“It appears to me to be a document that could have been written by a Taliban tribunal."

Remember that wild anti-abortion resolution set to go before the San Clemente council three weeks back? 

The world number one surfer Filipe Toledo, a Brazilian immigrant now living in San Clemente and who is a married Catholic with two children, became the unwitting face of the debate after featuring in the story, “Push to ban abortions in San Clemente faces headwinds even in conservative OC.” 

In the main and only image, Toledo, who is widely expected to win this year’s world surfing title despite performing poorly in Tahiti, is pictured crossing the railway tracks at Lowers with a pal. The caption reads, “Surfers cross the railroad tracks near San Clemente’s North Beach. San Clemente Councilman Steve Knoblock has proposed that the city become a ‘sanctuary for life.’”

To recap, it ain’t a secret that the pretty surf town of San Clemente, home to the cream of American surfing, including Kolohe Andino and Griffin Colapinto as well as “cool mom that will let everyone drink at the house as long as no one’s driving” Matt Biolos, leans to the right politically. 

And, ever since Roe v Wade got iced, giving states the right to allow, or more pointedly, disallow, abortions, San Clemente’s pro-lifers have come out swinging. 

Councilman, Stevie Knoblock wanted the Council to formally agree that it “considers life to begin at conception” and to push back against Planned Parenthood health centres or anywhere the unborn are killed. 

“There probably isn’t a family in America that hasn’t been impacted by abortion,” Knoblock told the LA Times.“The [resolution] will get people thinking about what society has been doing for 50 years.”

San Clemente’s mayor Gene Walsh, also red, said he was “appalled” by the resolution, “It appears to me to be a document that could have been written by a Taliban tribunal, and I’ll say that as a conservative, pro-life Republican.”

Anyway, the whole thing stunk to hell and back and council voted three to one to withdraw the proposal from the agenda of an upcoming meeting.

Not that it mattered one way or the other.

The resolution, even if had passed, was symbolic. There ain’t an abortion clinic or hozzy knocking off bebes anywhere in town. 

“The fact is, California is a state where abortion is legal and there’s nothing the San Clemente City Council can do about that regardless of whether we are pro-life or pro-choice,” said Walsh.

“It’s pretty obvious, but it’s really difficult to beat him. I’ve surfed against him a ton of times in my life and he usually gets me every time."

The aged surf community, that dreadful over-fifties male with his elongated ball sack and sad little cock and belief that surfing can be “regulated”, is in shock this morning following the defeat of their icon Kelly Slater in the second round of the invitation-only Four Seasons Maldives Surfing Champions Trophy.

The contest runs over three days. Single fins. Twins. Thrusters. Twenty-five gees to the winner.

You’ll remember, yesterday, how fifty-year-old Slater, who finished third at the Outerknown Tahiti Pro in ten-foot waves last week and who is the current world number fifteen, made short work of the Momentum Gen, including one-time arch-rival Rob Machado, in the single fin div.

Today, however, was all Shane Dorian, a former world number four, who was “one of the few surfers of his generation not to pattern his style after three-time world champion Tom Curren, developing instead his own curious-but-pleasing form, marked by a raised chin, down-turned wrists and hands, and splayed fingers.”

“It felt really good to beat Kelly,” said Dorian. “It’s pretty obvious, but it’s really difficult to beat him. I’ve surfed against him a ton of times in my life and he usually gets me, so every time I can beat him, it’s a personal win for me.”

Dorian faced the supremely fit Ross Williams in the twin-fin final in waves described as “tricky”.

“Conditions were really fun, but you had to be very selective,” said Williams, riding a board designed by fellow competitor Rob Machado. “I feel like riding a twin-fin presented even more of a challenge out there – but, when you got a good wave and put it together, it felt all the better because of just how difficult it was.”

Tomoz, three-fins or “thrusters”.

Twin Fin Division Results:

Shane Dorian (USA) – 1st
Ross Williams (USA) – 2nd
Rob Machado (USA) – 3rd
Kelly Slater (USA) – 3rd
Taylor Knox (USA) – 5th
Hussain “Iboo” Areef (MDV) – 5th