Somebody ripped my stick.
I have never cared much for Great Britain’s ruling family, the Windsors, even though my father once told me that we were 12th cousins with Queen Elizabeth making me part of that family.
Much of my childhood was spent pondering how many princes and princesses, dukes and duchesses, would have to meet untimely deaths before Sir Charles from Coos Bay could ascend to the throne.
A lot, huh.
12th cousins is farther away from Buckingham Palace than Sal Masekela is from attending Kelly Slater’s Cocoa Beach 4th of July party, I think.
But back to never caring much, since Prince Harry and his wife the Duchess of Sussex Meg Markle moved to greater Los Angeles my news feed has been littered with stories about them.
Incredibly mean stories.
Like, vindictive gossip featuring a violent sort of nastiness that I never knew existed. Really going for the throat of trying to rip families apart and make them hate each other and plot against each other etc.
I used to think I was an asshole but now realize my air kisses blown toward Herr Paul Speaker, Backward Fin Beth, Li’l Zach Weisberg, Ashton “Bilbo” Goggans, Kelly Slater’s sixteenth best friend Sal Masekela, Erik Logan’s undersized canoe, co-Waterperson of the Year and co-Owner of a Southern Plantation Dirk Ziff, etc. were so gentle as not even to register on the royal scale.
Well, that’s that.
Also, Prince Harry was spotted on a bike yesterday surf checking Malibu all by himself mere days ahead of the impending re-closure. If you saw him in the lineup would you leave him alone? Gift him a wave? Throw a loose shaka? Back paddle and send him to shore?
Have you ever fanned out on another man, or woman, surfing?
I saw Perry Ferrell coming up the stairs after surfing my local once but kept my mouth shut and my hands to myself.
But back to Ashton, how do you think he’s handling quarantine while being discouraged from awkwardly draping himself over his favorite professionals? Has he already moved through all the stages of grief or has he high-centered on the “eating ice cream straight out of the carton” phase?
Much to ponder.
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Jebus H Christ! There are pictures out there of beautiful Kate’s royal carpet? It must be perfectly manicured and look just heavenly.
Should have asked Perry for an a cappella version of “Jane Says.”
I met Harry’s mother in 1997. Incredibly beautiful woman and also very gracious.
“In 1999, the Yale statistician Joseph Chang showed that if you go back far enough – say, 32 generations, or 900 years – you’d find that everyone alive today shares a common ancestor. In Europe, where lineages have been closely studied, that ancestor was someone who lived just 600 years ago.
A 2013 study from Peter Ralph and Graham Coop built on Chang’s research, proving that all Europeans come from the same people. More recently, Rutherford has demonstrated that virtually everyone in Europe is indeed descended from royalty – specifically from Charlemagne, who ruled western Europe from 768 to 814”
Well that’ll spoil Chad’s lifetime of dreaming how special he is…
I didn’t think he was a “prince” anymore. I guess only when he can make some dosh.
He’s still in the will.
Hahaha “future Queen’s Quim” is a great string of three words.
I know they could. That’s why they do care!
yeah, RIP. Mara, only recently read her writings. Good stuff.
Damn big life lived alright.
Was this bazzabitch, bleached git? Impervious blonde?
Pretty sure your old man got onto one of those “discover your ancestors.com” things
They amazingly always discover you are connected in some way to someone remotely interesting, or remotely famous
Just provide credit card details and they will tell you more!
Oh that nugget came to me pre-internet. I have no idea how my dad knew!
Well in that case…HRH Charles it shall ever be
As the old saying goes…Your dad knew you have a head that’s the perfect shape to wear a tiara…
This does beg the question…as we approach the North Shore season in a few months, what will Bilbo Goggins do all winter? All those pros to be fellated with no ability to do so. I sense a Chas Reports segment in a few months.
Like totally old boy!!
Huzzah for Hazza!!
On your game today Chas.
I’d like to picture Harry on his bike, wearing a bum bag (fanny pack), tracksuit pants w/ ripped tee and tattered old pair of Saucony sneakers, red rats tail hanging out under his backward cap, smoking a rolly and busting out a monno as he heads back down the Malibu hill to bum a couple loosies
I bet he’s packed a few fanny’s (vagina’s).
The word is that he takes penalty kicks from either side of the pitch.
International fanny packer. Being bi would get you twice as many roots good on him.
Maybe ya old man just told ya that cos he thought ya head was perfectly shaped for a tiara…
Hey, mate – have you seen “bellbird yet?
https://youtu.be/9DOiI_zYQrs
Hadn’t even heard of it till right now…
It was more likely Ed Sheeran.
Hazza would have been busy making home made marmalade for the protesters
fucking hilarious.
type a bunch of posts today Chas, you’re on fire. just drop a few day by day.
only hiccup, Sal and the Derek enjoy hot tubs together. does that make Derek Ke11y’s 17th best friend? does that make Chas Sal’s 597th best friend?
“the Derek”… Ha
We should call him that instead of just Derek. Like we got our very own Smokey and the Bandit.
Chas and the Derek.
fuck yeah… DR carries himself with some panache so you gotta show respect for The Derek.
Waves good again Otto… basically surfed my brains out right up against another closure.
Gonna be a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong weekend. fuck
Yesss sir!!!! Was fun!
Good onya!!! You stay local or do the drive S? Roads sure been empty. Weird consolation prize. LAX in 1 hr 20 mins from SB.
I took some insane photos getting out. Been pretty much on for two weeks with a 4 day flat spell in between. I drive.
Love the LAX commute. Sister said it was 9/11 empty. Too bad there are no international flights or else this Hippy would not be in this joint. My passport is so lonely… been petting her but she wants a stamp.
wanna sponsor a local boardriders?
Never mind Prince Harry. More dirt on Bilbo Goggans.
RIP Mara Woford
https://news.bali-villa-arr…
Will there be a eugoogoly?
wow, that’s very sad news
Hold up – a ginger Val on a funboard (midlength) with a Canadian Maple Leaf sprayed on the deck plonked up next to me in the lineup yesterday. Didn’t the ex-prince fly the coop to Canadia? Could he have been poaching my local on a SoCal vacation? Should I have excoriated the monarchical scum?
Did he smell of elderberries?
I dunno, is that passed down from the father?
More like a mix of dangleberries and tagnuts…(what sheep farmers call ‘daggs’)
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Probably just Jonah Hill. Did he have bad ass pirate and couger tats?
Nah, ‘twasn’t Jojo. The Canuck was paler, svelter, as they tend to be.
SantaBarbs is somewhat a swamp for celebs. Old and young. They sure look different in person too…ugg. TV stars always seem to have really large heads, so it fills the screen better?
I cant recall any that had any sort of ability or style. Seems that way for years and years. Cept for Jack Johnson, hes a good surfer, nice guy as well.
Key piece: none of them are actually from SB, hence latecomers to surfing = famous Vals, nothing more.
haha..yeah, I joke that if you werent born in Carp, you can never get respect.(at least at the Con) I transplanted to SB in 78, took a long time to get said reapect.
Now I’m ancient, and its all gone ! haha…I’d rather play the happy old local than the grumpy one. Yay, I didnt pearl….. again!
Carp lost control SSB… long time ago. It’s now a free for all.