John John Florence casts his all-powerful shadow over
Pipeline. | Photo: WSL
Two-time world surfing champ John John
Florence wins fifth Pipeline crown as little brother Ivan steals
show with perfect ten-point ride and podium finish!
By Derek Rielly
Flo-bros dominate The Pipe!
Earlier today, John John Florence took his iron hard-on
and blew the achey pressure in his balls into his fifth
Pipeline crown.
The almost thirty-year-old two-time world champion with the
impervious reputation adds the HIC Pipe Pro to last year’s
Billabong Pipe Masters, and his three Volcom Pipe Pros, 2012, 2013
and 2015.
Florence took the last-minute win against fellow Hawaiian Barron
Mamiya, little bro Ivan and Kainehe Hunt.
It was Ivan, twenty-five, who stunned the world, however, with a
ten-point ride in the quarters.
If anyone’s surprised that Ivan, who is twenty-five and who
looks like a roughed up Mason Ho, can shred, they shouldn’t be.
As middle-bro Nathan told BeachGrit a few years back,
“Ivan has the sickest style. His style is way sicker me or John’s.
He’s so smooth, like, Tom Curren.”
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Real shame this happy lil house is gonna be
bulldozed.
Dilapidated beach shack in down-at-heel
Gold Coast suburb known as “meth alley” sells for almost
five-and-a-half million dollars!
By Derek Rielly
The last of the great bullish sales!
A decrepit beach shack in a Gold Coast beach suburb
famous for its distinctive rows of run-down houses made in the
nineteen-fifties, curtains drawn even in the middle of a bright
winter day, fronts for the hydroponic and meth units deftly hidden
inside, has sold for $A5.4 million.
The original three-bedder at 233 Jefferson Lane, made from the
fibro cement sheeting popular in that post-war period, occupies
four-thousand square feet of absolute beachfront land and sits amid
various trophy homes and apartment towers, including Kelly Slater’s
joint a few hundred yards down the road at Joy on
Jefferson.
“Is it your time to make a statement on the beachfront landscape
with a luxury masterpiece, where you can create everlasting
memories for your loved ones? Would you like to feel the sand
between your toes daily and rinse off with a therapeutic salt water
cleanse after your morning beach walk?”
The joint harks back to a much simpler time of
surf and TV.
On a recent forum where readers were invited to detail what
suburbs to avoid on the Gold Coast, Palm Beach was regularly
noted.
Full of deadbeat bogans people who dont work and live on the
dole and think its cool. Not all of them of course but alot of
people around those areas are
Palmy, druggies.
All I can say is avoid Palm Beach. Full of druggies and
bogans and has a very high crime rate. Last time I was down there,
there was a chap on his balcony with guns to two people’s heads
screaming and yelling. The SERT team came out and ushered us all
into random people’s garages and stormed the unit complex. From
what I heard afterwards the ended up shooting the dude from the
road. It was like something off TV! Time before that the local
video shop was broken into. It’s getting worse.
Really beautiful beach though 🙂
The sale was, likely, one of the last bullish hits of the great
Australian real estate bubble (six months back a block of Palm
Beach land, not beachfront that had sold for $1.4 mill in March,
went for $2.4 mill in June) which is screeching to a halt under a
combo of expected interest rate rises and an oversupply of vendors
wanting to cash in their joints for outrageous sums.
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Decades after popularizing removable fin
systems, champion surfer Kelly Slater concludes they are great
environmental evil; launches new “green” removable fin system!
By Chas Smith
We live in the futures.
Surfing can, in many ways, be broken up into B.K. and A.K.
Before Kelly and Anno Kelly. B.K., everyone had glass on fins and
purchased paper surf magazines. A.K. everyone rides removable fin
systems and has paper surf-adjacent catalogs junk mailed to their
homes.
And where would we be if Slater had not popularized FCS? In a
world of hurt is where but, decades later, it has been revealed
that removable fins are actually bad for the environment and end up
littering reefs etc. The 11-time surfing world champion, never
missing an opportunity to wash the world a new, glorious shade of
green, has taken it upon himself to launch a more eco-friendly
alternative to those fin systems currently on the market.
Introducing Endorfins.
Per the press release:
Kelly has always had a deep relationship and passion for
fins being that they are a critical component of board design and
performance. We wanted to bring this to life by launching a fin
brand driven by Kelly’s vision of performance and eco
responsibility. We believe as surfers we have a responsibility to
make fins as eco-friendly as possible and ensure we keep our ocean
floor free from “Lost and Broken fins.”
