"Look out JJF! Dog jumping shark on the way!"
"Look out JJF! Dog jumping shark on the way!"

New cellular phone video game utilizes 37 years of Hawaiian wave data allowing Mark Zuckerberg, Jonah Hill et. al. to surf the 2004 Eddie, 2017 Pipe Masters and more!

For the win.

I’m in Italy, as you may know, carving down the Dolomites, having espresso mid-mountain etc. and it is all so wonderful but don’t worry, I’ll describe fully later and soon. In the meantime, there is a new application for iOS called “Surf” that allows players to ride as a dog on a surfboard hopping over sharks.

Fantastical? Magically no, as the waves themselves happened in real life.

The creator, Andy Bergmann, actually used National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to plug 37 years of real Hawaiian swell into the game, each of the 300 levels represent a condensed month of time starting in 1984. According to Fast Company, “To squeeze all this ocean data into the game, Bergmann tweaked his own algorithm hundreds of times in order to edit down tremendous amounts of real wave data into the shorter, surfable waves in the app. The notable nuance about these video game waves, however, is that they’re actually a wave chart . . . and wave charts correspond with how waves actually look.”

Bergmann says, “Oceanic movement is one of the most clear visualizations of math in the natural world. In cross-section, waves are essentially a moving line graph. You’ll encounter [a] surf in February 2016 so large it will actually carry you off the screen. Search the web, and you’ll find photos of those waves in real life, and read about ‘The Eddie,’ a surfing competition that occurs spontaneously only when the waves become gargantuan.”

All to say, Mark Zuckerberg, Jonah Hill and other surf-adjacent dreamers can now take that shark jumping dog and smash John John Florence at the aforementioned Eddie in 2016 or Bruce Irons in 2004 or even John John Florence again at the 2017 Pipe Masters.

All for only $2.

Cheaper than an electric foil.

Joe Rogan references “bad dog of surf” BeachGrit to 200-million listeners on insanely popular podcast during interview with Shane Dorian! “Oh play this! Sweet baby Jesus!”

Rogan reads the BeachGrit headline in his wonderful baritone, twisting it and wringing it like he would a chicken's neck. 

The insanely popular podcaster, and rare voice of the centre, Joe Rogan, has referenced “bad dog of surf”BeachGrit during an interview with Shane Dorian, a big-wave surfer and one-time Hollywood leading man.

BeachGrit was brought into play during a back and forth about a shark attack by a Great White at Dorian’s home break, Banyans, a couple of weeks back. Rogan reads the typically subdued BeachGrit headline in his wonderful baritone, twisting it and wringing it like he would a chicken’s neck.

There were a few sceptics at the time, one reader saying it was too shallow for a White, known more for their rocket-like hits coming out of the inky depths, than belting surfers at waist-deep reefs.

“That Banyan’s shark incident is assumed to have been a black tip reef shark that had been seen acting aggressive over the last week,” one wrote to BeachGrit. “Grabbed him by the arm and pulled him under and when it pulled him under it whipped around and hit him in the face with its tail. Broke his nose and his jaw and knocked his teeth out. The fireman said he had a nasty cut on his arm and he’ll have a good scar but that’s about the extent of it… The kid said that it was a White shark but everyone who was around said no, and the firemen who responded said no. They also said that if you rewind the surf cam back you can see it happen.”

On Rogan, Dorian dispels the naysayers and describes the event.

“My wife was talking to the girl who was next to him, the shark comes up, nails him, takes him underwater and she’s sitting there, holy shit, this guy is dead, and, holy shit, she thought she was dead too… the shark was moving crazy slow like a big slow submarine. And this massive tank of a shark is in four feet of water.”

“…and just sucked him underwater,” says Rogan.

“It didn’t suck him under, dude,” hoots Dorian, “It grabbed his arm with its jaws and pulled him under… And this girl, his board his gone, he’s gushing blood like crazy, haemorrhaging blood, she’s on her board paddling like crazy, he swam under her board and held under her board and she tried to paddle to the beach. She took off her leash and wrapped it super tight around his arm as a tourniquet. On the way in, another guy swam out and added another tourniquet. It saved his life.

Dorian adds that the surfer is still in ICU, his arm “horribly shredded, lost function in some of his fingers.”

@sarahbrady (Instagram)
@sarahbrady (Instagram)

Celebrated actor-cum-director, Malibu authoritarian Jonah Hill goes “sticker crazy” on new birthday longboard, adorns bottom with colorful flair!

