Adorbs.
After finishing my second cappuccino of the morning whilst sitting outside Manhattan’s iconic Lincoln Center, you can imagine my shock when learning that surfers are no longer young, nubile, teenaged boys and girls but rather grizzled straight, white men, by and large. Derek Rielly pulling the wool from our eyes, sharing the research from Australia’s Dr. Sims, writing:
Craig Sims, who is a former South African pro surfer turned magazine publisher and university academic (he has a PHD in Media Studies from Bond), says the peak participation age for men is 45-to-49 (I added the bit about CIS and white in the headline…clickbait etc… you understand) and 35-to-44 for gals.
“This clear and present aging trend forces us to accept an important and far-reaching statement: Surfing is no longer a youth sport inextricably tied to youth culture. Failing to accept this statement will result in surf brands missing out on forging a meaningful connection with a significant and growing segment of their market.”
Oh. I guess I added “straight white male” for the same reason, but that is mostly what I see around my home San Diego breaks. But have these elderly gents, public enemy number one, received a bum rap? For the New York Post is reporting that an abandoned baby seal is turning to them for motherly love.
A seal pup paid a surprise visit to a number of surfers at a California beach over the weekend as it jumped from board to board and floated on the waves with them.
The baby seal made its appearance in the waters off Tourmaline Beach just North of San Diego on Saturday to the delight of the surfers there.
Drone footage captured the pup clambering out of the water onto the ends of the surfers’ boards where it rested and sunned itself on its side.
The joy of the surfers was apparent on their shocked and smiling faces, but all appeared to keep their distance and give the seal its space.
Some of the bros called Sea World who came an investigated but concluded that the li’l fella was healthy and happy and doing ok on its own.
Calling Sea World on a baby seal seems extremely cruel, to be honest.
#LockHimUp
In any case, I think I’ve shared before, but was once working at a summer camp in Canada, manning the bottom of a zipline. It ran from a tree on a cliff into the sound and I stood at the bottom in a Zodiac, retrieving campers after splashdown. Once day, a baby seal all white fury and cute, hollered down to me from a rock wall. The tides were extreme and its mother had left it all alone and very high. I scaled up, grabbed it and jumped into the sea. The darling thing stuck around all day, swimming around my dinghy, hopping aboard, sleeping at my feet. I brought it back to the main camp at the end of the day and the director told me they couldn’t feed it and instructed to leave it in the water.
As I had nowhere to hide it, I took the baby to a nice send off spot and stayed until the sunset.
The next morning the sweet baby was dead.
I curse that camp director to this day.
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budget-friendly pet insurance packages in your area. Treat your
four-legged family members…why was I targeted? I didn’t do anything but comment. But my turtle…
Stop slinging straight like it’s a slur. It is the reality of surf culture. Get over it. Just f**king surf and quit banging on about who people are banging.
And fish in tanks.
My cockfighting carnales would thoroughly disagree. They treat their little prize fighters better than they treat their kids.
‘Adorbs.
After finishing my second cappuccino of the morning whilst sitting outside Manhattan’s iconic Lincoln Center…’
This is absolutely the funniest opening line of satirical prose I have ever read. It’s like if James Joyce was on the hammer while having sex with Jack Kerouac after they’d had ECT. Be proud.
Mexicans do so with frequency, and I think their pericos’ morning songs are glorious. Even the roosters are cool in my view. Methinks you’re sour on them because your silverback displays & occasional charges don’t ruffle their feathers in the least bit. They just flutter off to another tree.
Big production just to attend a fundraiser. Not sure he’s gonna survive until the next election
Kennedy?
They cant kill 3 of em surely.
11 World titles has that same effect.
100% myth. heidi klum touched a seal and that didn’t happen at all
something else did tho 🍆💦
I’m sick of all these white seals, coming over here by sea, taking all of our waves and stealing all of our women. They took our jobs! Dey took ‘er jerbs!! Durka der!!
That thing looks like the lining of my Flashbomb wettie,
Hey Ripcurl there’s next years gimmick – recycled dead seal lining
Here’s an example of a seal hat you could’ve made with the pelt
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
As a future gift for your wife and/or daughter…
Ever seen a seagull eat a squirrel whole?
Now you have
can’t watch. but did it spit out the nuts?
Looks like it saved them for the red-eye flight snack.
fight sewage~
Oh man I agree.
So how many birds do you have Chas?
😂
is that the seal that killed bin laden?
I went to college with that fella!
wait, you went to college with Bin Laden?
Everything makes sense now.
Uh oh Chas
It appears that you were the actual killer of the baby seal, by touching it and thereby ensuring its mother would abandon it.
Even though you may have done this accidentally, you still are to blame unfortunately and will forever be known as a baby seal killer.
P.S.
Did you keep the pelt ?
It would’ve made a nice hat for your wife and/or daughter to wear in the snow…
Seals not stupid. They went to Tourmaline for the stretch Limo longboards.
Lets just hope he now knows the same about the birds in nests in your yard. No touching and don’t bring them in to show the kids, results in abandonment and death.
Soo they’re actually born Seals? I thought they trained and bred them down in Coronado? Soo much question.
Chas, unfortunately your story reveals a complete disregard for and lack of understanding wildlife. This is one of those stories left untold and in the vault.
Mother was nowhere to be found and tide swing meant kiddo was dead either way. We enjoyed the time we had together while it lasted.
They fucking swim Charles!