Breaking: Champion of The People™ Caio Ibelli officially branded ahead of Rip Curl Rottnest Search, ready to win buoyed by our shared hopes and dreams!

A hero has risen.

It has been a long and winding road but here we are, staring down the Rip Curl Rottnest Search presented by Corona and the final stop on what has been an altogether thrilling Australian leg.

Newcastle, Narrabeen, Margaret in the rearview.

Quokkas ahead.

Heroes have fallen, including John John Florence, chinks in armor exposed, not limited to Gabriel Medina, but all these are merely subplots to a broader theme.

The rise of The People™.

For it was ahead of Newcastle that blue-collar battler Caio Ibelli ripped his sponsor Oakley’s sticker from his board, expressing confusion. He had put the time in, done the work, punched the clock and proven himself amongst the best of the best, taking both John John and Gabriel’s scalps, but no, the multinational sunglass corporation decided his time was over.

Going another direction etc.

The People™ felt this injustice and rose, as one, declaring him our champion.

A crowdfund was set up, over $7500 raised, stickers printed.

A long and winding road that was supposed to lead to Narrabeen then Margaret but fate knows and fate chose Rottnest.

If you gave to Project Ibelli, thank you.

If you felt your heart warmed by this first step toward reclaiming surfing from shortsighted corporate nonsense, thank you.

Thank you to Spencer Driggs for designing the logo.

Thank you to Jake Holloway from Shapers.co in Australia who made each and every sticker with a borrowed vinyl cutter.

Thank you most, though, to Caio Ibelli.

A worthy champion.

Our champion.


VAL-pocalypse: In nightmare surf scenario, former first daughter Ivanka Trump nearly decapitates young son with waterlogged soft top in Miami!

The horror, the horror.

The world held its collective breath yesterday afternoon when images leaked out showing vulnerable adult learner, and former first daughter, Ivanka Trump nearly removing the head from her five-year-old son Theodore’s body with a very thick foam surfboard whilst taking a lesson in South Beach near Miami.

You must click here to see yourself the full gallery as, after much discussion, it has been deemed too disturbing by BeachGrit‘s editorial staff.

Also the Daily Mail is entirely litigious. Near Stab ed. Ashton Goggans level of police calling.

According to that same prosecution-happy though still august Daily Mail:

The 39-year-old was seen hitting the waves with her three children – Arabella, nine, Joseph, seven, and Theo, five – on Sunday, however it was far from smooth sailing for the former First Daughter, who suffered several tumbles during the session, as well as a scary collision with her younger son.

Thankfully, the youngster appeared unharmed, and proud mom Ivanka was later seen waving her hands, clapping, and flashing a thumbs up while watching her kids conquering the ocean on their own boards, all while under the watchful eye of several instructors.

Those several instructors should each be ashamed of themselves both for being surf instructors and for presiding over such an ugly show.

If you do not want to click to see yourself the full gallery, Ivanka is wearing yoga pants and a blue hooded sweatshirt.

Inappropriate at any beach outside Saudi Arabia.

Do you think the near decapitation was purposefully orchestrated by deep state lackeys?

More to the point, are surf instructors collaborators in the VAL-pocalypse?

Much to ponder.


Own a Piece of First Major African Surf Brand Mami Wata; over $2 million already raised via Crowdfunding!

Collabs with Moncler, stocked on Mr Porter, hard-cover book Afrosurf. Very high-end, very sexy…

Do you believe in, as they would say in America, the vast, untapped monetary buffet that could be Africa.

Thirty-eight coastal countries, six island nations that are considered part of the continent.

Many potential pockets to be turned inside out.

Of course, has long been in the crosshairs of European economic hitmen. During the Berlin Conference in 1884, European powers plotted ways to explore, divide, conquer and exploit every mineral and man from Cape Town to Casablanca. Drawing straight lines on random plots of land. Sending lines of divisions through once peaceful tribes, cultivating divisiveness and hate.