Slide n glide.

I will tell you one thing lame about growing up: falling out of love with stickers. But do you remember when you used to dawn your local surf shop’s door, press your nose against the glass and select 1 – 3 stickers? My favorite were Pirate Surf, Billabonic and the Rusty R Dot. I would gather a baggie each summer when my family drove California’s coast to visit grandma down south and when I got home I would lay them out, gaze lovingly at each, then carefully apply them to my chest of drawers just like my North County, San Diego cousins did.


Of course, that magic fades and now I don’t now purchase stickers from surf shops, even though I still love them, so was overjoyed to see celebrated actor/director, Malibu stand-out, Jonah Hill in the throes of sticker magic on his just-passed birthday.

In a loving post from Hill’s surf instructor girlfriend (top), the white longboard can be seen, bejeweled from tip to tail and on the bottom with “Surf Jew” stickers amongst others.

Stickering the bottom a serious commitment to excellence.

Happy Birthday, Jonah Hill!

Ex-Huntington Beach mayor pro tempore, MMA legend Tito Ortiz lists Surf City harbour home for a neat $6 mil ahead of Christmas!

Room for a 50 ft yacht.

I am now sitting in the shadow of the Dolomites, sun setting, having completed a travel journey from Mother Ginger to Cortina in a record setting run. Draped in Moncler, feeling that cold mountain air, ready to ride. Oh, you’ll see my WHOOP numbers documenting the 30-hour sprint soon but in the meantime, former Huntington Beach Mayor Pro Tempore, and mixed martial arts legend, Tito Ortiz is selling his Huntington Harbour home, ahead of Christmas, for the low low price of 6 million United States dollars (adjusted for inflation).

Per the listing:

Built on Davenport Island in 2006, the 3,887-square-foot waterfront house has four bedrooms and four bathrooms. It backs onto a 50-foot dock with room for a yacht and a Duffy. Ortiz, a popular mixed martial arts fighter turned politician, bought the Tuscan-inspired house with its stone and stucco exterior, Spanish tile roof, arched doorways, and stone balustrades in 2008 for $3.25 million, property records show. He shared it at the time with ex-adult film star Jenna Jameson, the mother of his twin sons.

Features include a wood-paneled office just off the entry. A formal dining room with built-in china cabinets connects to a 300-bottle, temperature-controlled wine cellar with a rolling library ladder.

A fireplace warms the family room, opening the gourmet kitchen equipped with high-end appliances.

The interior boasts hand-laid limestone, wrought iron railings and custom woodwork.

Just off the primary suite is a harbor view patio. A see-through fireplace separates the primary bedroom from the bathroom, with its oversized soaking tub. Two walk-in closets add to the perks.


Did you know, though, that Cortina was site of one of the most famous World War I battles ever? A high altitude trench war where the Italians fought the Austro-Hungarians along the Lagazuoi Front?

I’m surprised “Lagazuoi Front” never became a surf-adjacent neo-punk outfit.

Learn more here.

Ingrid Seiple escapes furious wild boar, board not so lucky. | Photo: KITV4

Oahu surfer attacked by wild boar near mythical Kaena Point, “I was trying to paddle away and it was getting closer. I pushed the board between the pig and I and it bit my board!”

"Disoriented" wild pig with injuries to its face, likely sustained from hunting dogs, goes after Oahu surfer.

A North Shore surfer, a vet of thirty-five years, has survived a hit by a wild boar while surfing a secret-ish outer reef a third of a mile out to sea near mythical Kaena Point, that “narrow, dry, west-pointing finger of land located on the northwest tip of Oahu.” 

Ingrid Seiple was surfing a joint she’d never ridden with “slabs of coral coming out of the water” when she saw a dark shape in the water. Seiple figured it was a Hawaiian monk seal, then a log with fibres coming off the trunk but when she looked a little closer, a head came out of the water and,“That’s when I realized it was a pig and it saw me. It started swimming toward me as fast as it could! I was shocked,” Seiple told KITV4. “I was trying to paddle away, it was very close and it was getting closer. I pushed the board between the pig and I and it bit my board.”

As the boar hit her board, Seiple dived underwater to escape its jaws. 

“It looked very disoriented. It turned out to sea and started swimming. When I came up it was still swimming out to sea.”

Seiple’s theory is the boar was chased into the water by hunting dogs, injuries on its face a reflection of its own existential flight.  

Watch Seiple recount the event here!