Breaking: Crocodile Dundee grows furious over homeless encroachment in Venice Beach, posts bold sign on front gate reading “THIS IS MY HOUSE NOT YOURS!”

Beat it, kooks.

It seems like only yesterday that one-time Australian surf publication Stab based itself very near Venice Beach, California, likely hoping that some of the neighborhood’s pop chill would rub off and bring must prestige.

The plan did not work, as Venice was already well past its prime, many homeless filling the void, mingling with leftover hipsters in  wide-brimmed hats, lightly tattered Black Flag t-shirts, chubby hands with many rings.

Impossible to tell who was who.

Stab shuttered itself behind a premium paywall before giving up entirely, moving to well past its prime Byron Bay back in Australia.

Sad.

Unaffiliated with Stab but also one-time Australian Paul Hogan, who made himself very famous by playing the iconic Crocodile Dundee, also lives in Venice but unlike the surf publication, has been there for decades and decided to stay and fight the invading horde. Beat reporters snapped photos of him this week marching furiously outside his paywall and posting a note reading “THIS IS MY HOUSE NOT YOURS” to it, written in red Sharpie.

Later he reemerged and underlined the words MY HOUSE.

Tyler Proctor, a politician who lives locally, empathizes with Hogan describing the neighborhood as “hell on earth,” continuing, “His house is like a fortress and it needs to be. I can see why [he] wants to move out.”

At time of printing, there is no word if the homeless are staging a massive anti-Australia protest, burning Akubra hats on his doorstep etc.

More as the story develops.

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Stephen
Stephen
5 years ago

Bruce/Caitlin will fix it!

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
5 years ago

That’s definitely a fair take. Nice to know both sides of politics don’t fix anything.. should prove the system needs a re-jig eh?

disqus_00d1gIXedO
disqus_00d1gIXedO
5 years ago

Just show ’em the knife. “That’s not a knife…this is a knife.”

commenter
commenter
5 years ago

I wrote a good pitch for a movie called Breaking Point starring Clint Eastwood as Harry “Dirty Harry” Callahan Senior and Scott Eastwood as Harry “Clean Harry” Callahan Junior.

Junior is a techtective and closer to Elon Musk where his dad was closer to Wyatt Earp.

The story is: Some vigilantes in Santa Cruz have reached the breaking point with the homeless and the druggies and the thiefs, and they get medieval on their asses and brutalize and kill them wholesale.

Clean Harry has just become Inspector. He is a surfer who lives at Ocean Beach.

He is sent to Santa Cruz to investigate who is killing the homeless.

He gets caught in a meth-fueled wars with the vigilantes on one side and the homeless/druggie/thieves on the other.

It’s a pretty good story.

If Scott Eastwood or anyone who knows him is reading this, they should contact me.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
5 years ago

LA must have very poor governance.
About 15 yrs ago in the (admittedly Americas Cup Sailing, not surfing based) coastal place I grew up in, a bunch of bludging scumbag types tried to move in and live in the park at the beach.
They lasted about a week before getting permanently moved on elsewhere by our cops to become the problem of some other cops in a shittier part of ‘whogivesafuckland’.
The only way to deal with it, who needs their trash and bottles etc littering the place when ya pay waaaay more council rates and govt taxes than elsewhere.
P.S.
Though I guess Venice is a very different place which I must admit to having enjoyed visiting because of it’s down at heel feel, and in the U.S.A. wealthy movie stars have the options of moving to gated communities if they don’t like the smell…

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
5 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

That’s Orange County’s move.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
5 years ago
Reply to  Black Rubber

Good on them

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
5 years ago
Reply to  Black Rubber

Not exactly.
OC has plenty of homeless, even in upscale beach towns, where the houses are all $1M+.

Homelessness is a very complex issue with no easy solutions.

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
5 years ago
Reply to  Occ Topus

That is true, however they got some bad press a few years back for handing homeless people bus fare and telling them to hop a ride out of the county. All beach towns in CA have this problem. Turns out homeless people like to live by the beach too.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
5 years ago

J porn would be awesome if it wasn’t for the pixelation.

david fffff
david fffff
5 years ago

“My friends are all moving away because they’re just so sick of seeing all the homeless”

– Women of the Year, ex-olympian, champion of oppressed trans, darling of the left, Caitlyn Jenner, in an interview about why she is going to run for Governor or California

BrooklynBarrelDodger
BrooklynBarrelDodger
5 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Isn’t she running as a republican? No one I know on the left likes her

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
5 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Very conservative. I think you got your right and left confused.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
5 years ago

Painful post below..
How the fuck is there so much homelessness and so much wealth in one place? I’ve always thought that a few poor decisions in a row and next thing you know your bedroom is a tent. Addiction and mental health issues are often root causes, but as a society we are failing ourselves if those few decisions lead to being out of options and sleeping rough.
Fuck you Hoags, put down the sharpie and donate to some shelters.

