"Hey, man, what I’m offering is a professional situation here. I’m offering you a WCT."

Newspaper for eco-left virtue signallers reports on WSL’s Lennox Head fiasco: “Quaint little surf town opposes lure of vulgar capitalist super-spreader!”

"Why a beachside Australian village turned down the World Surf League."

The Guardian is the UK broadsheet for the discerning eco-left virtue signaller who cares deeply about the working class as long as they stay out of their garden and think buying a five quid pack of vegan sausages is radical direct action. 

They do occasionally print some actual journalism though, one of the only UK nationals that still do that these days. 

They’re also the only example of an internationally known paper, as far as I can ascertain, that’s printed anything about The Lennox Head WSL Fiasco.

Quite a long piece in fact, that isn’t even that embarrassing.

(Read here.)

They appear to have gone for the classic “quaint little surf town opposes lure of vulgar capitalist super-spreader” angle, plus the usual references to John John, Gabby, Slater, et al for the clicks. 

The whole thing kind of reminds me of that film Local Hero. 

There’re some quotes from both the mayor, deputy mayor and the “head local”, and a reference to a possible protest paddle-out, almost certainly the first time that phrase has ever been printed in any international broadsheet. 

Weird though that the disgruntlement of locals is referred to under the umbrella grievance of not being “able to use headlands for seventeen days over period the competition held and set up [sic]”.

Aforementioned vulgar capitalist super-spreaders are given their say right at the end.

“Unfortunately, the timing is not right to move forward with the event as planned as the council did not approve our proposed event permit. We appreciate the feedback from all stakeholders who were consulted and look forward to exploring alternative locations for a fourth championship tour event in Australia in 2021.”

So dry and corporate you can barely detect the reek of sour grapes. 

The only serious major omission?

Stab gets a mention but no credit at all to BeachGrit’s own tireless investigative efforts.

They’ll be getting a strongly worded letter. 

Julian Wilson, winner of the 2020 Surfest and currently living in Newcastle, alongside runner-up Ryan Callinan, born, bred Newy. | Photo: WSL

Just in: WSL turns to Newcastle after dramatic sinking of proposed easter contest at Lennox Head!

"We’re a town with little man’s syndrome, forever in nearby Sydney’s shadow, and will jump at the chance for any spectacle to put us on the global map."

With Lennox’s stunning bitch slap still ringing in its ears, the WSL has been forced to scramble and find a fourth location for its earmarked Australian leg of the tour.

But with COVID outbreaks continuing to pop off across the country and state border crossings currently resembling a game of snakes and ladders, pressure is mounting on the Woz to find a suitable spot that’s not likely to shut up shop the moment some poor sod gets the spicy cough.

Half-sucked cocks etc.

Not much time, not many options.

Easy, no? No?

As it turns out, the answer might be right in my own backyard. Newcastle, NSW, Australia.

Your correspondent joked in the comments section yesterday about the potential for NSW’s second to third largest city embracing the tour to its bosom like a roadside madame would a weary traveller.

Sources say there had been some quiet back channeling going on for some weeks between the WSL, Destination NSW and Newcastle council regarding Newy as a potential back up location, despite our six star ‘QS being cancelled for the first time in, like, forty years due to COVID.

Turns out I wasn’t far off the mark.

Sources say there had been some quiet back channeling going on for some weeks between the WSL, Destination NSW and Newcastle council regarding Newy as a potential back up location, despite our six star ‘QS being cancelled for the first time in, like, forty years due to COVID.

It’s now being reported in the local rag that our Lord Mayor has been in direct conversations with tour officials on the possibility.

From behind the paywall:

Newcastle lord mayor Nuatali Nelmes confirmed the ongoing negotiations on Thursday and said the city was ready and willing to host the Championship Tour.

“Bringing a WSL tour event to Newcastle would be a coup for the city and something we are actively working on with the NSW government,” she said. “It’s been fantastic to have the support of the NSW government and Deputy Premier John Barilaro to work on attracting the premier international WSL event back to NSW and Newcastle. Aside from offering a fantastic sporting spectacle … the event would be a major economic and confidence boost to our tourism sector at a time when operators are still struggling to overcome the effects of COVID-19 on their businesses.”

The WSL did not deny its interest in staging a round in Newcastle, saying it “continues to have conversations” with Australia’s state governments about event locations.

Yes! Newy! Home to Surfest, one of the longest running comps in the country.

Scene to some of the greatest competitive stunts in surfing history, like the surf off between all twelve(then) world champions in ‘99 or the time Layne Beachley took on Andy Irons in the men’s division – first female to ever do it – only for them to come fourth and third in their round three heat, respectively.

We’re a town with little man’s syndrome, forever in nearby Sydney’s shadow, and will jump at the chance for any spectacle to put us on the global map.

