Turns take the day!

The waves were not very good for the Surf City El Salvador Pro final’s day, no not very good at all, but the sun was shining and Chris Cote was speaking and our choosing is unchill when combined with our begging. The World Surf League gonna World Surf League, after all, and to expect more is to be a silly goose.

The day began, anyhow, with crackling tension cutting the Central American air. Namely, would there be riots if Griffin Colapinto, who hails from the United States, once again beat the best small wave surfer on the planet, Brazil’s Filipe Toledo, for the second time in as many years?

Before we get there, though, Caroline Marks defeated Tyler Wright in the women’s final and was very excited, splashing the water vigorously etc. Wright, who seemed to be on a runner at the end, floated to the flats and appeared to injure herself.

It was not mentioned by the booth for fear of saying something true.

Important advertisements cut off the start of the men’s final, spicy stress lingering. But you certainly recall the insurrection at Surf Ranch wherein Colapinto beat Gabriel Medina setting off a series of wild open letters that appears to have culminated with World Surf League CEO Erik Logan going into the witness protection program.

Strider informed the audience that Toledo gifted Colapinto inside position at the start of the heat and was challenging the Californian to beat him directly. “Above the lip surfing,” was to be the bar.

The world’s current number one did, indeed, paddle first and slid his board around then bonked his head. He was rewarded with a 4.00.

Toledo stayed on rail for his opening wave, slapping and tickling down the line. He was rewarded with a 5.17.

Peter Mel called it “Paced and cruisy.”

Corona beer celebration.

Colapinto went next, going down in the middle of the wave after a fine first two turns. 4.23 put him into a tentative lead. Under priority, he went again going to the sky but became unstuck and Kaipo Guerrero sounded nervous.

Tide talk.

Strider then speculated that Toledo was hurt after Colapinto caught yet another but, almost on demand, the King of Saquarema went to he air and knocked some turns. Mel continued to describe the possible injury as “cruising.”

The two went back and forth, back and forth until Colapinto caught the first proper wave of the day midway through the heat, carving and slashing, punting and pumping, and took the lead.

The judges seemed scared to offer scores.

Tyler Wright’s injury was revealed to be a bruise.

Toledo then caught a wave and made angry turns and made hyped faces at the end. Pete Mel went berserk. Kaipo called it excellent. It was a 9.00 ride and catapulted him into the lead. I will like to know what our JP Currie feels about that.

Back and forth they continued to go, Toledo staying on rail, Colapinto taunting the air gods.

He did not land and was thrust into the dreaded Combo-land.

And that was at. Riots in Rio averted.

Henry Kissinger back off call.

Complete wrap soon.

Tribes united?

There has been much polarization in the surf world, of late, and how sad. The World Surf League has pitted itself against its Brazilian fanbase. Australians and Americans, not wanting to side with the World Surf League but unable to help themselves from calling Brazilians “whingers,” opening up a new front. South Africans doing South African things. Europeans wondering who the next Great Jeremy Flores Hope will be.

Overall much tension.

But might all these factions be brought together as one, joining hands and remembering that the things that unite us are far greater than the things that divide us?

It would take a miracle and maybe, just maybe, we have it with the just-announced pregnancy of Australian prodigy Jack Robinson and his wife, the Brazilian surfer/model Julia Muniz.

“About to embark on the most amazing ride ever,” the current world number five shared on Instagram with a shot of an ultrasound.

Praise was universal and from all corners.

“Yeah congrats brother!!!!” Conner Coffin exclaimed.

“Uncle life engaged,” Griffin Colapinto added.

“Congrats jack boy,” Italo Ferreira said.

“Congrats brother (heart emoji) god bless your family,” Joao Chianca followed.

On and on it went, American or Australian sharing excitement. Brazilian and Brazilian sharing joy.

And could this child be the one to unite the tribes?

Heavy lies the crown but maybe. Just maybe.

The only bit of weirdness came from Surfline which declared, “Forecast: your grom is going to be a legend!”

Uncomfortable.

Death in the afternoon.