Gadoot
Gadoot
5 years ago

It’s a drug and mental health issue primarily. Giving them housing won’t help. Majority just want to hang out and get loaded. Everyone is a bleeding heart until they are shitting on your doorstep.

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
5 years ago

Do you have intel he doesn’t donate or try to help?

Preston
Preston
5 years ago

I learn something on this site almost every day. Today I learned Jews invented porn. I did not know that.
Oh, Linda Kozlowski was hot in Dundee.

*Edit. Damn, just read she had died. Now I feel creepy.

mike m
mike m
5 years ago
Reply to  Preston

Don’t feel too bad, I don’t think she’s dead.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
5 years ago
Reply to  mike m

Her career sure is though!

mike m
mike m
5 years ago

Yeah, all downhill after Dundee in the ’80s. One and Dun.

Preston
Preston
5 years ago
Reply to  mike m

Oh, wonderful! Wrong Kozlowski.

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
5 years ago
Reply to  Preston

Yeah. A real piece of ass.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
5 years ago

I would love to see , a modern day Venice Beach Version of Mac and The Boys , saunter up in the middle of the night to Hogan House , and create a two dimensional artistic impression , in chalk , using the slogan coined by French anarchist Pierre-Joseph Proudhon in his 1840 book What is Property? Or, an Inquiry into the Principle of Right and of Government.

La propriété, c’est le vol!

with subtitles for the non Francophiles PROPERTY IS THEFT !

Or Neo ROMANS GO HOME ! Monty Python Style

https://youtu.be/0lczHvB3Y9s

“Property is theft

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago

So is the point here that you are a Jew hater, porn hater, or just lover of Palestine? And how do you know JC Superstar wasn’t a Nazi? Did you ask him? Did you ask Allah?

Wilbur
Wilbur
5 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

All my knowledge of religion comes from old punk songs. Reagan Youth taught me that jesus was a communist.

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
5 years ago
Reply to  Wilbur

How fucken great are Regan Youth!

Wilbur
Wilbur
5 years ago

Yeah all time greats!

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
5 years ago
Reply to  Wilbur

“Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet”. I think that’s in the intro to jesus built my hotrod by ministry.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

I bet he misses his old Belrose spread. And Winnie reds.
https://youtu.be/DAT-1xmbxEs

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
5 years ago

But Bex I thought all fairies were girls …. except Hoges who was a Manly Ferry ….. and a Leo WANKER ….

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
5 years ago

Here’s one for all the wankers
https://youtu.be/eLz5KgBTqPY

BrooklynBarrelDodger
BrooklynBarrelDodger
5 years ago

If I was woke I would have called you a nazi, but I’m worried you might just be retarded 🙂

To be honest, you’re a fun commenter on the live threads and stuff, but the out and out white nationalism and anti-semitism is intolerable, and also just a poor way of analyzing the world.

John Non John
John Non John
5 years ago

Is alligator to crocodile, as twinkie is to chocodile?

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
5 years ago

One would think that he might just put many more shrimp on the barbie.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
5 years ago
Reply to  Dogsnuts

The Splitter ….

BrooklynBarrelDodger
BrooklynBarrelDodger
5 years ago

Ironically this comment sounds a lot like the ramblings of a mentally ill homeless person

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago

Or a jihadist

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
5 years ago

“This is my bridge not yours” – Paul Hogan https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
5 years ago
Reply to  JohnsKnees

Along way from his Painter and Docker Roots
So here they are ,to remind him of what he has become in his quest for filthy lucre ….
The PAINTERS AND DOCKERS
https://youtu.be/OvBcVS16_XM

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
5 years ago

I’m just bummed he’s forced to live in racist America. I mean, where else in the World could he live?…..

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
5 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

I think he is just trying to the fuck away from Byron.

Barrelled
Barrelled
5 years ago

Call in the Irukandjis!

J H
J H
5 years ago

This seems to be one of those times where being Venice-adjacent is the preferable condition.


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