Do better, please.

The VAL, or vulnerable adult learner, invasion is well and truly upon us, a proper war between the aforementioned and grouchy locals who began their surfing experience somewhere between 1970 and 2000. Lineups cluttered with soft top. Going left on rights, or vice versa, a proper new “move.”

Oh we are out there, you and I, fighting the good fight and maybe, sometimes, imagining that we are winning this grand conflict. I, personally, have yelled at least three Covid babies near tears over the last three months, others, braver, have picked up rocks and bashed away but, alas, it appears as if it is not enough.

For a new just-released study published by Roxy Davis, a qualified surf coach and registered psychological counselor currently completing a PhD in surf therapy, the battlefield is “cultivating self-esteem” amongst beginners.

Per healthline.com:

Never thought you’d be able to stand up on a surfboard and ride a wave? Trying activities you once considered “impossible” may help you:

cultivate self-esteem

trust yourself more easily

feel more confident in your own abilities

Davis says she’s noticed, over the past 2 decades, that learning to surf seems to foster self-esteem among her participants.

“Say you’re a child who’s come from a school where, maybe, you’re not the top of anything in academics or sport, and your coach says to you that your goal is to stand up. When you stand up and ride the wave, you feel like, ‘Wow, if I can do that, I can do anything,’” she says.

A small 2021 studyTrusted Source with nine Australian teenagers found that an 8-week surf therapy program seemed to improve their self-esteem and resilience.

Shit.

Do better, please.

"The first thing he did was take my shirt out of my pants and start tickling my stomach.”

The odd pairing of the iconic comedian Bill Murray and his wonderful friend, surf great Kelly Slater, is one of the more endearing. Murray doesn’t seem like a surfer, though was there at the founding of the legendary G-Land camp. Slater doesn’t seem funny, though provides more honest laughs than most.

The two golf together, smile together, look fantastic together. The only cloud floating across their shared sky, a recent spate of re-surfaced complaints against Murray.

Days ago we learned that Seth Green, an actor from yesteryear, had accused the Saturday Night Live alum of dropping him into a trashcan for failing to get off the couch. Whilst it seemed very much deserved, to me, mainstream opinion seemed to go very much against Murray.

And now we have an old Arsenio Hall interview come back to life wherein Murray does unwanted touching to co-star Geena Davis.

Per Variety:

Geena Davis’ uncomfortable experiences with Bill Murray extended beyond the set of their 1990 crime comedy “Quick Change.” Davis has already spoken about her “bad” audition for the film, which allegedly included Murray trying to use a massage device on her, but in a new interview with i magazine she addressed a press tour interview the two did in which Murray took down her dress strap and repeatedly touched her arm. The actors were on “The Arsenio Hall Show” to promote “Quick Change.”

“Oh, you saw?” Davis asked the reporter who brought up the Arsenio Hall interview, which is still available to view online. “Isn’t it stunning? It’s awful.”

During the interview, Murray touched Davis’ arm as Davis told Hall, “I did have to audition. It was a lot like this in fact.”

“He touched you a lot in the audition?” Hall asked Davis.

“Yeah, I swear,” Davis responded. “The first thing he did was take my shirt out of my pants and start tickling my stomach.”

Davis told this story to Hall with a light attitude and a smile on her face, but reflecting back on it she now said, “I forgot that. Telling it that way, just as a humorous anecdote, I must have thought, ‘Well, it’s ultimately funny, or makes a good story,’ when in fact it was so devastating.”

Not a very flattering portrait under the lens of modern times but, also, not even flattering under the lens of Arsenio Hall heydays.

Murray has yet to respond but do you think the Life Aquatic star will be able to come out, career unscathed thanks to the support of his friend Kelly Slater or do you think Slater will jump ship, as it were?

You can read, and watch, a beautiful exchange between the two here.

Tough days.

Scary days.

As you have certainly read by now, pop sensationalist Cardi B has officially won the lawsuit brought against her by RVCA’s surf team manager Mike Brophy. At issue was an image of Brophy’s tattooed back placed in a compromising position on Cardi B’s album cover. Brophy was seeking $5 million for damages to reputation etc. but a judge ruled against him.

Taking a victory lap, Cardi B lined up her sights and let Madonna have it next.

In a post celebrating her book S.E.X., Madonna penned, “I spent the next few years being interviewed by narrow minded people who tried to shame me for empowering myself as a woman. Now Cardi B can sing about her WAP, Kim Kardashian can grace the cover of any magazine with her naked ass, and Miley Cyrus can come in like a wrecking ball. You’re welcome bitches…(clown emoji).”

Cardi B, not happy, responded, “I literally payed this woman homage so many times cause I grew up listening to her…she can make her point without putting clown emojis and getting slick out the mouth…These icons really become disappointments once u make it in the industry that’s why I keep to myself.”

And later doubled down, replying on Twitter, “EXACTLY SAY WAT YOU WANT TO SAY BUT DONT INSULT ME THE FUCK …nobody gonna lil girl me (specially a white woman).”

While music fans went back and forth about who was right and who was wrong, surfers began quietly trembling. Madonna is, of course, famous for her S.E.X. book but most famous for dating the most beloved of World Surf League commentators, one Kaipo Guerrero.

The handsome Guerrero can be seen, and heard, during virtually all of the WSL’s Championship Tour broadcasting season and brings warmth, charm, grace and knowledge to our favorite pastime.

A legend.

The aforementioned and Madonna dated in 1985 which clearly aggravated Cardi B. If she is able to take The Material Girl out, as proxy, after smashing Brophy, who might be next?

Matt Biolos?

Jonah Hill?

Pip Toledo?

Jessi Miley-Dyer?

Scary days.