Jonah Hill, far right, Matt Warshaw, centre, and Charlie Smith, enjoy a Stab "alternative surfboard" video.

Two-time Academy Award nominated actor Jonah Hill gifts perspective, comedy lesson, to humorless surf journalist: “I hope you enjoy the journey of learning to be funny!”

Chas Smith

By

This damned surfing life.

Yesterday, the two-time Academy Award nominated actor Jonah Hill responded to a request from BeachGrit to come on our Dirty Water podcast for some chit and chat by turning it down. “Why’d you guys ask me to be on your podcast if all you do is be rude towards me?” he asked before adding, “I get nothing from surfing but joy. Hope you’re well.”

All fine and good, but as the day went on, Hill’s message began to lightly annoy. Rude towards him? Isn’t that part and parcel of this surfing life?

Inextricably woven?

And so I responded, “Jonah, will you allow a riposte? Surfing is old, has existed long before your joyous discovery. It’s much like skateboarding, which I think you love, with culture and banter and ribbing. To discount the conversation is to miss it entirely. BeachGrit has never been rude towards you. It has been surf-like towards you. Now, if you actually care, this world is your oyster. If you don’t, then understood.”

I did not expect an answer, much less a thoughtful one, so was blown off my Applebees stool, minutes later, when his missive popped into my refurbished iPhone.

“I agree and calling me a VAL and a kook is super funny and genuinely funny within the idea of someone new coming into culture and trying to co-opt it. People love to report on what I’m in to and I can see how that makes it seem like I’m trying to be more of a representative of surfing that I care to be. I genuinely just have fun and enjoy it.

What genuinely hurt is attacking the way I look or have looked. I think it’s unnecessary to your point and honestly just sucks. While I am a public figure, I’m still a person who has heard shit like that his entire life. In fact, it’s what deterred me from surfing until I was 35 because I didn’t like the way I felt.

That being said, as someone who has been a professional comedian of 20 years, I don’t judge your attempts to come into my culture and attempt to be funny. Maybe I should practice what I preach and see you guys going for low-hanging fruit as me getting on a foamy and trying something I enjoy and am not quite great at yet. But if you are smiling then I shouldn’t judge. So lesson learned. My bad.

I hope you enjoy the journey of learning to be funny. Much respect to surfing and giving people shit. I just didn’t understand the need to attack the way I look or have looked in such a harsh and genuinely hurtful way. Feel free to print this and we should surf sometime.

I hope you see my response as the kind gesture it is of giving you guys another article to write. And hope to see you around. Just make sure and be fair journalists and print it in full (smiley face emoji) And I genuinely do appreciate your thoughtful explanation.”

Applebees is not the place to deeply consider life choices but there I sat, considering deeply, flanked by a motorcycle enthusiast who had just left his wife and a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

Much flair.

Jonah Hill was right.

He was right and I was wrong.

Wrong and rude.

I very much appreciated that he explained what hurt and why it hurt in such detail. Rare, in this day and age, to have any sort of conversation with an opposing side, to be sensitive and open, but there it was and I offered to someday buy him an apology drink. He told me that he appreciated that but would prefer to drop in on me, once, and we would call it even.

Now I have to go to Malibu and somehow get around Strider Wasilewski’s attack dogs.

This damned surfing life.

Underwater challenge at Surf Ranch. Surprisingly, the two Hawaiians, Zeke and Kai, finished last and second-last.

Rumour: ABC set to cancel The Ultimate Surfer after ratings dive following underwhelming premiere!

Derek Rielly

By

Two separate Hollywood sources have confirmed the surf reality show, which counts showbiz heavyweights Erik Logan and Dana White as its executive producers, and which BIPOC surfer Zeke Lau eventually wins, is set for the chopping block. 

Word on the street, the studio, Burbank, Hollywood, whatever, is The Ultimate Surfer ain’t gotta get through its eight episodes, after ratings dived almost ten percent following an already underwhelming premiere. 

