"Why a beachside Australian village turned down the World Surf League."

The Guardian is the UK broadsheet for the discerning eco-left virtue signaller who cares deeply about the working class as long as they stay out of their garden and think buying a five quid pack of vegan sausages is radical direct action. 

They do occasionally print some actual journalism though, one of the only UK nationals that still do that these days. 

They’re also the only example of an internationally known paper, as far as I can ascertain, that’s printed anything about The Lennox Head WSL Fiasco.

Quite a long piece in fact, that isn’t even that embarrassing.

(Read here.)

They appear to have gone for the classic “quaint little surf town opposes lure of vulgar capitalist super-spreader” angle, plus the usual references to John John, Gabby, Slater, et al for the clicks. 

The whole thing kind of reminds me of that film Local Hero. 

There’re some quotes from both the mayor, deputy mayor and the “head local”, and a reference to a possible protest paddle-out, almost certainly the first time that phrase has ever been printed in any international broadsheet. 

Weird though that the disgruntlement of locals is referred to under the umbrella grievance of not being “able to use headlands for seventeen days over period the competition held and set up [sic]”.

Aforementioned vulgar capitalist super-spreaders are given their say right at the end.

“Unfortunately, the timing is not right to move forward with the event as planned as the council did not approve our proposed event permit. We appreciate the feedback from all stakeholders who were consulted and look forward to exploring alternative locations for a fourth championship tour event in Australia in 2021.”

So dry and corporate you can barely detect the reek of sour grapes. 

The only serious major omission?

Stab gets a mention but no credit at all to BeachGrit’s own tireless investigative efforts.

They’ll be getting a strongly worded letter. 

"We’re a town with little man’s syndrome, forever in nearby Sydney’s shadow, and will jump at the chance for any spectacle to put us on the global map."

With Lennox’s stunning bitch slap still ringing in its ears, the WSL has been forced to scramble and find a fourth location for its earmarked Australian leg of the tour.

But with COVID outbreaks continuing to pop off across the country and state border crossings currently resembling a game of snakes and ladders, pressure is mounting on the Woz to find a suitable spot that’s not likely to shut up shop the moment some poor sod gets the spicy cough.

Half-sucked cocks etc.

Not much time, not many options.

Easy, no? No?

As it turns out, the answer might be right in my own backyard. Newcastle, NSW, Australia.

Your correspondent joked in the comments section yesterday about the potential for NSW’s second to third largest city embracing the tour to its bosom like a roadside madame would a weary traveller.

Sources say there had been some quiet back channeling going on for some weeks between the WSL, Destination NSW and Newcastle council regarding Newy as a potential back up location, despite our six star ‘QS being cancelled for the first time in, like, forty years due to COVID.

Turns out I wasn’t far off the mark.

Sources say there had been some quiet back channeling going on for some weeks between the WSL, Destination NSW and Newcastle council regarding Newy as a potential back up location, despite our six star ‘QS being cancelled for the first time in, like, forty years due to COVID.

It’s now being reported in the local rag that our Lord Mayor has been in direct conversations with tour officials on the possibility.

From behind the paywall:

Newcastle lord mayor Nuatali Nelmes confirmed the ongoing negotiations on Thursday and said the city was ready and willing to host the Championship Tour.

“Bringing a WSL tour event to Newcastle would be a coup for the city and something we are actively working on with the NSW government,” she said. “It’s been fantastic to have the support of the NSW government and Deputy Premier John Barilaro to work on attracting the premier international WSL event back to NSW and Newcastle. Aside from offering a fantastic sporting spectacle … the event would be a major economic and confidence boost to our tourism sector at a time when operators are still struggling to overcome the effects of COVID-19 on their businesses.”

The WSL did not deny its interest in staging a round in Newcastle, saying it “continues to have conversations” with Australia’s state governments about event locations.

Yes! Newy! Home to Surfest, one of the longest running comps in the country.

Scene to some of the greatest competitive stunts in surfing history, like the surf off between all twelve(then) world champions in ‘99 or the time Layne Beachley took on Andy Irons in the men’s division – first female to ever do it – only for them to come fourth and third in their round three heat, respectively.

We’re a town with little man’s syndrome, forever in nearby Sydney’s shadow, and will jump at the chance for any spectacle to put us on the global map.

It’s also a cracking time of year for waves. The annual Nudie Australian Boardriders Battle (held around February/March every year) has been saturated with memorable swells for three years running now.

April’s just as good a time, if not better.

Would the local community be in support of the event? With the right planning and safety protocols, I’d say yes.

None of the issues that plagued Lennox apply to us here.

However, it’s widely recognised that Newcastle is my town.

Any event won’t get the go ahead without my Don-like nod of approval.

WSL: please leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a Woolworths shopping bag buried under the southern lifeguard flag at Newcastle beach in the next 24 hours, and we can take it from there.

"A mixture of shock and awe!"

A little inflatable raft three miles offshore ain’t the finest podium to view the majestic wanderings of a ten-foot Great White shark.

Perth dad Brett Martin and his kid Archie were slaying fish off Rottnest Island, the eight-mile long hunk of rock that keeps any sort of meaningful swell from hitting West Oz’s capital, when the White started to circle the little boat.

(Click here to watch the video.)

“Really all it had to do was open its mouth and take a bite of that inflatable airtube and the boat would have gone down… we were all freaking out a bit. It’s a mixture of shock and awe,” Brett told 7NEWS.

The kid kept telling his old boy that they should get the hell out and said he was “a bit scared but at the same time just amazed by that massive creature coming at me.”

“After we had a good look and interaction, we said, ‘it’s time to go!’” says Brett.

Last week, the University of Florida declared Australia the “shark attack capital of the world” with twelve fatal attacks in 2020.

“It’s a dramatic spike, but it’s not yet cause for alarm,” the Director of the Florida Museum of Natural History’s shark research program Gavin Naylor said. “I think the frequency of White sharks swimming in the same places as humans may be on the rise, but if so, we don’t yet know the cause.”