The rest, as they say, is misery.

But now, a group of South African surfers have decided be proactive in the game of surf.

Mami Wata is a surf brand based in South Africa, created and run by indigenous South Africans.

From the site,

Mami Wata is on a mission to redefine the global surf market. This purpose-led, premium African surf lifestyle brand is already proving its global appeal with extensive international PR, collabs with Moncler and stockists including Mr Porter and Huckberry. Revenue to date is £400K+. Now raising funds for its international launch.”

Three hundred seventy investors have already contributed over 1 million English pounds, doubling their target of five hundred thousand.

Other stats include:

Sold 7300+ t-shirts, 2500+ trunks, 1800+ shirts, 1600+ caps & 1800+ hoodies
We have shipped 1200+ copies of our AFROSURF book to 39 countries.
Global media coverage includes CNN, GQ, Wallpaper, Monocle & HypeBeast
Moncler approached Mami Wata to participate in two collaborations

Their next pitch could be considered a VAL manifesto:

Surfing is a growing nine-billion dollar global market with participation surging eighty percent during Covid. Yet we believe the category is dominated by tired corporate brands telling the same stories with the same generic-looking products.

With African design, fashion and music having an increasing influence on global culture, Mami Wata is positioned to challenge what we believe is a stagnant industry.

Mami Wata is purpose led, different, with a distinct look, and an authentic story rooted in cultural diversity. We manufacture all our products in Africa.

We launched in Cape Town 2017, developing momentum with strong domestic off-line Direct To Consumer sales, considerable global PR, international wholesale orders to the world’s leading retailers (e.g. Mr Porter, Huckberry and Urban Outfitters) and two collaborations with iconic global luxury brand Moncler.

Seventeen days left to the crowdfund, if you want in.


Dead juvie White. | Photo: White Shark Conservation Trust/Dick Marquand

Grisly: Head of decapitated Great White shark, covered in stab wounds, found on popular beach, the predatory fish apparently killed for its pungent, mercury-ridden meat!

Head, pectoral fins and innards abandoned on shore… 

A juvenile Great White shark has been killed for its meat, authorities presume, after the head, pectoral fins and innards were discovered on a New Zealand beach.

The White Shark Conversation Trust posted the gruesome photo on Facebook,

“This image was taken today, May 8, at Pilot Bay, Tauranga. This is a juvenile white shark that appears to have been killed to consume. The shark has what appears to be stab wounds to the head indicating it was killed after it was brought to shore. Someone must have seen the shark being caught or cut up. This act is illegal on a number of accounts- killing of a protected species and being in possession of parts of a white shark. These are prosecutable offences and we urge anyone who knows anything about this to report their information to DoC (Department of Conservation) or MPI (Ministry of Primary Fisheries).”

Speculation that the fish might’ve been hit by Orcas, whose lust for White livers is legendary, was hosed down by the photographer, Dick Marquand.

“A clean cut just behind the gills is a fair indication that it wasn’t orca. Though that is open to interpretation of course… It was a clean cut to remove head but left pectoral fins and innards – bags still intact. Teeth and jaw intact. Stab wounds (approx 12) on head. Underside fins had been ‘filleted’ off and were found nearby.”

The Great White is a protected species in New Zealand and it’s illegal to keep the jaws and fins and so on. Punishment is a 250k fine and, or, two years in the pen. 

The Department of Conservation’s shark expert Clinton Duffy told reporters, oowee, y’don’t ever see this, the valuable jaws left on the beach while the meat, which is filled with mercury and real stinky with shark piss, is taken away. 

”We don’t often get them walking away with the bulk of the animal,” he said.

A better meat, if you like shark, is Mako, which is like a less oily swordfish. Marinate for twenty-four hours in a bowl filled with a mixture of chopped garlic, lemon juice, soy sauce and ginger.

Cops are investigating etc. 


"The Box, oi!"
"The Box, oi!"

