In love, in Waikiki.
In love, in Waikiki.

Modern Waikiki is an earthly paradise of surf, sun, high-end shopping and must be protected from unimaginative bores who would dare tarnish its glorious name!

David Lee Scales has it coming.

Ooooooooooh I don’t get hopping mad much, red in the face, curses bubbling up from deep inside before expectorating out* but on Thursday just past I almost leapt my second coffee table and almost danced with David Lee Scales.

It all happened so quickly.

There we, per the usual, at the finest surf shop San Clemente has to offer, chatting about my pivot from hardened cynic to a bubbling fount of anti-depressive joy (buy here), Jonah Hill being a total pussy, Dave Chappelle delivering a masterpiece etc. when Scales brought up the recent, tragic, surfboard rack fire there in Waikiki and began spouting off on what an abomination Oahu’s crown jewel is.

“I was scared to walk out of my Airbnb because prostitutes were coming up and down the stairs, homeless drug addicts everywhere, big gaudy Chanel stores, blah blah blah it was horrible.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Waikiki has, truly, been on of my very favorite places on earth for decades now. I love everything about it from its history to its architecture to its high-end shopping to its hotels, tourists, Hawaiiana, Roy Yamaguchi’s Hawaiian fusion fare.

Everything.

I could spend the rest of my days waltzing up and down Kalakaua Avenue, never wanting for nothing, and to hear David Lee besmirch it so set my heart pounding, blood boiling.

(WHOOP numbers forthcoming.)

I dished out a stream of truths, allowing him to escape physical violence as he is just about to have a baby any day now, but, later, wondered what you think about Waikiki.

Abomination or gem?

Be careful how you respond.

Listen here for more on Jonah Hill being a complete pussy.

Also, Punch-Drunk Love is one of the greatest movies ever made.

Punch-Drunk Love Trailer

No?

Continue being careful.

*Upon further reflection, I get hopping mad, red in the face, expectorating etc. often.

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commenter
commenter
4 years ago

Still convinced Waikiki is safe and crime free? Talk to this dude, and Reno. https://www.kitv.com/news/c…

J H
J H
4 years ago

When they proposed that Light Rail I told everyone at the office that it would end up billions over budget and may never get finished.

My reference? The 2nd Ave Subway project in NYC.

And that project wasn’t on an island with ancient burial grounds located 2500 miles from the mainland.

J H
J H
4 years ago

Not a bad idea.

Mark Gregg3
Mark Gregg3
4 years ago

Summertime swells. I have wonderfull memories of Waikiki, that will forever dance in my memory bank, no matter how much time passes. One favorite, repeated hundreds of times. Walking thru Waikiki at 5 am to go surf Queens, or publics, and cutting thru the International market place, and listening to all the Vietnamese women speaking French, while setting up their silver and gold carts for the day. I would “ghost” thru there, trying to pass, unobserved, with feeling of being privileged to witness that. Tough, carrying a 9’6″ tanker!

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago

You really missed the boat mate!

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago

Red da bibble… no work for me benny?

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago

eREELYly?..HOW do you spell faarkwit?

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago

Sometimes you gotta lay down to die..summertimes neck on block and enjoy the ride…viva la revolution!

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago

Q jumpers ,.jump contetz

commenter
commenter
4 years ago

At risk of flogging a dead wombat:

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Crime was down because of Covid, but still for 2020:

3,947 motor vehicle thefts = 10 a day. Every day.

25,081 property crimes = 68 a day. Every day.

And that was during a year when tourism was almost non-existent for long periods of time.

PRN
PRN
4 years ago

That’s what I figured you meant- not much violence. No drive by shootings… knock on wood. Only a few false cracks a day/night. But the rip offs are non stop. Beautiful Waikiki. Special place. Just don’t leave your stuff unattended and watch your back and keep two arms lengths from the pschyzos.

commenter
commenter
4 years ago
Reply to  PRN

Correct. Never take your eyes off your stuff, ever.

J H
J H
4 years ago

There were trips where I would walk to Waikiki four or five times and other times where I wouldn’t go at all.

Halloween on Kalakau is like nothing else and gives the NYC parade a run for its money.

Since I only get back there every once in a while now I appreciate Waikiki more than I did when working there.

AI (for ever) .
AI (for ever) .
4 years ago

It’s kinda hard not to love Waikiki but it’s also makes me sad. Imagine how beautiful it was before we fucked it over?
I wonder if the homeless problem is any better now?
There’s something about Hawaii that’s magical. Surf or not. It’s a amazing part of the world.

J H
J H
4 years ago

I miss the old International Marketplace and it’s only been gone a few years.

My favorite Chinese place, Fatty’s, was lost in the purge.

commenter
commenter
4 years ago

Watch this for the Golden Years of Waikiki.

Duke dancing hula at the Moana Surfrider and whatnot.

https://www.benmarcusrules.com/trunk-it-waikiki-1906-wwii-california-1947

It really was a special place for the first half of the 20th Century, but it got paved over.

Passenger jets and statehood, they say.

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
4 years ago

The take away from this is DLS is scared of hookers

J H
J H
4 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Have you seen those dudes?

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
4 years ago

*Chas*

Help us find this girl…

https://www.google.com/amp/…

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago

Man listens…sobs vonr…sobbing, ..agains.8 hrs..mate where do I send the bill?

Adam Shipley
Adam Shipley
4 years ago

Town ain’t so bad. It’s like a good circus. Elephants getting sunburnt, local kids at Walls, good food and nightlife. There are way crazier, dangerous places in this world. It’s not perfect and a lot of its old vibe is gone but it’s still around if you put your feet in the water.

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago
Reply to  Adam Shipley

( nods quietly smiling )….fuck yeah shippies

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
4 years ago

Did Chas say ELo is one of us? Fucken hell.

samwaters
samwaters
4 years ago

Did you forget Chas got to surf Elo’s bosses wave tank for 2 days.

Travis Edgar
Travis Edgar
4 years ago
Reply to  samwaters

I have goldfish memory….!?…I think?

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
4 years ago
Reply to  samwaters

Actually yes. ELo is one now one of us. Do you think he can get BG readers a ticket to see Oprah? Exciting!

samwaters
samwaters
4 years ago

Uhh, I’m pretty sure he’s still riding a Sup.

disqus_00d1gIXedO
disqus_00d1gIXedO
4 years ago

don’t body shame jonah’s labias. they already ruined body-shaming (sticker pending)

astro
astro
4 years ago

So Daves baby is due.
Do we know who the father is ?

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
4 years ago
Reply to  astro

Two mommies


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