Unchill.

For those who have never been, the state of California is an incredibly vast, exceedingly diverse slice of land. San Diego, down south, feels a different world from Los Angeles which, in turn, feels a different world from San Francisco. Surfing cultures in Orange County, host of the World Surf League’s famed Finals Day, Santa Cruz, Lemoore, etc. are as different from each other as they are from surfing cultures in, say, Brittany, France.

One of the lesser publicized would have to be those who brave the cold waters up north in Humboldt county. The region is very famous for its marijuana growing, more so than wave quality, but the sparse population makes it appealing for those who enjoy paddling alone. Though, the intrepid may think twice after a weekend shark hit critically injured a lonely surfer.

According to local news:

A shark bit a surfer and seriously injured the 31-year-old male about 3:30 p.m. Sunday at Centerville Beach, according to the Ferndale Volunteer Fire Department and emergency personnel speaking over the scanner.
The FVFD post stated, “The patient was transported by City Ambulance to a hospital.”

Emergency personnel speaking over the scanner said that the surfer had “Code 3 trauma” with a hemorrhage in the upper thigh that was being controlled with a trauma tourniquet.

The VFD post pointed out, “To [the] recollection of our membership, we have not had an incident like this. This is a reminder that there are many hazards to be aware of when you are at the beach…Please be safe.”

Wishing complete recovery to the surfer but don’t you think the volunteer fire department’s “reminder” is a touch harsh?

Fairly unchill?

Surprisingly so for Humboldt.

I suppose you can never judge a volunteer fire department by its cover.

Will you fight?

There is rough and then there is rough and then there is the treatment of sitting longboard champion Joel Tudor by the World Surf League. Oh the pain, the indignity, the sheer ouch ouch of being crowned professional surfing’s oldest number one then not being able to defend title by becoming, once again, professional surfing’s oldest number one.

For as the influential Log Rap has just announced:

Well it’s confirmed, @joeljitsu is suspended from WSL competition until the end of 2022, meaning he won’t be at Malibu this year to defend his world title. Full interview with new Senior Tour Manager @kirraseale on the future of the WSL Longboard Tour.

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The Britannica Encyclopedia adds:

On August 23, 1305, Wallace was conveyed to Westminster Hall, where he was indicted and condemned to death. There was no trial because he was declared a traitor to the king; Wallace emphatically denied this charge, as he had never sworn allegiance to Edward. That same day he was hanged, disemboweled, and finally beheaded and quartered at Smithfield. His head was set on London Bridge and his limbs exposed at Newcastle, Berwick, Stirling, and Perth.

The last flex of such draconian nastiness.

Tudor, you will remember, was “indefinitely suspended” after challenging the World Surf League over its performative equality.

Will you fight?

Every man dies but not every man truly lives etc.

Oh what might have been.

Oh what might have been. As folk everywhere have come to know, the World Surf League is on an unprecedented tear in sport. Numbers through the roof. To the moon. Professional surfing, at its highest level, more popular than the National Basketball Association, European soccer, American football too.

An unprecedented run though, notably missing, any celebrity endorsement. Certainly beloved actor Jonah Hill, race car rebel Lewis Hamilton and other heavy names have fallen in love with our favorite pastime, at a participation level, but not one name bigger than Chris Cote there taking in the action, live and in person, on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone for the historic spike.

Cote certainly wonderful and important, historically, but no Mark Zuckerberg.

Facebook’s founder and CEO, rich, universally known, dabbled in our obsession in recent years becoming a big wave surfer, palling around with BFF Kai Lenny but then blush off rose as he declared his number one passion is choking and rolling and mixing his martial arts.

America’s 11th richest person, though, just transitioned his love of violence into actual fandom. Early reports suggested that he so enjoys sweaty men bloodying each other that he rented out the entire Ultimate Fighting Championships 211 “fight night” thereby barring media from covering.

CEO Dana White denied the charge, calling it lies, but media was not allowed to attend and Zuckerberg was there, hollering, front row, posing with the aforementioned White, otherwise feted.

But what do you imagine Zuckerberg’s skincare regiment is? How does he maintain such shine? Youthful Cesar cut?

More importantly, how sad is World Surf League CEO Erik Logan that he is not called “The Boss” and also has no famous affirmation?

Openly weeping, I’d imagine.

Jack Dorsey, are you there? It’s me, ELo.

Etc.

"I am a good catch!"

The eyes of the world, today, are focused on the South American country of Brazil where citizens are currently heading to the voting booths for a “historic” election pitting sitting president Jair Bolsonaro against one-time president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva. According to most polls Lula, who sits on the left-ish of the political spectrum, has a comfortable lead though Bolsonaro, hard-esque right, is claiming that if he loses the final tabulations it will be because of fraud.

Brazil, as students of history know, was a military dictatorship from the mid 1960s to the mid 1980s and pundits fear that if Bolsonaro falls short, he may either push on the levers of power to remain in office or stoke violent protests on the streets, shoving the country into chaos.

Much worry and hand wringing except not for three time surfing champion Gabriel Medina. The national hero, who once participated in a wonderful three-way with the aforementioned Bolsonaro and very close friend Neymar Jr., took to Instagram not hours ago with this scintillating message.

The rough English translation being, “Taking advantage of the fact that everyone is talking about politics, I would like to say that I am a good catch.”

But who could forget that Medina’s marriage to model Yasmin Brunet ended abruptly this past January. The family, which had been strained, blew nuclear in the aftermath as salacious details, accusations, counter-accusations poured into the regional press.

Well, things calmed down, as things do, and, I think, Medina’s sentiment is as accurate as any. He is still young, handsome, wealthy and talented. Any gal bringing him home to meet the parents, as it were, would be met with instant approval.

The very picture of success.

Left or right, junta or democracy, everything comes up Medina.