@jessimileydyer Instagram
@jessimileydyer Instagram

Worry turns to sheer panic as World Surf League SVP of Tours, Head of Competition, appears to still be in Rio de Janeiro drinking poolside lemon drops with promising J-Bay event less than 24-hours away!

Or maybe gimlets.

Ok, ok, ok, I really, really don’t want to worry you, here, but J-Bay is basically 24-hours away, maybe less by the time you read this. It is the first World Surf League Championship Tour event with a promising swell forecast in the last I don’t even know how many, Surfline bullishness notwithstanding.

There is only one problem and I really, really don’t want to cause stress but… World Surf League’s Senior Vice President of Tours, Head of Competition, Jessi Miley-Dyer is still not there.


Delighting surf fans yesterday, Miley-Dyer posted a selfie sitting poolside enjoying much deserved “me time.” Those same fans, though, were slightly troubled by her caption reading, “Still here Rio. I’m never leaving Brazil.”

She, theoretically, still had enough time to hop a flight and arrive in South Africa in time for the opening hooter and, possibly, the “never leaving Brazil” was metaphorical. A reference to emotionally never leaving Brazil, holding the country’s charms in her heart and taking them with her.

Anxiousness has turned into sheer panic today, however, as it appears that Miley-Dyer is still poolside in Rio, via her Instagram Stories (above), this time drinking a lemon drop.

Maybe a gimlet.

Bespoke caipirinha?

If she is not on J-Bay’s sand, holding a finger to the winds, sussing conditions, taking professional surfer temperatures as to its contestability and/or relative scariness then delivering “It’s on” or “It’s off” direct to camera, the contest will not be able to run.

I do not want to rule out the possibility that she has access to a private flight but… am white knuckling here.

Breathing into a paper bag.

More as the story develops.

Red Hill Leak courtesy Honolulu Civil Beat
Red Hill Leak courtesy Honolulu Civil Beat

Newly released video shows thousands of gallons of jet fuel spewing from Honolulu Naval facility and into Oahu’s drinking water system!

It's got electrolytes.

Tragedy struck the island of Oahu, in late November, when pipes holding jet fuel at a Naval storage facility burst after a driver inadvertently bumped a PVC valve and spewed tens of thousands of toxic gallons into the environment for thirty-plus hours. Hundreds of families living around Pearl Harbor were later sickened by drinking or showering in contaminated water.

According to Honolulu Civil Beat:

The Navy says most of the fuel was captured in the end. However, up to 5,542 gallons of fuel were never recovered. Some portion of that amount is believed to have contaminated Pearl Harbor’s drinking water through the porous concrete of the tunnel and a drain line located on the floor of the tunnel that connects directly to the drinking water source. The leak was just 380 feet away from the well, according to the Navy’s investigation.

Despite knowledge of the severity of the leak and its proximity to the nearby Red Hill well, military leaders assured residents that their drinking water was safe and there was no cause for alarm. They continued those assurances even after the Hawaii Department of Health issued a Do Not Drink advisory on Nov. 29.

Well, just-released video shows the actual jet fuel geyser and it is amazing that this sort of business can be stored so closely to drinking water wells, even more amazing that officials give a green light to drinking jet fuel.

Does it have electrolytes?


Shakira (pictured) on board but with no instructor.
Shakira (pictured) on board but with no instructor.

As football stud Gerard Pique allegedly seeks reconciliation with estranged songbird Shakira, heartbroken surfers worldwide bemoan fate of sexy surf instructor!

Troublingly Gatsby-eque.

Spanish news is reporting that Gerard Pique, defensive back for the Barcelona Football Club, has just broken off his affair with a waitress and is allegedly hoping to reconcile with his estranged wife, the chanteuse, Shakira. Normally this sort of twist would be, should be, embraced by the public. A family being stitched back together again. Love reigning. But surfers around the world are increasingly heartbroken by events as they are unfolding.

You will certainly recall in the very heat of allegations surfacing that all was not well in the Pique-Shakira household, potential infidelities etc. that Shakira absconded to Spain’s north in order to be healed by the therapeutic properties of surfing. There she worked, diligently, smile beginning to present on her face but only after a mysterious sexy surf instructor entered the scene did that smile explode like fireworks.

