave him alone? Gift him a wave? Throw a loose shaka? Back paddle and send him to shore?
Have you ever fanned out on another man, or woman, surfing?
I saw Perry Ferrell coming up the stairs after surfing my local once but kept my mouth shut and my hands to myself.
But back to Ashton, how do you think he’s handling quarantine while being discouraged from awkwardly draping himself over his favorite professionals? Has he already moved through all the stages of grief or has he high-centered on the “eating ice cream straight out of the carton” phase?
Much to ponder.