Is there a vengeful, box-ticking middle manager in the sky with a cosmic wire on you?

In his Margaret River comp write-up, Longtom drew attention to the outspoken religiosity of some of the surfers on tour.

“There really is a God and Brazilian pro surfers are her Chosen People,” he wrote.

Professional athletes thanking the divine in their victorious interviews is nothing new.

But, does the religiosity on tour reflect the beliefs of average surfers? 

According to a 2010 Surfer poll (cited in the EOS entry on religion and surfing), 63% of the magazine’s readers said they believed in God, 15% didn’t, and 22% said they weren’t sure.

Are these numbers still accurate?

More specifically, do they represent the views of BeachGrit’s readership? For a while now I’ve wanted to do for BeachGrit what Chalmers and Bourget did for philosophers, fielding a big poll to figure out their crew’s consensus on certain issues.

This could just be me, but I’ve always thought that surfing and other wilderness/outdoor activities (climbing and sailing, from my own life) point towards there not being any type of caring, watching, intervening supreme being.

Sure there are those brief, transcendent moments of experiencing the sublime — but aren’t they in the minority when compared to times you gotta work hard to escape and survive? There’s no god that’s ever helped me out when I’ve prayed to avoid taking a set on the head. Even less so when I’ve prayed for a good wave to stand up in just the right spot, just for me.

Always seemed like the sets, the storms, the ocean were more out to get me than they were put there as my happy little playground.

To offer some context, I grew up in the American south as the child of some hardline evangelical parents. Taught the literal truth of the Bible, intelligent design in homeschool, hell as a real place, quiverfull, all the rest of it. So I know my background is offering some color to the way I perceive “god.” And the “god” I was taught as a kid is probably way different than what that word means for a lot of other people.

Still, surfing was actually what led me out of all that.

The cavalry never arrived to save me when I was caught inside; I learned to just get on with it and figure it out for myself. The ocean never seemed to give a snot for this human animal when it was bobbing around in the briny. And since abandoning all that supernatural stuff, my life’s been much better, the world a less terrifying place. No more vengeful, box-ticking middle manager in the sky who’s got a cosmic wire on me, listening for my thought-crimes.  

Plus, having worked in advertising, it’s hard to think up a better, more profitable business model than organized religion. As Breughel the Elder painted it out in one of his vignettes from Netherlandish Proverbs, be skeptical of anyone knocking on the door with both a flamethrower and also a fire extinguisher.

But I know that’s just me!

I know that religion brings a lot of comfort to a lot of people.

It’s on this note that I’m curious to poll the BeachGrit readers for where you fall on the spectrum of belief.

So: Anyone else find or un-find god in the lineup? Cast your vote here.

**

On a scale from 1 to 7, what do you think?

1: I know that God exists.

2: I can’t know for certain, but I strongly believe in God and live my life on the assumption that He is there.

3: I’m uncertain, but I’m inclined to believe in God.

4: Who’s to say? Could be yes, could be no. It’s 50-50.

5: I don’t know whether a god exists, but I’m pretty skeptical.

6: I can’t know for certain, but it’s improbable that a god or gods exist; I live under the assumption that there isn’t anything supernatural out there.

7: I know that there are no gods or supernatural things.

Collabs with Moncler, stocked on Mr Porter, hard-cover book Afrosurf. Very high-end, very sexy…

Do you believe in, as they would say in America, the vast, untapped monetary buffet that could be Africa.

Thirty-eight coastal countries, six island nations that are considered part of the continent.

Many potential pockets to be turned inside out.

Of course, has long been in the crosshairs of European economic hitmen. During the Berlin Conference in 1884, European powers plotted ways to explore, divide, conquer and exploit every mineral and man from Cape Town to Casablanca. Drawing straight lines on random plots of land. Sending lines of divisions through once peaceful tribes, cultivating divisiveness and hate.

The rest, as they say, is misery.

But now, a group of South African surfers have decided be proactive in the game of surf.

Mami Wata is a surf brand based in South Africa, created and run by indigenous South Africans.

From the site,

“Mami Wata is on a mission to redefine the global surf market. This purpose-led, premium African surf lifestyle brand is already proving its global appeal with extensive international PR, collabs with Moncler and stockists including Mr Porter and Huckberry. Revenue to date is £400K+. Now raising funds for its international launch.”

Three hundred seventy investors have already contributed over 1 million English pounds, doubling their target of five hundred thousand.

Other stats include:

Sold 7300+ t-shirts, 2500+ trunks, 1800+ shirts, 1600+ caps & 1800+ hoodies
We have shipped 1200+ copies of our AFROSURF book to 39 countries.
Global media coverage includes CNN, GQ, Wallpaper, Monocle & HypeBeast
Moncler approached Mami Wata to participate in two collaborations

Their next pitch could be considered a VAL manifesto:

Surfing is a growing nine-billion dollar global market with participation surging eighty percent during Covid. Yet we believe the category is dominated by tired corporate brands telling the same stories with the same generic-looking products.

With African design, fashion and music having an increasing influence on global culture, Mami Wata is positioned to challenge what we believe is a stagnant industry.

Mami Wata is purpose led, different, with a distinct look, and an authentic story rooted in cultural diversity. We manufacture all our products in Africa.

We launched in Cape Town 2017, developing momentum with strong domestic off-line Direct To Consumer sales, considerable global PR, international wholesale orders to the world’s leading retailers (e.g. Mr Porter, Huckberry and Urban Outfitters) and two collaborations with iconic global luxury brand Moncler.

Seventeen days left to the crowdfund, if you want in.

Head, pectoral fins and innards abandoned on shore… 

A juvenile Great White shark has been killed for its meat, authorities presume, after the head, pectoral fins and innards were discovered on a New Zealand beach.

The White Shark Conversation Trust posted the gruesome photo on Facebook,

“This image was taken today, May 8, at Pilot Bay, Tauranga. This is a juvenile white shark that appears to have been killed to consume. The shark has what appears to be stab wounds to the head indicating it was killed after it was brought to shore. Someone must have seen the shark being caught or cut up. This act is illegal on a number of accounts- killing of a protected species and being in possession of parts of a white shark. These are prosecutable offences and we urge anyone who knows anything about this to report their information to DoC (Department of Conservation) or MPI (Ministry of Primary Fisheries).”

Speculation that the fish might’ve been hit by Orcas, whose lust for White livers is legendary, was hosed down by the photographer, Dick Marquand.

“A clean cut just behind the gills is a fair indication that it wasn’t orca. Though that is open to interpretation of course… It was a clean cut to remove head but left pectoral fins and innards – bags still intact. Teeth and jaw intact. Stab wounds (approx 12) on head. Underside fins had been ‘filleted’ off and were found nearby.”

The Great White is a protected species in New Zealand and it’s illegal to keep the jaws and fins and so on. Punishment is a 250k fine and, or, two years in the pen. 

The Department of Conservation’s shark expert Clinton Duffy told reporters, oowee, y’don’t ever see this, the valuable jaws left on the beach while the meat, which is filled with mercury and real stinky with shark piss, is taken away. 

”We don’t often get them walking away with the bulk of the animal,” he said.

A better meat, if you like shark, is Mako, which is like a less oily swordfish. Marinate for twenty-four hours in a bowl filled with a mixture of chopped garlic, lemon juice, soy sauce and ginger.

Cops are investigating etc.