Fists shaking skyward.
The surfers are in the water, as they say, down Saquarema way but where a joy should reign, a spirit of carnival, sadness is the only palpable emotion. Sadness and a Nietzschean nihilism that not reared its head since middle World War II. For the greatest athlete to ever live, one Kelly Slater, has shockingly not healed from an illness that must be spinal meningitis.
Two-ish days ago, the 11x world champion took to Instagram and informed his dear fanbase that “When my sickness started the other day. On day 5 of being sick now. Fevers, sinus, chills, headache, stomach flu, etc. Glad I made it home amidst the onslaught.”
He included cryptic data from an Oura ring to establish just how dire matters were.
Surf fans knew there was only one thing to do. Head to the pantry, unbox the best candlebox, select favorite, light and station by the windowsill, think healing thoughts.
Alas, those pleas did not work and Kelly Slater is not there forcing most, if not all, to abandon belief in a higher power altogether.
Dark days.
Sleuths have discovered that the icon has not, in fact, surfed in Brazil since 2015. Eight years of misfortune. Almost like a curse, if we still considered such magic.
David Lee Scales and I discussed Slater’s absence, anyhow, and also things I don’t accurately recall since I am part of surfing’s great greying. So are you. I recommend listening at the highest volume.
Enjoy.
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Kelly loves Brazil!
I don’t get why he stays on tour if he’s not going 100% for the Olympic spot, and that all hinges on this year’s results. I agree it’s not the right wave for him to compete at and get results, but there’s always a chance of the other guy spudding it up and he walks away with a 9th or something.
The real question is what is the real reason he won’t go to Brasil. Some loony making death threats, some skank presenting him with a kid (or grandkid), or an arrest warrant pending? No one gets sick 8 years in a row.
The difference is that Laird is more confident, more secure, more worldly and smarter than Kelly but equally full of himself. Those traits make it easier for him to hang out with the elites outside of surfing, and to be accepted by them.
and day 2!
Ke11y looking like Bill Murray in that mug shot…
Robert Kelly Slater is a dick, and deserves a good old-fashioned bop on the nose.
That made NonJohn laugh. He never laughs
and hair…hmm has the lack of hair allowed his cranium to become over cooked, so his looooooong COVID has been longered?
Poor Kelly forgot
To take off his Oura Ring
In Rogan’s sauna
Aloha Eddie.
What a pleasant surprise.
I hope you are well.
I moved to the mountains after being in Cardiff for 30 years, just couldn’t deal with all the kooks. Gerry had a point, you cannot overcome the fact that surfing has a limited capacity with the previously hard earned hard secrets being given away for free on Instagram in order to sell soft tops and popouts. .
If he had come clean and was up front about it years ago, sure. I’d even give him a tiny bit of respect – but he can’t now coz he accepted the wild card and because of his shitty jerking everyone around in the past.
So he resorts to make believe knowing that Elos a gutless bitch and is never going to do a damn thing to sanction him.
He needs to grow up and let the kids play by themselves. Its getting pathetic. Trying his fly away wheely airs and such.
no waves, no roar, no KY…no problem!
does the podcast actually address Nietzschean nihilism?? Trying to decide whether that topic would fit under barrel or nah, or kook and Curren. Can see all sides, yes / no and everything in between. Then again, am struggling to see the Sun Bum angle…
What a shit. I’m a Ke11y homer–had Black and White on VHS, fellow East Coaster, Chinese girlfriend, etc. But fucker was gifted the back half of the tour after shitting the bed the first half, when there were multiple more deserving surfers who should have gotten it, including the dude from Morocco who finally made the tour after years…and fuckface Rogan wannabee conspiracy theory can’t handle the truth and rides shit boards instead of CIs gives another finger to everyone and bails on a gifted spot to Brazil. Fucker should have retired after Pipe, gotten his annual wildcards to Jbay and Chopes and Pipe, and taken a job in the booth. Shove the candle up his ass is more like it.
yes … same conflicted emotions. A few months younger than him, grew up in FL an hour or so south of Cocoa, watched him ripping Sebastian Inlet in sundeks as a grom, etc etc. And now, everything you said.
actual footage of DHMF yelling at Kelly:
https://m.youtube.com/watch…
He started gaming it once he “hurt” his foot at JBay. That was the only thing that stopped him getting booted off the tour years ago. I mean good on him for winning pipe, that was fucking awesome but he is an insufferable egomaniac and riding the wrong boards.
Glad I made it home …. Etc
Who does he expect to believe that absolute shit ?
What an arsehole.
Northing?
low batteries…
Well on the bright side he found time to write a forward for Sam or Matt George’s new book
northing there new…
Kelly’s intro to Matt’s book is very good!
Kelly refused to do an intro for Tom Curren and MC’s RV book…….
Is it you, or Nick, that he doesn’t like?
What book?
I’m sure it is, but it might have been a classier move for Kelly to address his Brazilian fans and explain why he couldn’t travel there, rather than posting about George’s book and promoting his new sandals!
Who ghost wrote it?