Fanning (left) and Slater. Stars on the rise. Photo: WSL
Fanning (left) and Slater. Stars on the rise. Photo: WSL

Kelly Slater, Mick Fanning to star as alter-egos of futuristic selves in off-beat adult comedy titled “The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe!”

Thor's brother too!

I bet that was not news you were expecting to lead your surf-centric morning. Bet, heavily, that the names Kelly Slater and Mick Fanning were not bouncing around in your noggin attached to phrases like “alter-egos of futuristic selves,” “off-beat adult comedy,” or “The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe” but that’s what’s great about waking up or, in the parlance of football, “why we play the game.”

Per film industry source Deadline:

Australia-based Bronte Pictures has signed a sales deal with Archstone Entertainment for three new projects, which will be launched at this week’s EFM in Berlin.

The Greatest Surf Movie In The Universe is set to star Luke Hemsworth (Westworld), eleven-time world surfing champion Kelly Slater (Baywatch) and three-time world champion surfer and shark attack survivor Mick Fanning as their futuristic alter-egos. The off-beat adult comedy will include stop motion animation characters.

I told you.

“Stop motion animation characters” too.

And this may answer percolating questions about Slater’s future. The 11x world champion is currently sitting equal 17th, heading to a wave he actively dislikes before a finicky Portugal, fat Bells then Margaret River and the mid-season cut. Will he make it? After his lousy Pipe performance, things are not looking good and I was wondering what was next.

A return to acting (Baywatch) makes all the sense in the world.

But do you think Mick Fanning like’s “shark attack survivor” as his handle?

Breaking: Kelly Slater hits pharmaceutical giant with bombshell allegation and reveals own mother’s shock reaction to COVID vaccine, “My friend’s mother is in hospital in Florida right now and she’s dying slowly from the effects of the Pfizer vaccine!”

"My mom lost feeling in her jaw and tongue and in her hands and feet."

A few days back, the Australian press went after Kelly Slater after he teed off on COVID vaccines despite recent revelations the vaccines may not have been the miracles they were promised, heart attacks now as common as catching a cold, athletes collapsing mid-game and so on. 

Now, and in the same interview referenced by the Aussie press where he was labeled a “cooker” or conspiracy theorist, Slater has detailed his mother’s shock reaction to the vaccine and says a pal’s mom is slowly being killed by the Pfizer vax.


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“A number of people I know died,” the just-turned fifty one year old said. “I know a doctor who stopped administering it in Australia because two or three of his patients died on the Sunshine Coast. My mom was personally affected. She lost feeling in her jaw and tongue and in her hands and feet. She has what seems to be some type of transverse myelitis (a neurological condition caused by an inflamed spine).

“My friend’s mother from Barbados is in hospital right now in Florida and she’s dying slowly from the affects of the Pfizer vaccine. She’s on a quick dark, downward spiral and they don’t know how to fix it.”

Slater says he now fears the libertine west is on a sharp slide into a dark authoritarian place.

“It’s baffling to me that anyone would be forced to have a vaccine to keep their career, their job, their schooling, their place in society, their ability to go buy food in the store, all these things… it’s like a dystopian society to me. And I don’t think people realise that because it comes on in small waves and get you condition ed to being okay with this and then this and then this and then this rule.”

Not that he’s gonna ban the vax or tell you what to do with your own body.

“Man, it’s wild, but if you want the vaccine go get it. That’s fine. I’d rather you not because if something did happen, you can’t really reverse it, but force it onto me or my loved ones and don’t make me out to be a bad person because of it. ‘Cause if it works then you’re fine and you shouldn’t worry about me.” 

Two things I want to take out of this.

One, if it ain’t true and Pfizer can prove it, it won’t take much for their squad of lawyers to orchestrate his ruin via the sledgehammer of a defamation trial. What’s Slater worth? Thirty mill?

If they don’t touch it, what’s that mean?

Pfizer is a champion of free speech or they ain’t so confident about their miracle juice?

I don’t have skin in the game, neither pro or anti-vax, and only got the jabs so I could go outside, travel, hit the gym etc, but, man, every little murmur in the chest, every tingle in the arms, well, it feels like your weathered old pal is nearing the end of the line.

Remember me when I’m gone.

I pray Slater is wrong.

Rage boils over in Australian surf town Byron Bay as pro surfer reveals long road to recovery following collision with adult learner’s leashless longboard, “Byron Bay is a glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare!”

"The girl says her legrope broke but CLEARLY there is a massive issue in our town with people not wearing them."

The ongoing battle between VALS living the retro-nostalgia dream of riding leashless logs in crowded lineups and regular joes wanting to swish around on a few waves without being decapitated continues following the near-death of pro surfer Matt Cassidy at Wategos a few days back.

Cassidy, who is forty-nine, in his own words, “nearly bled out on the beach and nearly lost my arm when someone dropped in one me out two-foot Wategos without a legrope. After an hour on the beach being held together by some absolutely legendary humans I was rushed via ambulance then helicopter to GC where I’m currently awaiting specialist advice.”

In a post yesterday, Cassidy gave an update on his condition, thrilled, obviously, surgeons weren’t forced to amputate his arm thanks to quick-thinking spectators using a legrope for a tourniquet.

