“Brings new meaning to the world beachfront.”

One of those pretty clapboard houses built on the sand at Rocky Point on Oahu’s North Shore has collapsed into the Pacific after heavy winter swells gobbled up all the sand.

At one am, the Honolulu Fire Department responded to reports of a downed power line and “that a house was falling into the ocean.”

Neighbours are freaking out, natch, ‘cause they figure their multi-million dollar joints could be next.

“It makes me emotional because I’m hoping that all these agencies are here to be helpful and maybe they have solutions,” neighbour Jeannie Martinson told KITV4.

Department of Land and Natural Resources Chairperson Suzanne Case says the only long-term solution is gonna be for those houses to move back from the beachfront.

“It is a terrible situation and we are very sympathetic with it and at the same time we don’t have all the answers, you know, we can’t solve everything,” Case told KITV4.

Honolulu Mayor Rick Blangiardi told a press conference they were gonna look into the usual short-term solutions, sand bags etc, but added, “I think we have to be in favor regrettably of what’s happening in the world, and I say regrettably because climate change is real, sea level rise is definitely real.”

Case agreed and called the situation “a long time coming. We knew it was going to happen eventually. It’s a dangerous situation, as debris is falling into the ocean. This is sad … climate change, sea level rise, and wave energy in new powerful patterns. This is a beach that’s important to everyone. The houses are built on sand berms and there’s just no way they can last long-term. We continue to encourage the homeowners here to seek other alternatives.”

Three-time NSSA champ and runner-up to Zeke Lau’s Ultimate Surfer, Koa Smith, said, “Today the first house on the North Shore fell in. It sucks, man. The ocean takes what it wants. We’re just living here temporarily. It sucks for the family. This is one of many, be really interesting, in the next couple of years all these might fall in, over at Pupukea and all that. Brings new meaning to beachfront.”

 

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“judgy f–ker”

There was much consternation, years ago, when it was revealed that a man from Oklahoma would be taking the reins of our World Surf League. “Oklahoma?” Santa Barbarans, San Clementarinos, Haleiwaites muttered under briny breath. “What can Oklahoma know of this grand ocean? What can this Sooner teach us?”

Well, he taught us that professional surfing can be successfully moved inland (See: Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch) and it has also just been revealed that Oklahoma is homa to a mother who could absolutely shatter the Sprinter van set and raise the greatest legend since Andy Irons but have you read the reported tale of Abby Broyles candidate (democrat) of Oklahoma’s 5th congressional district?

Now, the story goes that she went to the house of a friend who was hosting a sleepover with “multiple middle school girls present.”

Broyles, it is alleged, began drinking red wine, chasing that with red wine, followed by a flight of red wine then, according to the New York Post:

The report states that Broyles insulted the girls attending the sleepover after becoming intoxicated, according to multiple people interviewed by the news outlet, who said she allegedly said one girl was an “acne f–ker,” and hurled multiple insults at other young girls as well.

“Hispanic f–ker,” she allegedly said to one girl, and “judgy f–ker” to another.

One of the young girls left the room in tears after being insulted by Broyles, according to the report.

Broyles also allegedly vomited into a laundry basket as well as a girl’s shoe, according to the report.

Now, imagine how the mothers of up-and-coming professional surfers with names like Landon or Bradon or Wolf or King would deal with this full frontal assault. They would not, pack up the Sprinter and retreat to trampoline parks leaving Broyles and her kin to continue dominance on the future of professional surfing.

You’re doin’ fine, Oklahoma. Oklahoma O.K.

#WSLSHAME, #WILDCARDS SCANDAL, #WHATEQUALITY???

The surfboard shaper Jon Pyzel, whom you know as the stud who gives world champ John John Florence wings. has joined a chorus of voices demanding the winner of the Billabong Pro Pipeline, Moana Jones Wong, be gifted a wildcard to the Portugal event, which begins in four days. 

Pyzel reposted an Instagram story from Peter King, the outspoken photographer and former bandmate of Kelly Slater.

“Good point!” writes Pyzel. “What’s the story WSL?”

You might remember Peter from his #TourNotes series, candid, funny, and which was bought, watered down into a bad cordial and subsequently killed by the WSL.

“Wow. If Barron Mamiya or ANY GUY was in third place in the rankings, do you think the WSL would not include them?” wrote King. “What a joke. #radiosilence #WSLshame #WhatEquality??? Moana should be in Portugal. Equal pay but not equal play.”

Jones Wong, who won the Pipeline women’s event as a wildcard and who was subsequently given a wildcard into the second event at Sunset where she finished seventeenth, wasn’t invited to event three on the card, MEO Pro Portugal. 

The wildcard was given to Hispanic surfer Tia Blanco, the winner of ABC’s Ultimate Surfer.

Still, it ain’t just Pyzel and King throwing their support behind the Hawaiian Jones Wong. 

A few weeks ago, the baseball -bat swinging, send-the-king-of-the-Hui to jail hell-raiser Ian “Kanga” Cairns called on the WSL to gift Jones Wong a wildcard to compete in every event for the remainder of the Championship Tour season. 

“She has singlehandedly put the WSL Women’s CT on her back and she’ll make Margaret River, Grajagan, Teahupoo and even Super Tubos electric,” said Cairns. “To earn respect and to build a sport, that’s what Moana can catalyze in women’s surfing. Today’s waves have changed the game. Every young girl at BSR or Urbansurf now knows the pendulum has swung.”