Dreams come true.
Can you believe our World Surf League heroes and heroines (she/him/it/them/my/me/they) are back to action in less than 24 hours? Oh the dreamy the Rip Curl Narabeen Classic presented by Corona. Mick “White Lightning” Fanning paddling for the first time since un-retiring. Tyler “Black Lives Matter” Wright attempting to avenge an ugly loss just up the coast in Newcastle.
The Voice of Professional Surfing Joe Turpel in the booth, hand jamming.
What could be better but I know a watched pot never boils and this less than 24 hours will seem like an absolute eternity.
Thankfully we have technology.
As just revealed, the very same Joe Turpel is on the celebrity shout-out app Cameo. It appears his specialities are birthday celebrations, pep talks and roasts. Shall I transcribe the roast (delivered lounging vaguely sexy on a bed)?
I think yes.
Terry, what’s happening? It’s Joe Turpel just uhhhh thinking about New Zealand…gosh how good the waves are there. The place is unreal. I did a trip there… gosh… it’s been since 2015. Did the Raglan thing, went a little bit south but gosh it’s good there. I think the waves are still really fun… over there in Doncaster, UK. That’s a good spot to stay in the water all the time so… Terry? What are you doin? The kids are back at school, Becky needs you out of the house. I know you’re old but get out there and try to keep up with Pete. Happy belated birthday (insane laugh). Carl, you’re a legend.
Terry severely burned and all for $30.
What would you have Joe Turpel say for $30?
The world is your oyster.*
*I truly wish that celebrities who sign up to be on Cameo must, per contract, say whatever it is sent their way. A business opportunity for us?
Cancelmeo?
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https://www.cameo.com/v/WgR…
Id love to get a clip of him saying”
Time for ’89 world champ martin potter to fuck right off outta the booth”
Pots what’s new from gutter, are you hand jamming some clams?
Thanks but no thanks.
“Chas, buddy seriously go for the buzzcut. A man your age, and with that hairline shouldn’t pretend like he can pull that haircut off. Love, Joey.”
“There is only (2) genders!”
Spent my cameo money on Flava Flav.
Soz
Not a bad price though
FUCK THE FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKIN’ PACK OF FUCKIN’ wOsl LOVIN’ FUCKIN’ KOOOOKS
P.S.
That’s not what I’d get Turps to say on the phone, just talking about about the wOsl and it’s fans, OR AM I ?
P.P.S.
Narrabeen is as over-rated as Merewether is under-rated, OR IS IT ?
P.P.P.S.
fuck off turps…
There is no god.
Joe: ‘All hail our mean overlord chas, only person to survive confrontation with the evil ashton, leader of the nasty slappers’
How the fuck is this a thing ?
The only instagram post with the hashtag #handjam that is Turpel related is this story. Make #handjam happen insta heads.
2021’s billboard, same cow shit stench
When he bulks up off season he’ll start talking about ‘ham jams’.
Sorry. I’m struggling to find much am… …
…
….
… uhWHAT!
Oh!
Oh sorry.
I think even imaging his voice put me to sleep.
Checked the comp bank this morn, looked a bit straight. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Who are you? Elon? What’s life like in space?
I’m just a plastic bag floating in the breeze
‘Witches Knickers’ as they call them in Ireland.
If only I was snagged!
“Sniff my ____ Potz!”
you lost me in heroine…
Turpel: “You know Otto, I don’t often tell People™ this, but being the WSL contest commentator was Plan ” B” for me. Plan “A”? I tried out for the The Vagina Monologues Off-Off-Broadway production. Didn’t get the part. Crushed still to this day. But I like to think of the WSL as Off-Off-Broadway.”
you’re much more in your element over at political rant aka trumps ballsack attachment…
You’re having heavy feelings right now. Don’t fret. It’ll pass.
gonna feel really light next comm just wait… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
That’s a reefer if I’m not mistaken
beachbreaker…
Stay away from the devil lettuce boy!
OBT SOP:
1. Make asshole comment
2. Get called out for being an asshole
3. Tell replier to calm down
Man, your grip on the situation is loose. What you fail to appreciate is that toofattosurf’s “call out” as you refer to it has origins from a completely different article, hauntingly being on a completely different day too. I made the original comment using the “so much more in your element” insult first. Which proving effective in its lasting sting, poor ol’ toofattosurf had stewed beyond plate-ability but couldn’t not try to swing back, a day late and holler short. Use my original content to craft a smarmy jab. JV.
You on the other hand, are even more stewed. I haunt you and I live it.
Edit: what’s wrong with the Vagina Monologues comment? You insulted cause you’re a vagina? No need to answer that. I know the answer. We all do.
“I’m a stupid moron with a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”
“Oh hi all you beachgritter critters, this is Joe Turpel from the World Surf League. Just wanted to remind you that the war is over and the kooks won. The WSL has hired a priority judge for every beach to enforce a fair and just lineup for all surfers.”
Also anyone else sense a darkness lurking underneath with that guy? Never really noticed it until I looked at the intro video for his cameo.
The new tour reschedule announcement was fucking eerie, robotic corpo speak.
Id like to request:
“Hi surfads, just want to let you know I’m thinking about being on the inside, taking the hard entry into backdoor, slowly making my way in and out of the pit, milking it for all it’s worth, maybe throwing a little hand jam action in there, before being blown out with the spit.”
Youre onto something there, we all should submit videos of ourselves surfing (or fucking like your comment suggests) and ask him to commentate over it. It would be gold!