You’ll remember, two days ago, viewers lunged for the remote control as the opening credits rolled for The Ultimate Surfer following Bachelor in Paradise.

Under the clever headline, ‘The Ultimate Surfer’ Premiere Wipes Out in TV Ratings,” The Wrap declared, “The Ultimate Surfer didn’t catch much of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’s’ ratings wave with Monday’s premiere, which received a 0.3 among adults 18-49 and just 1.46 million total viewers. In the two hours leading up to ‘Ultimate Surfer’s’ debut, ABC averaged a 0.9 demo rating and 3.22 million overall viewers.”

And, now, with the second episode one hundred thousand or so viewers down on ep one, two separate Hollywood sources have confirmed the surf reality show, which counts showbiz heavyweights Erik Logan and Dana White as its executive producers, and which BIPOC surfer Zeke Lau eventually wins, is set for the chopping block. 

“Truly awful,” said one, referring to the ratings and not the show which I regard as a marvellous triumph and a more than tolerable way to waste one hour in the middle of a southern Californian late-summer heat wave. 

Non-Americans can watch the second episode, Chicks on Heat, via VPN set to North America and on the ABC website, click here. 

Hollywood funnyman and VAL pioneer Jonah Hill mistakes BeachGrit’s love language for causticity: “Why’d you guys ask me to be on your podcast if all you do is be rude toward me? I get nothing from surfing except joy.”

Chas Smith

By

Oh tragic day.

Oh and what a sad day, a very sad day, when miscommunication reigns, when misunderstanding rules the day. You, here, know how much Hollywood funnyman cum Patron Saint of the VALs Jonah Hill has captivated. You have experienced the surge of joy from his surf and/or surf-adjacent exploration.

Many stories documenting.

Many.

Many.

Etc.

But to have the man on, himself, to listen to his voice sharing his journey was a grail and Derek Rielly strived and I strived for to make it happen.

Alas, Hill himself has reached around and let it be known that, no, he will not come to chat.

Per Instagram direct message, the actor wrote, “Why’d you guys ask me to be on your podcast if all you do is be rude towards me? I get nothing from surfing except joy. Hope you’re well.” Then followed with, “I wish you nothing but good things.”

Oh but Jonah, if I can speak directly to you here, causticity, snark, is BeachGrit‘s love language. How we show we care. You can ask Kelly Slater if you need confirmation but can we try again?

Bridging this divide will go a long way toward crafting world peace.

In great tragedy, Florida kitesurfer dies after unexpectedly strong winds scoop him up, smash him into nearby building.

Chas Smith

By

"When our units arrived, we had very strong gusts in the area."

Of all the many persons who play on the ocean, I have had least experience with kitesurfers. For the wind to be strong enough from them to ply their trade, it also has to be strong enough to chew waves into boiling white messes and thus I am nowhere to be found when they are dancing their dance though, as a sailing man, do admire their harnessing of nature.

In any case, a Florida kitesurfer died, yesterday, after unexpectedly high winds off the coast of Fort Lauderdale scooped him up and smashed him into a nearby building.

Fort Lauderdale Fire Chief Stephen Gollan, addressing reporters near the scene, said, Fred Sulter, 61, “was attempting to kite surf in the ocean behind the address here, actually, just two doors down, when strong winds came into the area unexpectedly, and he was not able to release from the kite in a timely manner. When our units arrived, we had very strong gusts in the area. We had a storm come through just prior to the 9-1-1 call, so went from relatively calm conditions to extremely dangerous conditions in a short period of time.”

The witness who called 9-1-1 said, “The wind just picked him up and threw him against the building and he went down.”

Friends said the father and grandfather would often kitesurf in the area and was very skilled and would be out on the ocean often.

A great tragedy.

The Best LGBT Surf Camps from Around the World, “Bish, I can’t even think straight!”

Giancarlo Guardascione

By

Adventure awaits!

Where was the last place you didn’t feel safe, comfortable? Of course there are the obvious: Superbank on a Saturday (or any day), Foodland in December, Peter Schroff’s Instagram.

