The root of lasciviousness.
And the hits just keep coming for men and women who belong to the increasingly degraded “white” race. Body blows as each new day brings with it sordid, ugly details of historical, and modern, crimes committed by those who descend from Europe.
Microaggressions, melding the narratives of majority and underrepresented groups, inhibiting perspective-taking, forcing stereotypes that cluster into especially prevalent myths like the one that holds surfing, an ancient Peruvian dance, was revived by benevolent Caucasoids after going extinct on the Hawaiian islands.
Well, according to new research that narrative is simply not true.
The old theories held that missionaries coming to Hawaii in the early 1800s declared surfing an unhealthy pastime, the “root of lasciviousness” due its time-wasting, mingling of the sexes etc. and “stamped it out” by 1847.
Hiram Bingham declared that it, like all other heathen sports on the islands, had “disappeared. Nathaniel B. Emerson Lake and Palmer backed up that account in 1892, stating that it was impossible to find a surfboard on the island.
Uncovered histories, though, from British travel writer Samuel Hill show that surfing was being practiced on the Big Island in the 1850s and even on Waikiki as late as 1891. Likewise, those prancing the naughty jig shared it with others. James Apu of Kauai, for instance, traveled to San Francisco in 1893 and put on surfing exhibitions for slack-jawed locals.
So there we have it. Surfing was never crushed only to be brought back to life by progressive whites. It was, rather, practiced continuously by Hawaiians and stolen by us.
By the end of the decade, I fear it will be revealed that the only things white people actually made were Cheez Whiz and Salty Crew.
Maybe pre-paid credit cards too.