“I am at home now and they’ve managed to save the arm. We aren’t sure of the extent of the injury long term but I’ll attack rehab the same way I do everything else. • With everything I’ve got. It’s an emotional time and I just want to take a second to address the girl involved in this horrible accident.
I hold you no bad will, I saw your face on the beach and I have no doubt you have learned a lesson. You have my total forgiveness and compassion as long as you practice safe surf etiquette for the rest of your surfing life.

I’d ask the community to do the same in regards to her but let’s continue the surf safety conversation this accident has started. We clearly need better education and management in the surf.

If three things can come out of this I’d wish they be these:

1. I get full use of my arm back so I can surf again.

2. That people look on the inside twice before even paddling for a wave. Kids look both ways before they even step onto a road to cross it, the surf should be no different.

3. As I’ve stated, I’ll accept that the girl says her legrope broke but CLEARLY there is a massive issue in our town with people not wearing them. Read the comments around my injury posts, there’s been a litany of injuries to children, wives, mothers, husbands, partners from people losing their boards because they are too egotistical to wear a safety device. Please let’s get this mandated and back it up with strong education.”


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Question: is it ever acceptable in these busy days to surf leashless and, further, what do you think goes through the mind of anyone taking a log to a crowded lineup sans leash?

Disappointment as lavish surf retreat of Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ surfer-bass-player “Flea”, built amid secluded sand dunes on remote Australian coastline, sells for half-a-million dollars less than price guide!

"You will love spending your time just relaxing in a spot that is virtually unknown except to the very very lucky few."

The bass-player-cum-clown of funk-rock act The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, a first-class band with a savage vitality that was formed in Los Angeles in 1982 and has shifted 120 million records over thirty years, has sold his beachfront compound on NSW’s far south coast, a joint designed for the express purpose of Keeping the Master Happy At His Work; or, more bluntly, indulging the small child that lurks within every creative man.

The Australian-born Flea, lesser known as sixty-year-old Michael Balzary from Melbourne, bought the half-acre beachfront spread at 775 Congo Road, Congo, five hours drive south of Sydney and halfway to the Victorian border, almost thirty years ago in 1994.

Flea and New Zealand architect Malcolm Cheadle designed the five-bedder with the roof designed to look like a cuttlefish and with wooden floors sourced from the old Parliament House in near-ish by Canberra.

“It has a rock-star vibe to it but also a relaxed holiday feeling that is really suited to the village of Congo,” selling agent James Hamilton said.“Flea has written a lot of music at the property and has had band members, jamming in what was the music room downstairs. It has a contemporary Californian design that sprawls out towards the ocean with amazing views and really compliments the natural environment.”

(Ed’s note: A subsequent email from the architect’s daughter Paloma said “an incredible team of craftsmen came together to build that house. That stunning copper staircase was made by a Calabrian blacksmith from Sydney Francesco Petrolo.” Also RHCP-adjacent is Malcolm Cheadle’s relationship with the band’s frontman Anthony Keidis.  “Anthony seemed to have a very natural, energetic fit with New Zealand. They spent quite a bit of time searching for the perfect coastal site on the Coromandel peninsula, but Anthony ended up buying the property on the Kaipara that he wrote about in his autobiography.”)

Shoot hoops tween surfs.

If you’d peeled open the marketing brochure you’d learn the place was,

“Situated in Congo on 2946sqm (approx. half an acre) of land and bordering National Park on one side and beach on the other, you will love spending your time, just relaxing in a spot that is virtually unknown except to the very very lucky few. The custom-designed home opens to a magnificent entry with a bespoke spiral copper and steel staircase connecting two double-storey wings. Beautifully maintained, the property has undergone extensive updates over the past years. Its features include an open fireplace with stone detailing and a master retreat featuring a luxe ensuite with a mosaic-tiled plunge bath. Bi-fold doors open to an alfresco terrace with views across the property. There is also a multipurpose sports court.”

With a price guide of three-million Australian dollars, a sale figure somewhat north of that was expected despite Australia’s plunging property market.

However, you get what you get, and when you remove the rabid desperation of a housing bubble, which ended six months ago, buyers become remarkably subdued.

After a little to-ing and fro-ing, 775 Congo Road, sold for $2.475 million, Australian dollars, one point seven US.

A screaming bargain.


Violent debate rages after World Surf League unveils extremely controversial Hurley Pro Sunset Beach artwork!

"Woaahhh when do we know the line up for the festival? Only djs or we also have bands?"

The Hurley Pro Sunset Beach opens its window in exactly one day and seventeen minutes, at time of writing, and the outlook is not out-looking great. Surfline, the World Surf League’s official forecast partner, is predicting double overhead surf tomorrow which fades through midweek and gets chewed up by various winds and whatnots. Kai Lenny, as you certainly know, is one of the wildcards and birthday boy Kelly Slater will be up against his nemesis Miguel Pupo in heat seven.

And while the attention of surf fans should be clearly and cleanly locked into the other heat draws, it is being spent either defending or slandering the extremely controversial artwork rolled out in celebration of the event.

@tom_rix declared, “I like the design. MR get a wildcard?”

@egas_eymael stated, “are we going psychedelic? ok then” adding three discos dancers even though the design is neither psychedelic nor disco.

@_hvoide thought, “Should have had the design show howling winds blowing the lineup to bits.”

@odigitalsurf wondered, “Woaahhh when do we know the line up for the festival? Only djs or we also have bands?”

But where do you stand re. it?

Loving the retro or… not?