Every so often a surf story is so important, so culturally relevant, that it squeaks under our cloistered walls and reaches the outside world. Kelly Slater’s various new failing companies, Erik Logan’s vectors, Taj Burrow’s current real estate holdings are all of endless fascination, to us, but DJ Khaled’s near-death experience on an e-foil is what the greater population truly cares about.

Essential.

BeachGrit, dutiful and true, covered the event with usual aplomb, the author Chas Smith penning, “What is your favorite DJ Khaled song? It’s a trick question! Each are works of pure art and impossible to rank. It would be like asking Megan Fox or Brian Austin Green “Who is your favorite daughter?” Futile and, frankly, rude. So you can understand the abundance of thoughts and prayers that came pouring in from all corners, yesterday, when it was revealed that the plus-sized music man was injured whilst riding an e-foil in in Miami.”

Thorough.

Though the qualifier “plus-sized” seemed to greatly roil and DJ Khaled fans snuck into the secret garden and unleashed their ire.

Karma J Perez wrote, “Hope The Great Artist Dj Khalid is recovering okay , but what’s with the plus size comment . Why would you comment on his weight . Very tacky ! Especially in today’s world . He couldn’t just be a Great Artist we all love . It’s deplorable that this header was allowed to be printed. It’s 2023 commenting on a person’s size is so out of style in any decade . Get it together Beachgrit !”

Roldy added, “I don’t care that it’s a poorly written click bait article. I came here because you wrote ‘plus size’ in the title. Wtf does that have to do with anything about this story? Why does a person’s physical appearance here matter in the slightest? That alone told me you’re a trash writer. The alleged content you authored simply backs up my initial impression. I hope you have the day you deserve. Cheers.”

Kellie Lynn piled on, “You should pay someone to slap you so hard you’re put to sleep for hours for such click bait and goofy bragging arrogance.”

Elizabeth added, “What does him being ‘plus sizes’ have to do with anything? Come on, light a candle a for him, because he got hurt so badly be needs a massage? All around horrible article. You can do better, and if you really can’t, it’s time to look for a new profession.”

Renee Lee Stevens continued, “So, was this an article about your awesomeness? Or DJ Khaled’s injuries? Just curious, because I know nothing more about his injuries than I did when I read your title. Your skills as a writer leave a lot to be desired. Not trying to be nasty, but from now on when you mislead your readers with a title like that, then tell us he only needed a light massage, naturally expect backlash. Good grief.”

Chelelee added, “So, was this an article about your awesomeness? Or DJ Khaled’s injuries? Just curious, because I know nothing more about his injuries than I did when I read your title. Your skills as a writer leave a lot to be desired. Not trying to be nasty, but from now on when you mislead your readers with a title like that, then tell us he only needed a light massage, naturally expect backlash. Good grief.”

Your Mum concluded, “People like you shouldn’t be allowed to have freedom of speech. You’re an absolute embarrassment to journalism and honestly deserve nothing but bad luck throughout your entire life. What a waste of space at your job.”

A added, “You need to be FIRED! How dare you even bring up someone’s weight in an article that is completely irrelevant. Shame on you!!”

J C clarified, “Megan Fox doesn’t have a daughter…they have 3 sons.”

And on and on until Silvia Castillo wondered, “I wonder if people who write ‘click-bait’ articles like this really consider themselves journalist?!” Howie Beats weighed in with, “I bet they do. And I bet they’re the ones who walk around wearing a lanyard with their Twitter handle to let everyone know they’re ‘a real journalist.'” At which point the author implored everyone to keep it above the belt.

That’s when the pile on really began.

Jason slammed, “You deserve everything you get you sorry excuse for a writer. Go to college and educate yourself on journalism 101. Actually, you should start with 099.”

Jeremy Parks added, “Not harsh, you’re a clickbait writing douche. Also, don’t know why you felt the need to keep referring to him as the ‘plus-sized’ musical artist.”

David Bonnano inserted, “Get bent. You’re the one with zero class.”

And Smith was, thus, defeated.