World Surf League delivers ultimate April Fools’ prank, officially releases Surf Ranch Pro tickets for sale to public!

By Chas Smith

2 years ago

Much mirth.

Tickets for Surf Ranch Pro presented by 805 Beer are now on sale! Watch the WSL Championship Tour while experiencing a festival atmosphere packed with live music, food and drink, exclusive shopping, and lake activities.

Along with the excitement of watching the world’s best surfers, you’ll have access to a variety of food trucks, live music performances, and on-site shopping to keep you entertained throughout the event. And when it’s time to rest and recharge, there are plenty of comfortable places to stay nearby. Don’t miss out on this incredible experience – grab your tickets now!

Whether you’re making the trip from Los Angeles, San Francisco, or beyond, find out the easiest way to get to Lemoore, California. Plan your trip today.

We offer a wide range of on-site accommodations from the amazing airstreams to luxe glamping tents to RV parking. If you choose to stay off-site there are plenty of options nearby.

Sip on some cold 805 beer inside the wave basin, grab a bite to eat at the food trucks, watch headline musical act Tropa Magica perform live.

There’s something for everyone!

(And there, ladies and germs, is funny.)

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Haz Hollmer-Cross, saved by his Daddy, big-wave shredder James, a man who ain't no stranger to existential wipeouts.

Teenager Harry Hollmer-Cross brought back to life by big-wave surfer Dad after horror wipeout at Tasmania’s notorious Shipstern Bluff, “They’ve crossed over…it’s your worst nightmare as a parent”

By Derek Rielly

2 years ago

Deaf in one ear, loss of motor skill functions, head trauma, ongoing chest issues.

A nineteen-year-old surfer is real lucky his old boy, the big-wave legend James Hollmer-Cross, was watching him shred from the channel at Shipstern Bluff last Sunday.

After Harry Hollmer-Cross wiped out and hit the bottom he was knocked unconscious and “rag dolled down the point under water though all the rocks.”

James found his kid face down and not breathing, dragged him onto the jetski, and took him to a nearby boat where he and a pal took turns hitting the kid with CPR until he drew breath.

An emergency chopper got Haz to Royal Hobart hospital.

“As soon as I got the breaths in, I knew straight away that his body was reacting to that,” James told ABC. “That’s the scariest thing, I think … basically you’re bringing them back, aren’t you? They’ve crossed over for a little bit there. It’s your worst nightmare, especially as a parent. I’m just thankful I was there.”

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A post shared by James Hollmer Cross (@james_hollmer_cross)

A crowd-funding account has been set up for Haz, who’s still in hospital with “head trauma and ear damage”. Looks like he’s gonna need a hearing aid in the left speaker and he’s gonna have ongoing chest issues.

“The concussion is looking at loss of motor skill functions and will also have muscle deterioration and away from work with out income and worst of all for him, no surfing, The road to recovery is going to be a slow process,” writes his pal Danny Griffiths, who set up the account. “The funds raised will go towards Harry’s rehabilitation, loss of income and medical costs and help get his life back on track. Lets get this young charger back in the ocean.”

His Dad ain’t a stranger to existential wipeouts.

In 2014, after a wipeout at Pedra Branca, a wild open-sea zombie sixteen miles south of Tassie, he said, “It’s the heaviest thing that has ever happened to me. I thought I was going to die. I thought I’d broken my back. I almost passed out, but I fought it, and then I came through. It was pretty euphoric.”

Donate here.

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Sydney Sweeney, as Cassie Howard in Euphoria, main photo, and brave and daring and honey coloured Kai Lenny, inset.

Daring Hawaiian big-wave surfer Kai Lenny immortalised alongside erotic TV temptress Sydney Sweeney and BIPOC stunt driver Dee Bryant in new “Built Ford Proud” campaign!

By Derek Rielly

2 years ago

“Big wave surfing is like stepping into a ring with a monster,” says Lenny

The surfing phenomenon Kai Lenny, a daring multi-discipline surfer who has carved an oasis in the surfing world with guts and with blood, has been immortalised alongside the inspirational BIPOC stunt driver Dee Bryant and Euphoria star Sydney Sweeney in a new advertising campaign for Ford.

