Blame Victoria.

In news that sent shivers up the spines of residents living in Australia’s seventh largest city, red barrels marked “Hydrochloric Acid” washed up on the beaches Sunday, exactly one week ahead of the upcoming Rip Curl Newcastle Cup.

Fire and Rescue New South Wales was immediately called to the scene and ordered terrified beachgoers out of the water.

Hazardous materials crews, dressed in neon orange, rushed in once the beach was cleared and carefully cracked it, discovering that it was likely filled with oil, not hydrochloric acid.

Hydrochloric acid is highly irritating much like the voice of Joe Turpel.

Fire and Rescue NSW released a statement reading:

As a precautionary measure, crews closed Shortland Esplanade temporarily while hazardous materials crews could work to safely contain and remove the contents of the drum. While the origin of the drum remains unknown, the area has now been made safe.

Public suspicion immediately turned south, toward Torquay, which has hosted the Rip Curl Pro at its Bells Beach every easter since 1961.

“Doesn’t it just seem too coincidental that the contest was brutally stolen and now this?” someone certainly thought.

It is unclear how the World Surf League plans to secure the area during the running window or if Torquay has anything else planned.

More as the story develops.

Much anger.

Late last week, the Senate Executive Committee at San Diego State University officially approved three new courses for study: Amazons and Wonder Woman, Italian Food Culture and Historical Origins of Surfing.

Professors immediately revolted.

In a scathing op-ed to the Times of San Diego just dripping with hurtful sarcasm, professor emeritus of philosophy Leon Rosenstein wrote:

As an emeritus professor of philosophy, I am surprised by these novelties, but not incredulous. I was totally unaware, for example, that not knowing whether 3/4 of a cup or a full cup of heavy cream is the appropriate amount for one’s Fettuccine Alfredo recipe, or not understanding why a fictional Amazonian warrior leaves home to fight a war, or not appreciating the cultural differences between Polynesian and Western surfing techniques, would leave a university undergraduate bereft of important aspects of his or her self-development and deficient in life-long learning!

The ending exclamation mark a dagger to the heart of the two current living surf historians (Matt Warshaw and Italian Nicolla “Nik” Zanella who is busy proving the Chinese were the very first to ride waves).

Attempting to quell some of the furor, the Committee also recommended the deletion of “Emphasis in European Humanities” from the humanities majors.

A victory for Zanella, though crushing blow for Warshaw whose History of Surfing is riddled with blonde hair and blue eyes.

But if you were young, again, and ready to enter the halls of learning, would you sign up for Historical Origins of Surfing?

Would you thrill at the hidden secrets buried in our wonderful culture that you, and a select few, were given the tools to uncover?

Surfing began in Peru.

The end.

Difficult days.

Nearly two months ago, the coastal enclave of Manhattan Beach, California was thrust into the spotlight when two young black surfers were called profoundly disturbing epithets in the water. The incident went viral and Brick and Gage, as they are called, used the moment for good, becoming activists in the wake of, but still, it highlighted the deep vein of racism that runs through the town.

Most recently, Manhattan Beach has been most known as the backdrop of World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s many SUP adventures, regularly geotagging it on Instagram, but before that it was virulently, meanly, anti-black. A black family’s oceanfront resort, Bruce’s Beach, was once seized by the city using crafty eminent domain laws and black beachgoers were regularly run out of town.

But how to atone?

A task force was formed earlier in the year, according to a thorough new Los Angeles Times piece on the troubles, and an apology drafted but the town’s residents have pushed back on the notion they should be held accountable for what previous generations did. Manhattan Beach mayor Suzanne Hadley going so far as declaring, “We do not want to ignore the past, but we do not want it embroidered in a scarlet R upon our chest.”

The callous response, and general lack of action, has frustrated some at the county level. Los Angeles County Supervisor Janice Hahn said, “I’m going to do whatever I can to right this wrong. There’s no doubt that this was such an injustice (Bruce’s Beach seizure) that was inflicted – not just on Charles and Willa Bruce, but generations of their descendants who almost certainly would be millionaires had they been allowed to keep that beachfront property.”

The property now holds a county lifeguard center and park and the county is trying to figure out how to right the wrong and compensate the remaining members of the Bruce family by either transferring the land back, paying fair-market rent or some other monetary payment.

Still, Manhattan Beach leaders are refusing to apologize with Mayor Hadley recently telling a virtual meeting of locals, “I don’t want an apology and I don’t think you do either.”

A two-page advertisement in the local newspaper paid for by “concerned residents of MB” called on their neighbors to “unite against FALSE accusations of racism.”

How will the stalemate end? Difficult to speculate but if I had to, I’d guess much bureaucratic foot dragging and mealy-mouthed emptiness.

A specialty of the area.