“Surfing is truly just the start of what we’re hoping to build here.”

The promise of two wave tanks in every town and a chicken in every pot has not materialized the way rabid surfers might have hoped. Surf Ranches, Surf Lakes and Wavegardens are still relatively far and few between but that reality has not dampened the lofty expectations of developers who continue to feel extremely bullish about manmade juice.

Take, for example, the proposed Tampa Bay wonderland set to open near Tampa Bay in 2025 that will utilize the aforementioned Surf Lakes’ patented rusty plunger technology. Per a just-released report:

The 30-acre amenity, an adventure park that can simulate ocean waves, is being developed by Tony Miller, with assistance from Hotel & Leisure Advisors — a hospitality consultancy whose clients include Crystal Lagoons Corp. and Great Wolf Resorts Inc. According to a news release, the project could generate $50 million in revenue in its first year of operation, in addition to creating 700 jobs.

The facility’s features, according to the release, could also include pristine beaches, concert and event venues, bars and restaurants, retailers, education and business facilities, fitness and wellness amenities, and more.

“Beyond tapping into the widespread surf culture and introducing a destination to the Tampa Bay area that will draw interest from all over the world, we’re creating a shared experience that every single member of this community will benefit from in some way,” Miller states in the release. “Surfing is truly just the start of what we’re hoping to build here.”

$50 million bucks a year is nothing to sneeze at but do you think our lifestyle and its adjacents is filled with that much lucre?

A blue rush just over the horizon?

Cheeseburger in paradise.

"Hit them with a good amount of speed."

Men’s Journal, which must be on the verge of cancellation with its gender exclusive title, just released its coveted “10 Best Surfboards on Amazon Under $600” guide doubling down on erasure. Amazon, the consumerist behemoth, is, theoretically, on the block too what with slave wages and slave hours for hundreds of thousands of employees but bedfellows etc. and let us examine the 10 Best Surfboards on Amazon Under $600 guide in depth.

Wavestorm, a Costco sensation, is obviously near the top with Men’s Journal raving about the 8′ model, “This is a classic surfboard to learn how to get started on. A durable design makes this a good pickup for the newbs out there.”

“Newbs” an internet version of “VALs.”

The “classic” is followed up by Wavestorm’s 15th anniversary edition, also 8′ and also in landfill ready foam. It has “a fun new design to make you stand out from the pack when you’re out there putting the work in.”

The Catch Surf Odysea 54″ special tri-fin is for those ready to take the next step. “The more comfortable you get, the more you’re gonna want to challenge those waves. Hit them with a good amount of speed.”

But the clear winner of the whole shootin’ match is one Benjamin Franklin Graeff better known to you and me as Ben Gravy.

Gravy’s Wave Bandit gets highest praise of all based on the fact that it is his board. Star power. The distinctive pineapple skull head with sunglasses soft top swings in at $350 on Amazon and have you ever seen one in the wild?

I did just yesterday. Its owner seemed to enjoy paddling in place very near shore.

Fun.

But back to Men’s Journal. What will its name be when forced to abandon “Men?”

Birthing Person Journal?

Them Journal?

Sports Illustrated?

Help.

An unfolding disaster.

Tonight, Wednesday, July 20th, is the athletic world’s answer to the Academy Awards, the Grammys, etc. The ESPYs, a red carpet, black tie affair, put on by sporting news giant ESPN, will air live at 8:00 pm PST from Los Angeles’ Dolby Theater and be hosted by basketball great Steph Curry. And while it should be a moment of wonderful celebration of world records being shattered, championships being won, a sexist controversy has exploded like a bomb.

ESPN has allegedly decided not to invite women to the dance.

Per reporting in Fansided:

The 2022 ESPY Awards are set to go down in Los Angeles on Wednesday but one of the biggest nights in sports will have a dark cloud hanging over it after several nominated athletes were not invited to the ceremony.

Of the athletes speaking out about their lack of invitation … they are all women.

Nicole Baxter the teammate of ESPY nominee Caprice Dydasco took aim at ESPN for withholding a seat at the ceremony.

“In what world would @espn nominate Cappy for best NWSL (National Women’s Soccer League) player and then tell us that category is not invited to the ESPYS????????” Baxter tweeted. “The constant disrespect for womens sports SMH.”

It is not the first time ESPN has made a gendered or abelist blunder.

Back in 2016, inspirational surf star Bethany Hamilton was nominated in the “Best Female Athlete with a Disability” category but subsequently threw it right back in ESPN’s face, ESPN trying to spin by claiming, “Bethany expressed that she was appreciative of the nomination but didn’t feel it was a good fit for her, so ESPN removed her from the category upon her request.”

Hamilton was, most definitely, not appreciative of the nomination.

Rude of ESPN to make unfortunate assumptions even in 2016 when humankind’s mind was slept.

Ruder, today, to forget to invite women altogether.

On a happier note, I suppose, the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater has won six ESPYs and the world’s most beloved surfer, Mick Fanning, has won one.

Still does not help the unfolding disaster.

Will there be boycotts?

Monies where mouths are?

Let’s hope.