Official: The World Surf League despises its core fanbase, its hooligans, yet can’t sort any way to make disappear!

Even scarier? What if the hooligans make up a plurality, if not a majority, of the WSL's audience?

I sat down, Mother’s Day afternoon, with you, with us, to watch professional surfing together. Oh it was fun, it always is, the wit, the barbs, the hot takes and cold ones too. Live commenting as our professional surfers danced on the world’s most perfect mid-length wave.

It is, isn’t it?

Margaret River’s Main Break the ideal place for Devon Howard or Torren Martyn to tango?

And I would have been happy enough to watch Ryan Callinan or Filipe Toledo do their foxtrot but… “The Box,” “Jack is livestreaming The Box,” “Box…” kept popping up in the live comments and so, as easy as two clicks of two artificial buttons there I was in that Box’s channel and wow.

Magnificent.

Funner, intense, wonderful.

Never had a mistake been more pronounced in real time.

Jessi Miley-Cyrus is the commissioner of the World Surf League, she makes the call, and she made an egregiously bad one for all to see.

An abject disaster, one that will asterisk the Margaret River 2020/21 final result forever, but only for us, only in our section, because the League has its Wall of Positive Noise™ and no mention of Jack in the Box from any official channels nor will there be.

Which made me realize something, realize it even further when Derek Rielly later wondered in the live comments, “Is there another global sporting franchise that so deliberately refuses to broadcast the (critical) opening minutes of its Final?”

The World Surf League despises its core fan base, its hooligans, and wishes we would disappear but can’t sort a way to make it happen. Can’t figure out a way to ban, bar, sweep away like English, Scottish, Welsh football clubs did theirs in the 1990s by sticking closed circuit cameras everywhere and spiking ticket prices into the unaffordable range.

So long, naughty boys.

But the WSL is free and/or will be cheap if they ever build a paywall around that Wall of Positive Noise™.

We watch with each other at home.

So what to do with this BeachGrit Firm?

Ignore, pretend it’s inconsequential and small, a lightly annoying gnat that may never go away but also doesn’t matter.

Here’s a funny story.

Pre-Covid a very popular new social media application was blowing up and the WSL wanted to partner. The app suggested that the League broadcast an alternative feed with different voices on its platform and had stumbled upon what it thought a perfect counterpoint.

BeachGrit.

According to someone in the room, that offering was met with pinched faces and a hard no.

The two entities parted ways without further discussion and nothing came to fruition.

No one but no one knows how large a WSL viewing percentage The Firm commands but let’s play with the numbers we have.

The final, ‘tween Jordan and Pip, commanded low-3k concurrent views on the WSL’s Facebook Live. Let’s be charitable and double that for 6.5k some-ish by including worldsurfleague.com too and that with days of build-up, much media, millions of followers across multiple social channels, high production value etc.

Jack Robinson collected 300 – 500 concurrent on his glitchy 209k strong Instagram feed, 5% phone battery and dwindling, with zero advertisement, zero forewarning, pure in-the-moment word of mouth.

8%-adjacent.

Imagine if there had been some, any, attempt or care to draw a real audience. I have no doubt that a few hours of Box would have eclipsed the WSL’s entire final’s day, numbers-wise. I can also say, our live commenting numbers are spiking like they shouldn’t seeing we’re basically operating a fabulous sort of 1998 Netscape technology.

https://www.instagram.com/p/COsWlIyA8Nx/

Ignore, pretend it’s inconsequential and small, a lightly annoying gnat that may never go away but also doesn’t matter.

But what if English, Scottish, Welsh football hooligans had made up a plurality, if not a majority, of the fans?

What then?

Do you think this terror keeps WSL CEO Erik “ELo” Logan awake at night or does the Wall of Positive Noise™ allow him to sleep like a baby?

While you’re thinking, a surprise is coming for Rottnest.

A little ultra hard surf candy.

More as the story develops.