About it, yeah?

Despite all the welcoming aspects of surf camps, there are few, if any, places where an LGBT person can truly be themselves in the surf ether.

But, that is changing.

Gay surf camps are on the rise.

Let’s examine.

Brazil

With all the passionfruits Brazil has to offer, from Carnival Capoeira hip-swings by gorgeous drag dolls, Brazil Eco Journeys offer of  “Gay Surf Brazil” could be the best.

Literature on the site promises the following:

Ever wanted to surf but was too afraid of not fitting in?

Gay Surf Brazil is THE LGBT Surf Camp of South America.

This annual event started in 2013 as a partnership between Brazil Ecojourneys and Gay Surfers, a social media platform for LGBTQ surfers that has been connecting the community and helping fight homophobia in surfing

Since then, we brought together aspiring and seasoned surfers from the LGBTQ community from all over the world for a week of “surfing and fun amongst friends”.

Gay Surf Brazil is open for all skill levels, from absolute beginners to more advanced surfers.All members of the community and allies are welcome!

Costa Rica has long been known as the Switzerland of Central America. The site Gay Costa Rica described their recent Pride parade thus,

“While Costa Rica may not lead the hemisphere in gay rights, the scene in San Jose over Pride weekend, July 2nd and 3rd, showed a different attitude towards the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgendered Community (LGBT). The streets of San Jose were filled with LGBT community members and supporters…..Drag queens, leather men, traditional dancers, and even puppies decorated in rainbow gear took to the streets to show how the attitude towards the LGBT community is changing.”

Iguana Surf Camp is based in Tamarindo.

According to their site, “Tamarindo gay nightlife is also becoming bigger and bigger. Glitters Fest in Tamarindo was held in April at a bar called Pacífico. It was a huge costume party with DJs, tarot, jugglers, drums, a drag performance, and of course plenty of glitter! The best costume also won a prize. The whole town of Tamarindo was sparkling that night! The next one is already being planned. The bar Rumors recently had a pride event with an awesome drag show and a top DJ. This is sure to repeat!”

If Costa is your chosen spot, keep an eye out for the salt-water crocs that skulk the river mouths. They are the original non-discriminatory social inclusionists and could care less if you’re gay, straight, bi or trans while their golf ball-sized incisors are grabbin’ your limbs and spinnin ’em like a half-beat piñata at a Quinceañera. 

Canary Islands

Before the Spanish decided to unsheathe their swords and poke their flag poles in the grounds across the Canaries, they were inhabited by by the North African Canarii who called the island Tamarán, or ‘Land of the Brave.’

The island of Gran Canaria is an awesome mix of Spanish buildings, streets, cafes and north African landscapes. 

Spain 7 degrees describes its gay surf camp in Gran Canaria as “a week of surfing, sun, energy and fun amongst friends in Maspalomas, Gran Canaria, Canary Islands. It’s time to learn and improve your surfing level with LGBT friends from all over the world in the super Gran Canaria coast. We offer different level course depending on your skills. From beginners to intermediates surfers, everyone will learn how to surf and enjoy the ride. For pros, we will need to drive about 30 minutes to catch proper waves.”

Book here.

Noosa Heads, Australia

In 2017, Safari Surf Adventures hosted an LGBT surf camp in Noosa with coaching by “LGBT advocate“ and two-time runner-up to the gal’s world title Serena Brooke.

“This 7 Night, all-inclusive instructional surf trip offers a unique opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender surfers to experience the highest standard of surf coaching by professional surfers at one of the most desirable surf breaks in the world. Noosa Heads, Australia is a world-famous adventure travel surf destination, known for its expansive beaches and colorful bays. This is the perfect place to advance your surf skills in the stunning crystalline waters fringed by a subtropical rainforest.”

The trip is not running this year but Safari Surf was quick to respond to a request:

“Our Costa Rica location is always open for our LBGTQ friends and we get a lot of traffic there. Or if you’d like to bring a group we can certainly create a cool vacation package that’s all inclusive for you!”

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!