The design of these fins are the culmination of Kelly’s many
years and extensive experience with a variety of designs and
templates. This unique flex pattern is created by a carbon twill,
layered with an ultralight carbon veil over a P.E.T core. The P.E.T
core is 90% air resulting in Fins so light they float on water.
Combining that knowledge, and several rounds of testing and
adjusting over the past year and a half, we are excited to present
Endorfins to the world.
The fins work in either FCS or Futures boxes and will float out
to the great plastic garbage island in the sea instead of getting
buried with sand.
Progress.
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"Lemme heal you."
In wild twist no surfer saw coming,
generally misanthropic sharks possess protein that acts as antibody
to dreaded Covid virus!
By Chas Smith
A paradigm shift.
What a time, no? Filled with so much upside
down oddity, so much counter-intuitive strange. Who could have ever
thought that pumping tons and tons of free money into an economy
makes the price of goods go up? Who would have ever dreamed that
shark, generally misanthropic, hold the secret to curing mankind of
its current dreaded ailment?
Not surfers, certainly, but a new study just released in the
scientific journal Nature Communications makes it entirely clear
that sharks, broadly man-eating, have proteins that act as antibody
to Covid-19 and its variations.
Single-domain Variable New Antigen Receptors (VNARs) from
the immune system of sharks are the smallest naturally occurring
binding domains found in nature. Possessing flexible paratopes that
can recognize protein motifs inaccessible to classical antibodies,
VNARs have yet to be exploited for the development of SARS-CoV-2
therapeutics. Here, we detail the identification of a series of
VNARs from a VNAR phage display library screened against the
SARS-CoV-2 receptor binding domain (RBD). The ability of the VNARs
to neutralize pseudotype and authentic live SARS-CoV-2 virus
rivalled or exceeded that of full-length immunoglobulins and other
single-domain antibodies. Crystallographic analysis of two VNARs
found that they recognized separate epitopes on the RBD and had
distinctly different mechanisms of virus neutralization unique to
VNARs. Structural and biochemical data suggest that VNARs would be
effective therapeutic agents against emerging SARS-CoV-2 mutants,
including the Delta variant, and coronaviruses across multiple
phylogenetic lineages. This study highlights the utility of VNARs
as effective therapeutics against coronaviruses and may serve as a
critical milestone for nearing a paradigm shift of the greater
biologic landscape.
I am almost loathe to share the wonderful news, as sharks have
long been a natural deterrent to the VAL invasion but maybe no
longer.
Maybe many soft toppers will head out to the lineup hoping to
catch a little nibble along with the other great passion of
clogging the inside.
The shark proteins have not been tested on humans yet but will
be soon and I think surfers, for all the frontline work done
amongst the toothy beasts, should be first in line.
Sensible.
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Coke, good for kissing!
Forty-six kilos of “pure white cocaine”,
worth millions, found on beach at Jeffreys Bay! “Until you’ve got
your mouth full of cocaine, you don’t know what kissing is”
By Derek Rielly
Cocaine's a hell of a drug etc.
A forty-six kilogram shipment of “pure white cocaine”,
compressed into bricks and sealed in black plastic, was found on
the beach at Jeffreys Bay last Wednesday and handed into
local police by a couple walking their dog.
“The suspected drugs were seized for forensic examination and
the docket was referred to Hawks Serious Organised Crime
Investigation team based in Gqeberha for a further probe,” said the
local head cop. “No arrest at this stage pending the ongoing
investigation.”
J-Bay coke.
It’s about now you play that little game of what-would-you-do?
Forty-six kegs ain’t an amount to be trifled with.
Cut into one-gram bags, street value in Australia $400, let’s
say it’s diluted by fifty percent, and that’s thirty-six million
dollars. (Unless my maths ain’t functioning.)
Yeah, South Africa is a hell of a lot cheaper. And, yeah, that’s
someone else’s coke and they ain’t gonna be happy if you’re
schlepping it around.
So what would you do?
Hand it in?
Cut a piece off for personal use, maybe a little extra for
pals?
Go full Pablo Escobar?
Me?
Ain’t my favourite treat although I do subscribe to Aleister Crowley’s take in Diary of a Drug Fiend.
“Until you’ve got your mouth full of cocaine, you don’t know
what kissing is. One kiss goes on from phase to phase like one of
those novels by Balzac and Zola and Romain Rolland and D. H.
Lawrence and those chaps. And you never get tired. You’re on fourth
speed all the time, and the engine purrs like a kitten, a big white
kitten with the stars in its whiskers.”