It’s also a cracking time of year for waves. The annual Nudie Australian Boardriders Battle (held around February/March every year) has been saturated with memorable swells for three years running now.

April’s just as good a time, if not better.

Would the local community be in support of the event? With the right planning and safety protocols, I’d say yes.

None of the issues that plagued Lennox apply to us here.

However, it’s widely recognised that Newcastle is my town.

Any event won’t get the go ahead without my Don-like nod of approval.

WSL: please leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a Woolworths shopping bag buried under the southern lifeguard flag at Newcastle beach in the next 24 hours, and we can take it from there.

Breaking: Daughter of famous wetsuit designer wins over Bachelor with her ability to surf in high heels!


Oh to be young and in love, or at least young and competing for love on a very famous reality television show, and should we meet Kit Keenan, a 21-year-old contestant on this year’s running of The Bachelor? We’d be remiss to turn it down.

Kit is daughter of famous wetsuit designer Cynthia Rowley and let us catch up on the action quickly.

From the start, Kit made a big impression on Matt James. Even though she is the youngest competitor on this season of The Bachelor, Kit and Matt connected over living in New York City. After several group dates, she finally got a one-on-one date during the week 5 episode, where she and Matt made cookies together. Kit expressed how happy she was to have that particular date, since she had mentioned to Matt how much she enjoys cooking with her mom. The two had a great time and Kit left the date with a rose. Some fans thought that Kit came off spoiled because she mentioned how difficult it was to live in the public eye and have a famous parent, but Matt clearly sees something else in her.

What else did he see in her?

Maybe an extraordinary ability to surf in high heels.


Would you ever like to be a Bachelor or Bachelorette?

What about surfing in high heels?

Very Noah Johnson.

Travis Rice executes a backside rodeo on a run on the Natural Selection test event course in Jackson Hole, WY, USA on 27 January, 2020.

Open Thread: Comment Live as world’s best snowboarders mock professional surfing in Day 1 of Natural Selection!

A full day of hot cold action!

Professional surfing has been left in tatters, its Waterloo the brave town of Lennox Head, Australia where locals rose as one and scratched and clawed and issued multiple swears, sending the World Surf League torn and bloodied back to Santa Monica, maybe all the way to the gates of hell.

A victory for the ages but maybe pyrrhic? Maybe we cheer today but weep tomorrow when their is no more professional surfing to entertain us?

Well don’t worry! The world’s greatest snowboarder Travis Rice has envisioned a whole new tour, the first stop is Jackson Hole, Wyoming and day one has received the green light.

Rice (pictured) explaining the course to the riders in a Duke of Wellington moment.
Rice (pictured) explaining the course to the riders in a Duke of Wellington moment.

It’s all simple to understand, with no overlapping heats or priority squabbles.

24 (16 men, 8 women) of the very best, hand-selected, snowboarders will hit the course, blending big mountain riding with enhanced features, today at 9:30 mountain time. Three heats of eight (8 men, 8 women, 8 men, repeat). The top 12 will advance to day 2, which will occur sometime between now and Feb. 9.

Judges will be looking at creativity, difficulty, general coolness, etc. All things we surfers will be able to comprehend easily and snarkily weigh in on like we know.

We are very good at appropriation.

Watch here. Comment below.

Biggish White, lil boat. | Photo: 7News

Twelve-foot Great White stalks father-and-son in inflatable raft as Australia declared shark attack capital of the world: “All it had to do was open its mouth, take a bite of that airtube and the boat would’ve gone down!”

"A mixture of shock and awe!"

A little inflatable raft three miles offshore ain’t the finest podium to view the majestic wanderings of a ten-foot Great White shark.

Perth dad Brett Martin and his kid Archie were slaying fish off Rottnest Island, the eight-mile long hunk of rock that keeps any sort of meaningful swell from hitting West Oz’s capital, when the White started to circle the little boat.

(Click here to watch the video.)

“Really all it had to do was open its mouth and take a bite of that inflatable airtube and the boat would have gone down… we were all freaking out a bit. It’s a mixture of shock and awe,” Brett told 7NEWS.

The kid kept telling his old boy that they should get the hell out and said he was “a bit scared but at the same time just amazed by that massive creature coming at me.”

“After we had a good look and interaction, we said, ‘it’s time to go!’” says Brett.

Last week, the University of Florida declared Australia the “shark attack capital of the world” with twelve fatal attacks in 2020.

“It’s a dramatic spike, but it’s not yet cause for alarm,” the Director of the Florida Museum of Natural History’s shark research program Gavin Naylor said. “I think the frequency of White sharks swimming in the same places as humans may be on the rise, but if so, we don’t yet know the cause.”