The unnamed man helped the multi-platinum selling artist smooth her frontside flow and clearly cheered her heart. Surf fans wondered if it was possible that a Jonah Hill-esque fairytale might be playing out before our very eyes. Hill, you celebrate, met and fell in love with his own surf instructor. The two now live together and post adorable selfies on important days.

A dream that we all have for Shakira but now in light of reconciliation maybe dashed upon the rock. Life imitating art. Oh not Jonah Hill beautiful craftsmanship but rather F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby where, at the end, the philandering husband wins and the bold lover is shot dead.

Light a candle, tonight, for the sexy surf instructor.

“I feel like the short concept, the less is more concept, denies the performance to become a dance. It stops it from having the ability to link in what the entirety of the wave’s opportunity on offer and create some art with it."

World’s favourite surf commentator Barton Lynch releases wildly profound guide to upcoming J-Bay event, “The less is more concept denies the performance to become a dance and the dance is what we’ll get back at Jeffrey’s Bay!”

And introduces the “distinct length of ride stigma”, a judging determination where two turns can now beat a mile-long ride.

Although currently benched from the WSL’s commentary lineup, the world champ Barton Lynch has released the essential guide to the upcoming J-Bay Pro, his opinions like homing warheads with atomic loads.

Lynch explains why Ethan Ewing, one of the most skilful men in the graceful art of rail-surfing needs to evolve his aerial surfing to match the Brazilians, and draws comparisons between the Brazilian dominance of modern professional surfing with the heat delivered by Australian pro’s in the eighties.


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A post shared by Barton Lynch (@barton_lynch)


There is the “distinct length of ride stigma”, he says, a judging determination where two turns can now beat a mile-long ride.

“I want the long ones, I want the longest wave I can get, the longest tube I can get, I’m not about short anything in that sense,” says Lynch. “I feel like the short concept, the less is more concept, denies the performance to become a dance. It stops it from having the ability to link in what the entirety of the wave’s opportunity on offer and create some art with it. Something that is absolutely beautiful, that is magic surfing. As opposed to a quick gymnastic vault where you run up and throw the vault and you get the score…The dance is what we’ll get back at Jeffreys Bay.”


Miley-Dyer (pictured) in no hurry.
Miley-Dyer (pictured) in no hurry.

Opening of Corona Open J-Bay, hours away, thrown into wrenching doubt as World Surf League SVP of Tours, Head of Competition, remains missing in action: “Still here Rio. I’m never leaving Brazil!”

Grab the stress ball.

Fans of professional surfing at its highest level could not be more excited for the upcoming Corona Open J-Bay which is set to kick off in South Africa in less than 48 hours. After a string of events featuring lackluster swell, the forecast for the Open is very promising, likely a Surfline 80 – 100ft, and wave-starved devotees are growing increasingly rabid. Can Filipe Toledo, for example, drive a dagger into the heart of his competition yet still lose the crown months later at Lower Trestles to an increasingly beefed up Italo Ferreira?

Will homegrown hero Jordy Smith cap a Joel Parkinson-lite career with an out the front win?

All that energy, passion, might just be for nothing, though, as it was revealed today that the World Surf League Senior Vice President of Tours and its Head of Competition is missing. Or not missing but refusing to leave site of the last stop of sunny Rio de Janeiro.

Taking to Instagram, Jessi Miley-Dyer declared, “Still here Rio. I’m never leaving Brazil.”

While enthusiasts thrilled at Miley-Dyer enjoying much-deserved “me time,” worry began to grow that she will not, in fact, make it to J-Bay in time for the Open.

If she left the pool this very minute, it would still take over thirty hours of fly time and that is just to Cape Town. A further seven-odd more hours of driving and/or hopping an ecologically sound helicopter next to surfing great Kelly Slater and family.

Still within the window but disciples are beginning to bite fingernails, nervously check watches every three minutes or so.

Without Miley-Dyer present, the event will not be able to be called “on” or “off” and left in a state of permanent flux.

Can this be scripted?

Is the World Surf League collapsing before our hungry eyes?

More as the story develops.