Bah humbug.
Cocoa Beach, there on Florida’s space coast, is known for two things: Kelly Slater and its Surfing Santas. The former, a multi-time world surfing champion who brings joy to middle-aged men by defying the odds of aging and continuing to remain vaguely relevant, and the latter, flooding the sea around Christmas time in traditional Santa garb and showcasing the inviting warmth of the region.
Rubbing the noses of those shivering in icy Wisconsin or chilly upstate New York in their whimsical warm water play.
Except.
This year Scrooge himself is dropping an arctic bomb on the proceedings, mocking the very idea of temperate.
Weather forecasters are predicting temperatures to be in the upper 20s (-3.8C) on Christmas Eve with freezing cold winds buffeting the whole business.
Brendan Schaper, a meteorologist at the NWS Melbourne station, declared, “It’s going to be pretty chilly. Gusts could reach up to 25 mph. Definitely going to be a cold one. It’ll be pretty memorable, I think.”
Pretty memorable as Surfing Santas die, en masse, due hypothermia. Falling asleep on the sand while children try to revive without success.
While the event usually draws thousands, Surfing Santa founder George Trosset said, “We’ll be lucky to get 300 surfers. Obviously, you’ll need to wear a wetsuit if you’re going in the water. It’s that cold air that’ll get you. I’ve talked to a couple of people who said they’ll be wearing booties and gloves with their wetsuitsOne person even said they’re going to wear a wetsuit hood – you never see those in Florida. But it’d be a good idea to keep your ears warm.”
Dead.
They will all be dead.
Bah humbug.
RIP.