Sean “Diddy” Combs appears to send shot over surf localism’s bow: “When I pull up on you, don’t be surprised.”

A serious escalation.

Hip hop mogul, rap superstar, Sean “Diddy” Combs appeared to send a shot over surf localism’s bow, yesterday, in an Instagram post almost as provocative as the World Surf League teasing a sexually fluid component to the upcoming The Ultimate Surfer reality show.

In the first post, Diddy neé Puff Daddy is pictured with wetsuit stripped down to waist on beach above the lightly aggressive caption, “When I pull up on you, don’t be surprised.”

In the second, he is standing next to a black Range Rover, black 9 ft soft top leaning next to it lightly waxed, toweling off after quite possibly burning some locals who were already warned not to be surprised.

Combs embracing the sport of kings is a serious ramping up of the celebrity surf life and begs, gags, for a The Celebrity Ultimate Surfer.

My money is still on Hill.

Who do you have?

World Surf League teases wildly provocative, 1970s-esque sexually fluid orgy ahead of its “The Ultimate Surfer” reality show debut!

Lemoore is burning.

Tomorrow, at 10 pm in the United States, the World Surf League, in collaboration with ABC television, will premier its much anticipated reality show The Ultimate Surfer.

Set in Lemoore, California, at Kelly Slater’s eponymous Surf Ranch, the program aims at finding America’s best surfer from a cast of deeply buried Qualifying Series talent and Zeke Lau. Slater, himself, will be there to hone skills while Joe Turpel calls the action alongside ex-NFL quarterback Jesse Palmer.

The great Jen See will be covering each episode with her doctor’s eye for BeachGrit, but in its final promotion, released yesterday, the League teased what can only be described as a wildly provocative, 1970s-esque sexually fluid orgy.

In the clip, tuned for Instagram, Koa Smith and a young friend walk to the pool’s edge where they discover a Melchizedek that appears to have a note inside. The two bring it up to where the rest of the cast is cowering in the shade, Maui’s Kai Barger off to the side looking sad about life choices, fish the message out and discover a poem declaring they will all play spin the bottle.

Two of the female surfers appear less than pleased at the prospect of pushing that Melchizedek around, having it land on a fellow contestant and sparking fireworks. Brianna Cope, from Kauai, goes so far as to say, “If I wanted to kiss someone, I would have signed up for The Bachelor.”

Tough beans for Cope, I suppose, as World Surf League CEO Erik Logan is in charge of this show.

Who are you looking forward to see kissing whom?

Barger and Lau?

Malia Ward and Koa Smith’s young friend?

Many combinations.

More as the story develops.

Itty Fez, swinging for Gold. | Photo: ISA

Breaking: Olympic surfers blamed for “COVID-19 surge” near Chiba!

Japan hit real hard after Games, a three-hundred percent increase in COVID infections… 

The mayor of a pretty little hamlet near Ichinomiya, Chiba, where Brazilian Italo Ferreira and Hawaiian Carissa Moore became surfing’s first gold medal Olympians, has come out swinging after his town experienced a surge in COVID hits after the event. 

Eyes fluttering behind his medical-issue paper mask, city of Isumi Mayor Hiroshi Ota said, “From around the time the event began, the number of people (in the area near the venue) increased, causing infections to spread.”

See, from late July locals began contracting COVID around the city’s Taito beach, next to Ichinomiya’s Tsurigasaki beach. 

And even though COVID protocols meant the event was held without spectators, plenty of locals hung out at Taito to watch. Shops, restaurants and so on were busy as hell. 

It ain’t a fanciful take. 

The whole country got hit pretty hard after the Games, a three hundred percent increase in COVID infections, up from four k a day to 12, although the Minister for the Tokyo Olympic and Paralympic Games Tamayo Marukawa spat on that fire saying, “I don’t think the Olympics caused infections to spread… When someone tested positive, they were transported to treatment facilities and other institutions. People they had close contact with were swiftly identified and quarantined.”

Surfers, the worst etc. 

Hawaiian surf champion suffers horror injury at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, “I’ve been asked by many whether getting injured is worth the risk as a professional athlete!”

"I had to take all four of my bottom front teeth out and will be getting implants. This process will take about 10 months or so."

It may come as a surprise, to some but not all, that wavepools will beat the hell out of you. Ain’t no different to anywhere.

I’ve seen, close up, two head injuries and a dislocated shoulder, heads wounds at Wavegarden, dislocated shoulder at Surf Ranch. An orgy of blood followed by soap and towels.

All that pretty blue water water and troupes of lifeguards ain’t gonna save you if you go over the handlebars in twelve inches of water. Four years ago, I was surprised by the power of the takedown and how long I was held under for at the Lemoore tank.

It’s a good feeling.

Without risk, what do we have?

The Hawaiian longboarder Sally Cohen, the sister of Jamie O’Brien’s lover Tina, and pretty regularly up there at number eight in the world rankings, got belted at Surf Ranch a few days ago, losing four teeth after a date with the vinyl covered concrete bottom.

After surgery, Cohen wrote,

“Unfortunately from my injury at the Surf Ranch I had fractured 2 of my bottom front teeth at the root and couldn’t save them. Along with those 2 teeth, the other 2 teeth located next to them had experienced quite a lot of trauma. So I had to take all four of my bottom front teeth out and will be getting implants later this year/early next year. This process will take about 10 months or so.”

Has the injury taken the wind out of her sails, got hurt, ergo no more pools?

“I was just informed by my doctor that I will be able to get back in the water in less than 2 weeks,” Cohen wrote yesterday. “This gives me a tiny bit of time to prepare for this years first WSL CT event at the Surf Ranch.
Recently I’ve been asked by many whether getting injured is worth the risk as a professional athlete, and I say yes, 110%. Every setback I face, every bump in the road, I only come back from it feel more determined and more motivated to be stronger and better than ever before. After my injury at the pool, the very next day I was already wanting to paddle back out again. I truly do believe a positive mindset can make the biggest difference when it comes to recovering and I can’t wait to go back to this wave and win the event!”

Breaking: Popular website OnlyFans to ban pornography thereby gutting new revenue model for Coffey Sisters, Nathan Florence, other surfers experimenting with personal freedom!

Dark days.

In a shocking announcement, popular website OnlyFans has declared that it will ban sexually explicit content from appearing on its platform beginning October 2021.

The move appears to be in reaction to banks and other payment processors threatening to disallow use of services for explicit material.

A spokesman for the England-based site said, “In order to ensure the long-term sustainability of the platform, and to continue to host an inclusive community of creators and fans, we must evolve our content guidelines. We will be sharing more details in the coming days, and we will actively support and guide our creators through this change in content guidelines. OnlyFans remains committed to the highest levels of safety and content moderation of any social platform. All creators are verified prior to being able to upload any content to OnlyFans, and all uploaded content is checked by automated systems and human moderators.”

The move will certainly be a hefty financial blow Ellie-Jean, Holly-Sue, Bonnie-Lue Coffey, Nathan Florence and other surfers who have turned to the site for financial freedom.

Detractors state that the move will actually endanger marginalized groups like trans sex workers and, likely, surfers.

Jane, an activist and OnlyFans creator, told the Guardian, “They are taking away our safe spaces. Nobody wants to protect us.”

Mary Moody, co-chair of the Adult Industry Laborers and Artists Association, added, “This change will put workers on the street who could otherwise afford rent, it will starve the children of sex workers who could otherwise afford to feed them, and it will force workers currently working remotely online into riskier street-based sex work.”

It is unclear if surfers are part of the Adult Industry Laborers and Artists Association.

More as the story develops.