Daughter of US ex-President George W. Bush
viciously and publicly savages twin sister, daughters, for riding
soft-top surfboards, accurately though archaically decrying as
“sissy surfing!”
By Chas Smith
Heavy slam.
Core surfers found an unlikely ally in the
ongoing war against cheaply made soft-top surfboards. The Wavestorm
front has witnessed victory after victory since the beginning of
the Covid epidemic with that Costco bestseller, and others of its
ilk, clogging lineups around the globe leaving the aforementioned
grumpy local low and sad, sunk to mid-chest on his pointy
thruster.
But maybe a turn in tide?
Coming absolutely out of the blue, Jenna Bush, ex-United States
President George W. Bush’s daughter, viciously and publicly savaged
her twin sister and own two young daughters for participating in
the soft-top life.
In a post to Instagram featuring the Bush twins and girls
standing on the beach in wetsuits surrounding two large soft-tops
with a third lying flabby on the sand.
While the word “sissy” has fallen out of fashion, being
identified as “sexist” in guidance issued to United Kingdom schools
and described as “just as unacceptable as racist and homophobic
language,” in the United States, Bush’s message was loud and
harshly clear.
Will the slur be enough to retard soft-top sales?
Fingers, everywhere, are crossed.
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Toledo, right, in the LA Times.
World number one surfer Filipe Toledo
becomes unwitting face of San Clemente feticide furore as council
overwhelmingly rejects“god-ordained” resolution declaring city an
“abortion-free zone”!
By Derek Rielly
“It appears to me to be a document that could have
been written by a Taliban tribunal."
Remember that wild anti-abortion resolution set to go
before the San Clemente council three weeks
back?
In the main and only image, Toledo, who is widely expected to
win this year’s world surfing title despite performing poorly in
Tahiti, is pictured crossing the railway tracks at Lowers with a
pal. The caption reads, “Surfers cross the railroad tracks near San
Clemente’s North Beach. San Clemente Councilman Steve Knoblock has
proposed that the city become a ‘sanctuary for life.’”
And, ever since Roe v Wade got iced, giving states the right to
allow, or more pointedly, disallow, abortions, San Clemente’s
pro-lifers have come out swinging.
Councilman, Stevie Knoblock wanted the Council to formally agree
that it “considers life to begin at conception” and to push back
against Planned Parenthood health centres or anywhere the unborn
are killed.
“There probably isn’t a family in America that hasn’t been
impacted by abortion,” Knoblock told the LA Times.“The [resolution]
will get people thinking about what society has been doing for 50
years.”
San Clemente’s mayor Gene Walsh, also red, said he was
“appalled” by the resolution, “It appears to me to be a document
that could have been written by a Taliban tribunal, and I’ll say
that as a conservative, pro-life Republican.”
Anyway, the whole thing stunk to hell and back and council voted
three to one to withdraw the proposal from the agenda of an
upcoming meeting.
Not that it mattered one way or the other.
The resolution, even if had passed, was symbolic. There ain’t an
abortion clinic or hozzy knocking off bebes anywhere in
town.
“The fact is, California is a state
where abortion is legal and there’s nothing the San Clemente
City Council can do about that regardless of whether we are
pro-life or pro-choice,” said Walsh.
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Not me but also not not me.
In day and age of unchecked surf rage, surf
journalist confesses to screaming in the face of a 76-year-old
woman: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone (into a
single fin, longboard, foil, Wavestorm or board of choice)!”
By Chas Smith
Rage, rage against the dying light.
It is undeniable that we live in a day and age
of heightened surf rage. From La Jolla to
Malibu across
the grand Pacific to Snapper Rocks,
and back again to San Francisco,
“out of control violence” is our currency. Why? Difficult to say
but I think easy to blame Covid, Costco and… I don’t know,
something else that starts with a “C.”
Climate change.
In any case, David Lee and I received a call from an irate
TikToker today during our weekly chat. He was furious that the
anonymous account he made to denigrate surf rager Andy Lyon, dubbed
“the angriest man in
surfing,” did not get the mob action he was hoping
for, that David Lee and I didn’t interview the “boy” victim who
turned out to be a twenty-year-old man, or bystanders.
That Lyon basically skated.
“And you call yourself surf journalists…” he seethed into the
phone.
David Lee immediately distanced himself from the “surf
journalist” moniker but not me. Sure, my form of reportage isn’t
“rigorous” or “good” sometimes not “accurate” but it does get to
hearts of matters every so often which brings us back to surf
rage.
No act of of it is ever “right” but who amongst us, here, hasn’t
sinned?
