Rumour: Furious Hawaiian authorities shut down Volcom Pipe Pro 2021 after “Wozzle Schmozzle” at Pipe; world’s most anticipated qualifying event to be “furloughed” indefinitely!

Hot off the lips!

Hot from the wetted lips of an industry insider enjoying after-lunch cocktails on a Sydney afternoon so humid it seized control of his usual refrigerated composure, is the rumour that the first event of the 2021 qualifying series, the Volcom Pipe Pro, is to be “furloughed” indefinitely.

Hawaiian authorities, our source said, were placed in a poor mood after five members of the WSL staff, including its CEO Erik “Elo” Logan, tested positive for COVID-19 forcing a suspension of the Pipeline Masters, the first event of the new-look 20-21 WCT tour.

The Pipe Masters had circumvented the usual conditions surrounding contests after it was pitched as a “non-spectator film production with comprehensive coronavirus protocols in place.”

Read, Calls Mount for COVID-Positive WSL CEO Erik “Elo” Logan to Resign After Pipe Masters Suspended: “I hate to kick the man when he down, but in this case he’s lightly symptomed!”

The Volcom Pipe Pro, the most prestigious surf contest not on the Championship Tour, and won a remarkable four times by John John Florence, was slated to run January 29 through February 10, 2021.

More as lips get wetter, looser.

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Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
5 years ago

Here we can assist by defecating on the hood of surf cars but for you to do that on Sprinters is nigh on impossible. See how you go though.

Lucky Al
Lucky Al
5 years ago

but when ziffcap drops clit-licks via niche-asses like the wozzle and the wozzle then goes and makes a schmozzle, they call this a ziffcap niche-ass clit-lick wozzle schmozzle…

Lucky Al
Lucky Al
5 years ago

when the wozzle makes a schmozzle at the bozzle-pozzle on the nozzle-schozzle, they call this a nozzle-schozzle bozzle-pozzle wozzle schmozzle…

KongDonkey
KongDonkey
5 years ago

Just had my own conversation in the water with a “WSL insider”. He says the folks downtown were definitely upset and had made some comments toward cancelling further “film permits” but things have been smoothed over. They were concerned about the number of spectators on the beach, which the WSL can not control outside of the “film set”. He said the protocols WSL had were solid, lots of testing and folks were housed in a bubble like enviro, you could socialize with folks in your house but that’s it, or at least that’s how they wanted it to be. However the executive branch is heavy on the Orange County side (read anti-masker) and some of the big personality athletes weren’t really into being told what to do (imagine that) so shit was bound to happen when folks don’t want to play by the rules.

Surfy McSurfyface
Surfy McSurfyface
5 years ago

Isn’t Richard Attenborough dead?

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago

so Dear Genius / cultman ,how do you explain Victoria , second wave 7 x worse than the first , but, we now have not had a community infection , or death in 50 days …..you are talking total nonsense !

KongDonkey
KongDonkey
5 years ago

I’m sure the current administration, aka Kook Caldwell, down at Honolulu Hale ain’t happy with them at all. But new year, new Mayor, who’s much more of a pragmatic that wants to get the economy going. Fingers crossed they work a deal, it’s always been the better time slot for firing pipe.

KongDonkey
KongDonkey
5 years ago

UFC’s been the closest to zero of all the sports, maybe Supercross’s run was at or near zero. The difference here is UFC has the money, leadership, and a real global audience willing to shill out the scrills that pay uncle Dana’s bills. All three lacking for the WSL

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  KongDonkey

F1,Moto GP , America’s cup , NBA/NFL….etc , yeah still infections , but good bubbles….Nik “the nonsense” Dee!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

Dr. Tim I presume?

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

Cut all the way to the bone. Don’t leave any meat when you slice. I think SouthPark covered this topic most elegantly!

KongDonkey
KongDonkey
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

my ancestors have had a time share here for over a decade

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

Trojan condoms tried a similar trick in the 80’s, and called it AIDS. smh Didn’t work, because if you wear a condom, it didn’t happen. So, in the end, the populace chose to go in “unmasked” and deal with the consequences. Notice “AIDS” just kind of went away!? Oh, I know, there’s some people that have immune diseases but come on, see thru the Orwellian bs!! If the cowardice population at large now, will just bone up and realize this is just a strain of f flu WE the People of sanity can get on with our Lives.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

And Fauci was in charge of that shitshow too. At least then Fauci had the good sense to bring on board Bono from U2 as a “medical expert”. Fark, what a star gazer Fauci is, was and always will be.

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Yeah, I was taking my “expert advice” from 2LiveCrew

Billy  Crystalmethodman
Billy Crystalmethodman
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

The only good things to come from Fl is cocaine and 2LiveCrew

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Nothing like being a cult follower, eh Otto?