Lenny is a twenty-nine-year-old married daddy with twin baby girls and is a long-time fan of the American icon, using their antiquated gas powered trucks to cart around his flotilla of jet skis and his myriad accessories, including paddle boards and kite surfing paraphernalia.

“Big wave surfing is like stepping into a ring with a monster,” says Lenny, although if there’s even one squirt of testosterone left in your body, you’ll be here for the cameo of Ms Sweeney.

Her character in Euphoria, Cassie Howard, is a people pleaser, as they say, who “doesn’t know how to communicate without showing her body”.

Sweeney, whose “bosoms speak of butter, milk, carnal abundance and the firepower of hard-prowed gunboats”, wishes to enjoy the same erotic privileges as her male counterparts but is foiled by the usual male double-standards, the old he-stud/she-slut thing, and her inability to accept man’s sad and and maddening submission to the phallus, an organ that requires regular strangulation or at least a brisk tug, daily.

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Hamilton (pictured) facing fear. Photo: Instagram

Race darling Lewis Hamilton terrorized by shark during surf at “new favorite place” Byron Bay ahead of Australian Grand Prix!

By Chas Smith

2 years ago

"Australians are really kind of crazy, huh?"

Oh what happy times for Australia’s sporting fans. In three days’ time, the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach will bring with it the world’s greatest surfers including, but not limited to, Kelly Slater. Exciting times and even moreover considering that Formula 1’s third stop will act as a delectable appetizer.

Yes, the gentlemen, including, but not limited to, Lewis Hamilton will start their engines tomorrow morning, very near Bells Beach in Melbourne and zoom hither and thither.

Beyond exciting.

Hamilton, a noted surfer, has been enjoying the early autumn weather with a fencing pal but also becoming terrorized by a rude shark.

He happened to be in Byron Bay, a place he appears to have just discovered and fallen deeply in love with when he decided to go surfing. Well, a shark circled him the whole time, he said, though he didn’t paddle straight straight back to the beach with shows much improvement in spine.

In 2019, you see, Hamilton refused to paddle out at Port Phillip Bay due shark fear even though his great friend Kelly Slater was in the water.

“I wanted to do it here but I couldn’t find a netted area to go to. I just can’t go where there are sharks, man,” he told the international press. “Every Australian I meet they’re like ‘nah, nah, you’ll be alright. If a shark comes up to you, punch it in the face.’ Australians are really kind of crazy, huh?”

They sure are.

Back to Byron, though. Do you think there is room in that quaint little town if Hamilton decides to purchase a little plot and settle down?

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Curen in 86, Occ nude in the early eighties and Naughty Pauls Menczer around the time of her glorious world title win in 1993.

Famously woke World Surf League accused of ignoring female-identifying surf legends at upcoming Bells Beach Kathmandu Pro! “Who is in the women’s heritage heat? Surely there is one, too…”

By Derek Rielly

2 years ago

With much needed cameo from surfing' first transsexual competitor, the wildly inspirational Sasha Jane Lowerson…

Surf fans are in for a terrific sight this Easter at the Bells Beach Kathmandu Pro, which peels back its curtain on Tuesday, April 4, and runs into April 14 although, traditionally, organisers try to wrap up the show on the day of Jesus’ resurrection, which occurs this year on April 9.

For at some point during those ten days, three-time world champion Tom Curren, hero to Kelly Slater and star of the wildly underrated film Free Scrubber, will surf a heat against his old foe Mark Occhilupo, a father of nine who famously told the world in 1984, “I want to get real and stop these American wankers.”

The heat is a reprise of their 1986 semi-final still lazily described as the best man-on-man heat ever. (That honour was bestowed upon Kelly Slater and John John Florence in 2014 for that year’s semi at Teahupoo.)

Real hard to find any sorta footage of the ’86 heat, only this confusing pastiche.

It ain’t the first time Occ and Curren have done the ol’ vaudeville routine for fans at Bells.

In 2019, a skimboard-riding Curren was smashed by Occ, a revenge of sorts for their 2014 heritage heat at J-Bay, won by Curren after scoring a ten, and also that distant semi, also won by Curren.

Both men are near sixty although age seems to weary neither.

Anyway, some surf fans are a little sad there ain’t a gal’s heritage heat, which is fair enough I suppose given the current mania for equity etc, one posting, “Who is in the women’s heritage heat? Surely, there is one too…”