Donald Trump Jr. (middle) taking care of business for daddy.
Donald Trump Jr. (middle) taking care of business for daddy.

Exclusive: President Trump admits to “not being a big fan of sharks” and wins over untold numbers of the swing surf delegation to his campaign!

"It’s true. I’m not a big fan of sharks either."

Once, eight years ago, I attended the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida as a VIP guest in well-stocked with Diet Budweiser. I was not a delegate, nor did I have tickets, but sitting at the bar of a host hotel that afternoon I knew I must attend and so promised a boozy blonde that I could and would deliver the surf vote for her party.

VIP ticket followed.

And Mitt Romney subsequently lost though I did run into Ann Coulter in the hallway. Now, eight years on, the surf vote is as important as ever. “Bad Grandpa” Joe Biden and Donald J. Trump are locked into an increasingly tight battle with the margin to victory tiny.

The margin to victory is us and Trump went out of his way to court, over the weekend, declaring:

They were saying the other night, the shark. They were saying, ‘Sharks, we have to protect them.’ I said, ‘Wait a minute, wait.’ They actually want to remove all the seals in order to save the shark. I said, ‘Wait, don’t you have it the other way around?’

It’s true. I’m not a big fan of sharks either. I don’t know, how many votes am I going to lose?


Try gain. A dog whistle to beleaguered wave sliders from sea to shining sea. To those getting eaten by Bulls in New Jersey, Spinners in Florida, Whites in California, Oregon, Washington.

How will Joe counter?

And doesn’t it feel good to be wanted?

More as the story develops.

Jeff Bezos unveils revolutionary new drone; promises “paddle-free surfing” and “ski-resort experience” in ocean!

Future, very bright.

It would be a rare surfer indeed who hasn’t, at some point, wished for a ski lift-style device, a pomer, a t-bar, to avoid the unpleasant business of pushing through a relentless short-period swell. 

Absurd, of course. 

Until now. 

Seattle-based mail-order business, Amazon, via its Prime Air division (launching August 31), has revealed patents for a drone-powered towing system for skiers, surfers and skaters. 

The drone would be very clever and allow the surfer to summon the drone to his location, fulfilling every lazy man’s dream of an easy and triumphant return to the lineup.

In 2013, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos revealed his plan for drone deliveries, something that has yet to happen, as well may be the case here.

Examine patents below.

Clever readers invited to respond.

Read the other twenty pages, here. 

Listen: “World’s best shaper” and modern Rasputin Greg Webber on pools, artificial reefs and jungle sex romps with Indonesian pygmy!

"He oozed closer and jerked his hips!"

I enjoy, very much, any conversation with Australian surfboard shaper and architect of floating reefs, environmental friendly shark nets and yet-to-be-built-best-wavepool-ever, Greg Webber.

Greg, who is fifty-nine, and with a mouth sticky with cocktails, made concaves his own personal fiefdom, beginning in the late eighties. Thirty-five years on, his designs are adored by Kelly Slater. 

He is the inventor of a yet-to-be-made wavepool so good that he insists it will make the little blue veins in your neck bulge like delicate pencil marks.

Wavepool sketch by Greg Webber, circa mid-eighties.

His shark nets promise a bloodless solution to Great Whites hitting surfers. 

In private, Webber will offer a complex case for single-sex hierarchies in society and will posit that we spend too long on love, lovers past and present, as well as sexual jealousy.

But, not today. 

Society isn’t ready for his revolutionary thoughts, he says.

Greg is equipped with a certain amount of arrogance, although he is his own severest critic and his range of criticism includes his life, his career and just about everything else.

In this podcast, Charlie and I listen politely and then clap like children after Greg’s opening gambit of sex games with a crotch-grabbing midget on the Indonesian island of Sumbawa.

A compelling reason to travel.

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"You sleep like an angel, just like Kelly." Matt George, with Hawaiian Matty Liu, from In God's Hands.

Miracle anti-malaria drug approved: “The fever, the chills, the convulsions, the romantic madness of it all!”

For a little sobriety, sixty-five humans were killed by sharks last year. Around 400,000 people died from malaria, almost 70% of them kids.

Last week, the United States Environmental Protection Agency approved the chemical nootkatone for use as a legitimate mosquito repellant and potential insecticide. 

It was developed by the infallible Center for Disease Control (CDC). 

Are you kidding me? Did my online chemistry class start already? 

No, and anyway you should really just read your syllabus.

This bit of news from the EPA is about surf travel and saving hundreds of thousands of lives each year.