In case you have decided to keep the wool over your own eyes, Trump is in charge of the current shit and his complete and utter lack of leadership ability got us where we are now.

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Got us a vaccine before the end of the year. When will Dems give Trump credit for that? I suspect never.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Not sure anyone gets credit for that except the chemists and scientists that figured it out and developed the vaccine. What the fuck did Trump do?

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

And who developed it again? Most of the MAGA army seem to think that Trump personally brewed it up himself in his old wine decanter.

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

White House kitchen, with Barron

Liesel Wessels
Liesel Wessels
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn
Kimberly269life
Kimberly269life
5 years ago
Reply to  Liesel Wessels

thank you very much

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Faucci has been right for the last 6 mths , he has continually warned the USA about wearing masks, social distancing , and lockdowns ….but oh no , we have experts here that know better than the scientists…living in their own little bubbles of conspiracy and denial…..3000 deaths a day , 1/4 million infections a day…..23000 people infected during the Orange dummy spitters rally’s , 700 dead, seems reasonable if you are a cult follower………you didn’t act on what Faucci said , pandemic out of control….economy still tanking……we all could be saved yet when Don declares martial law!

Otto
Otto
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Did your oncologist prescribe daily dosage of Trump hate ramblings?

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Don Hate ramblings or just the facts his cult will not read or take onboard!
Just because ol Don is responsible for 1000’s of thousands of death and suffering , an unhealthy economy…….

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

The information that my compartment has on Fauxi is brutal. I’m not sure the political map but that info should be out soon. It’s funny watching sheep bahhh the TV propaganda song. Hate to wreck ur little World but 90% of what they pump to you is BS! 20 YRS ago I would’ve thought u would just naturally be a no nonsense hard mf. OOPS

Kate Leroche
Kate Leroche
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn
Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

maybe trump has a condom on his head filled with bleach , so no issues with any kind of flu/pandemic .
The cult says it’s a flu , the rest of the world calls it a pandemic , carry on Mr SANE LOL!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

You drink condoms filled with head what?

Brutus
Brutus
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

just an idea for the Don to further his cult status , as the supreme leader of his bleached cult followers…..or maybe just nuke a hurricane ,even claim his still President , so I think a condom on his head filled with bleach and maybe some UV lights in his MAGA cap could really excite his followers and give him more……$’s LOL!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Were about to park one of OUR Navy fleets on ur rock to protect you. Looks like I’ll be shifting my investments to ur markets since the money will be flowing soon. Oh….YOUR WELCOME!!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

Did you know there is a drug that prevents HIV called prep or smthn. .all gays are on it and STDs are exploding!!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

I still dont think gay is a real thing. Seriously! Who doesn’t just want to dive into a wet pussy!!??

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

It’s a malfunction

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

Note to self; Short, “SCOR”!!!!!

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago

Yes, there are. Just not many, if any, of full Hawaiian blood. But there’s plenty Hawaiians around, they just aren’t the loud, in your face types that you see constantly.

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
5 years ago

Moist

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
5 years ago

WSL owns the license for that event.

Maybe a bit of payback.

Maybe allows the WSL to re-set the Masters into that time slot in 2022.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

The Hawaiians are probably just going to make them sweat a bit and jump through a bunch of hoops to prove a point.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

That’d be epic

John Wayne
John Wayne
5 years ago

Does this mean Elo will be getting a visit from Uncle Eddie soon?

Will Sunset go ahead?

So many questions.

Uneducated
Uneducated
5 years ago

Plying someone with alcohol for personal gain is an honourable and highly effective strategy

I’m just not sure getting insider secrets about the wsl is the most constructive use of the tactic

astro
astro
5 years ago
Reply to  Uneducated

Hahahahar – you’re right ! We can speculate wildly here but they always go lower, fuck it up biggerer than we can even dream of.
Save the money Dez ya dopey prick !

Shampoo Poo
Shampoo Poo
5 years ago

Looks like the wealthiest camel has the biggest hump.

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
5 years ago

I’m waiting for surfing to become so cool that it becomes uncool again.

Hippy
Hippy
5 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

the only hope

ricmatic
ricmatic
5 years ago

I think every event should be at pipe. fuck all that other shit

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Gals too?

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago

That’s a resounding, NO!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

Beach candy! Edit: TW can have a competition of which one can keep their fist in the air, while wearing a thong. It’s a tradition now….

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
5 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

why don’t the WSL make commercials featuring the surfers who hate the idea of the final being at trestles “forgiving skatepark”!?…. hold the “final” at a fire coral slab I say (sorry pip).


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