I’ll throw myself straight under the bus first. A few years ago
I was surfing out the front. Being that it was out the front, in
Cardiff by the Sea, I’m certain that it wasn’t epic but epic is
neither here nor there. So here and there I was out with a small
knot including a very elderly woman on a longboard. A wave came, I
caught it, she dropped right in front of me and failed to exit the
wave even after I whistled. Another wave came, she dropped right in
front of me and failed to exit when I hooted. Another wave came,
she dropped right in front of me and failed to exit when I screamed
and so I paddled up to her and hollered, “HEY! What’s your deal?
You have done me wrong three times in a row!” She, confused,
responded, “I was paddling first.”
Oh how my blood boiled.
“You were paddling first? Yeah? That does not matter at all! I
was in position and you are an absolute idiot and dumb!” I exploded
right in her face, peppering with many swears.
Now, of course I was surfing in a spot enjoyed by old ladies and
getting burned by one, all embarrassing for me and my surf rage
only made the scene more embarrassing but surf rage I did because
that’s what we do.
Not acceptable, a blot on my ledger, I cursed out an old lady
but, again, who amongst us is spotless?
Listen to the full conversation, now or later, and share your
favorite indiscretion below.
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Old man Ross Williams lays down the law.
Over-fifties surf community in shock
following defeat of Kelly Slater in invitation-only contest at
wildly exclusive Four Seasons Hotel in Maldives, “It felt really
good to beat Kelly. Every time I can beat him, it’s a personal win
for me!”
By Derek Rielly
“It’s pretty obvious, but it’s really difficult to
beat him. I’ve surfed against him a ton of times in my life and he
usually gets me every time."
The aged surf community, that dreadful over-fifties male
with his elongated ball sack and sad little cock and belief that
surfing can be “regulated”, is in shock this morning following the
defeat of their icon Kelly Slater in the second round of
the invitation-only Four Seasons Maldives Surfing Champions
Trophy.
The contest runs over three days. Single fins. Twins. Thrusters.
Twenty-five gees to the winner.
You’ll remember, yesterday, how fifty-year-old Slater, who
finished third at the Outerknown Tahiti Pro in ten-foot waves last
week and who is the current world number fifteen, made short work
of the Momentum Gen, including one-time arch-rival Rob Machado, in
the single fin div.
“It felt really good to beat Kelly,” said Dorian. “It’s pretty
obvious, but it’s really difficult to beat him. I’ve surfed against
him a ton of times in my life and he usually gets me, so every time
I can beat him, it’s a personal win for me.”
Dorian faced the supremely fit Ross Williams in the twin-fin
final in waves described as “tricky”.
“Conditions were really fun, but you had to be very selective,”
said Williams, riding a board designed by fellow competitor Rob
Machado. “I feel like riding a twin-fin presented even more of a
challenge out there – but, when you got a good wave and put it
together, it felt all the better because of just how difficult it
was.”
Tomoz, three-fins or “thrusters”.
Twin Fin Division Results:
Shane Dorian (USA) – 1st
Ross Williams (USA) – 2nd
Rob Machado (USA) – 3rd
Kelly Slater (USA) – 3rd
Taylor Knox (USA) – 5th
Hussain “Iboo” Areef (MDV) – 5th
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Who doesn't like a party?
World Surf League Head of Competition
admits surprise “most favorite event on WSL calendar” (Hint: it’s
not Pipeline, J-Bay or Teahupo’o)!
By Chas Smith
Lower Trestles?
As you know, 2022’s World Surf League Championship
Tour is drawing to a close. There is only one event
remaining, the make-believe Rip Curl WSL Finals, then we will have
to twiddle our thumbs, sad and lonesome. No Kanoa Igarashi to warm
our hearts. No Filipe Toledo to make us feel bold and brave by
comparison.
But which stop is your favorite? The one you circle on the
calendar and gleefully anticipate?
The Banzai Pipeline with its history and swagger?
South Africa’s J-Bay and that canvas?
Teahupo’o’s gasp-inducing caverns?
There is no wrong choice except Lower Trestles or Brazil and the
WSL’s brass should be proud of all save Trestles and Brazil, but in
a real surprise, the Senior Vice President of Tours, Head of
Competition Jessi Miley-Dyer just admitted her most cherished.
Ok so picture this, right, you were in Anglet last week and
you got to watch our night surfing event. So this is one of my most
favorite events that we have on the calendar. I mean look at it,
it’s a bit of a party, which everyone loves, and it’s surfers
competing at night with glow sticks. And you can see why I
would like it, it’s just pure neon but it’s fun, it’s something
different, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to do this?
It must be a great relief to all Challenger Series surfers who
recently lost their Quiksilver Pro France to know that it has been
fantastically replaced.
