Does the 11x World Champion hate trees?
The Surf Ranch Pro is now officially in the rearview mirror and who could have imagined the brouhaha left in its mechanical wake? Death threats for likable blondes? A devastating critique from the most popular surfer on tour? Headed in to an autocratic enclave accused of jailing lesbian women?
The whole business all feels very shaky, no? Tenuous. Like, the World Surf League could actually fold and if it does, I think the straw that broke the billionaire’s back will be CEO Erik “David Brent” Logan wearing the skin of his champion Filipe Toledo.
Well, at least Kelly Slater has released an eco-friendly sandal made from algae.
Recall the press release from two weeks ago?
For the design of the sandal, Kelly was particularly moved by the mysterious and special relationship between the moon and sea turtle. Turtles have 13 large scales that represent the 13 lunar cycles in each year and 28 smaller scales that represent the days in each cycle. As a tribute to these coexisting forces, Kelly designed the top of the sandal to mirror the moon’s surface while the bottom sole represents the turtle’s scales. Additional styles and sizing are set to release later this year.
Very cool.
The store swung its doors wide days later and environmentalists hurriedly purchased, sitting by their stoops and waiting and waiting and waiting for the mail person to deliver them.
Days feeling like weeks. Hours like days.
And when they finally arrived shrieks of horror filled the air.
Desperate sobs.
For even though the sandals were, indeed, made from algae and also from recycled materials, they arrived wrapped in so much packaging, so so so much packaging, as to horrify even the most earth hating.
Why?
For what reason?
Are eco-friendly sandals extremely delicate and in need of extremely careful cushioning?
Like faberge eggs?
Does Kelly Slater hate trees?
It is not the first time the 11x World Champion has been accused of stuffing landfills with cheer. His other sustainable brand Outerknown enjoyed junk mailing un-asked for catalogues printed on heavy card stock ahead of Christmas. After public complaint following the expose on BeachGrit, the un-asked for catalogues were junk mailed with a stamp on the back reading that the ink was sustainable.
Will the KLLY box and paper wadding appear with similar messaging?
Here’s to hoping.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
Not to mention how many eco friendly boards he has had in his lifetime
customer survey…at the material recycling facilities…20 in Cali…Calif EPA Audit…report due…not late!
https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….
Waterworld to Yellowstone…another crazy non-surfing, non-drinking VTA high school drop-out…Danced With Dane! Kevin is a geek! Keanu too. here’s a recipe for sustainable burritos…
https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….
took my advice…visit ur local landfill/material recovery & recycling sites…not safe for work…paper masks required…
13 moon cycles but only 11 world titles
don’t give him fuckin ideas.
kelly is a douche…
“Kelly was particularly moved by the mysterious and special relationship between the moon and sea turtle. Turtles have 13 large scales that represent the 13 lunar cycles in each year and 28 smaller scales that represent the days in each cycle.”
That’s the most interesting thing I’ve ever read on Beachgrit.
edited to add: Turtles have a more logical calendar than we do, that’s redonkulous.
Stop it
They bringing out a Rosy model?
Cause nothing makes me toey’er than a Klly Sandal than Mrs Hodge
Can the algae be eaten?
These thongs/sandals maybe cross a few areas – excess stock can be used as food source!!
WSL can partner and claim more philanthropic awards as are feeding starving nations, or use the algae to replenish oceans that they already (maybe) taken algae from
So many wins
It’s actually a papier-mache kit. Perfect for making fake casts for fake foot injuries.
Chas that paper is recycled wrapper from his North Shore burrito.
mike chase says we’re down to stacking tortillas/I like mike.
But are they comfy? And do they not make that annoying squeaky sound when wet?
What’s da point in wearing slippahs if no make squeak wen wet?
NONE!
So Chaz, hmm you seem high up on ke11y’s mailing list no? Were you a purps premium customer or something? Or is this some twisted subversive “i hate you so much i think i love you” advertorial?
Well now that you mention, Derek sent me a whole case of Purps to taste test, or something, when BG launched all those years ago. He purchased at full retail so maybe top of list!
That might have been their only sale
Ooh a guinea pig for the goat soda! Let me guess, wedge of lime and a dash of vodka to make it tolerable.
Did you end up reviewing? Please dig out, for educational purposes.
yahoo! dark milk….
Hw mny trss ds t tk t pckg ths slpprs?
– sw wht y dd thr!
No one is going to care about these sandals until they’re sent to a trans instagram influencer to promote.
Rumor is Ke11y’s next design is inspired by a dead horse beaten to death, and it will be called the “Charlie Don’t Surf” model.