But, mostly surf travel. 

Mosquitos, as we know, like to play give-and take with mammals, drawing blood as they leave a particular parasite causing the disease malaria. 

It’s a risk that’s taken when rummaging coastlines for waves in areas of Asia, Africa, and South America. 

It’s a horrible condition and nootkatone might be the end of it. 

From the dirty ol NY Times,

“Adding a new weapon to the fight against insect-borne illnesses like Lyme disease and malaria, the Environmental Protection Agency on Monday approved a new chemical that both repels and kills ticks and mosquitoes.

The chemical, nootkatone, an oil found in cedar trees and grapefruits, is so safe that it is used by the food and perfume industries.

Nootkatone is considered nontoxic to humans and other mammals, birds, fish and bees, the E.P.A. said in a statement…

“In tropical countries, malaria and yellow fever are major killers; elephantiasis is also spread by mosquitoes. Lethal Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever is spread by ticks, and kala azar is spread by sandflies.

Manuel F. Lluberas, a public health entomologist who has worked on mosquito-control campaigns all over the world, said he hoped that nootkatone would be accepted by people who fear synthetic repellents and that it could be made cheaply enough to be bought by foreign aid programs like the President’s Malaria Initiative.”

Sure, pre-trip meds and nets and smoky fires can help stave off thirsty mosquitos as you huddle in the night waiting for the next day’s surf.

But nootkatone, a natural substance found in citrus, is the first chemical to be cleared to be used as a reliable repellant in over a decade.

Tests have shown that it’s up to 83% effective. 

It’s also been seen to actually act as an insecticide, killing the bugs as they try to poke you. 

Fair odds, yes?  

I knew this was science class!

Yeah, well, this is important to anyone who’s planning their first post-covid trip.

And after all, this is serious, man.

You remember what happened to Travis Potter?

Or better-yet Matty Liu in In God’s Hands? 

The fever, the chills, the convulsions, the romantic madness of it all! 

As gripping as a performance as it was, Matty’s portrayal failed to share the slightly less cinematic bouts of rabid diarrhea, which fully eliminates the chance of a beautiful beauty nursing you through.  

I had my own trouble with jungle sickness a few years ago with the unexpected kick-in-the-crotch, snake-in-the-grass surprise. 

I attest to the madness, the pain, the neurological effects.

They’re real. 

Finding solid doctors in small Peruvian villages is a challenge. 

Wrong medications, wild diagnoses. Eight weeks of a PICC line shooting who-knows-what into my heart balanced by a fine bouquet of pain killers knotted my body like the midday Cross-Bronx Expressway, torturing the liver. 

All hubris gone.

And while the dramatic weight loss was flattering, pallid-syphilitic wasn’t the look I was aiming for that season. 

Humiliating and frightening.

And for a little sobriety, sixty-five humans were hit by sharks last year. 

Around 400,000 people died from malaria, almost 70% of them kids.

 It’s hard to wrap the head around that figure.  

So, let’s be happy for science. 

It looks like nootkatone will be added to lotions and soaps, easy to carry on your next trip and give away to locals who will still be battling mosquito swarms as we dance away, remembering how feral we were.  


Listen: “The Anti-Birthday Party is a political machine ready to sweep both Democrats and Republicans out of office!”

Can I count on your vote?

Last night brought us the official nomination of “Bad Grandpa” Joe Biden as Democratic Party nominee and official close of the Democratic National Convention in Zoom, Wisconsin.

Were you on the edge of your Barcalounger?


Monday will kick of the Republican National Convention, in Zoom, North Carolina, and will be much of the same except slightly weirder. Donald J. Trump will accept his party’s official nomination then off to November where Biden vs. Trump will dominate the national narrative.

Are you pumping with energy?


And it is a good thing absolutely nothing is happening in the larger surf world for it allows me and David Lee Scales to problem solve real issues during our weekly chat. I came up with a new political party, for example. One that is certain to get the lion’s share of the vote in the coming decade.

The Anti-Birthday Party.

It has no position on immigration, human rights, guns, taxes etc. but promises, with enough elected officials, to ban the public singing of “Happy Birthday.”

Such an egregiously horrible song and the whole of the United States of America will be 4% happier overnight with its disappearance.

Have you ever heard anyone hit the high note in an appealing way?

Have you ever been moved either singing or being sung to?

Of course not. The Anti-Birthday Party will bring tangible change and can I count on your vote?

David Lee and I also discussed Kelly Slater and hickeys.

Listen here.