Cocoa Beach erupts in bitter civil strife as mayor floats removing famous Kelly Slater statue calling it a “menace to society!”

“There’s not a line of people doing it, you know.”

It is written that a prophet has no honor in his own country and the unfortunate adage was, once again, proved true in Cocoa Beach, Florida. For the small town of 11,000, just east of Orlando has broken out in bitter partisan fighting over a statue honoring famous first son Robert Kelly Slater.

Per the Space Coast tourist board website:

Sculpted by Cocoa Beach artist Tasha Drazich and located at the north end of Downtown Cocoa Beach, where A1A splits, the Kelly Slater statue honors Florida’s Space Coast hometown hero. Kelly Slater grew up in Cocoa Beach and learned to surf all along the Space Coast. He has won eleven world titles and is a point of pride in the Space Coast community. Stop by and grab a selfie with the statue any time of the day or night.

Which is the problem. Too many are stopping by to grab that selfie with no safe crosswalks etc. to reach it.

During a recent-ish city commission meeting, former employee Melissa Byron stood up and declared, “The Kelly Slater statue where it is right now is dangerous. It’s plain dangerous.”

Mayor Ben Malik, stunning city commission meeting fans, agreed and said, “I don’t think they anticipated as many people wanting to take a picture. People jaywalking, scampering across the four-lane highway to get to the statue.”

He suggested that moving the sculpture to a “safer location” would reduce its menace to society and discussed building a park next to the new city hall where it could be worshiped properly.

Slater’s less/not famous brother Sean vehemently disagrees, though. “I love the statue where it is,” he raged. “I think it belongs where it is.”

Sean noted that there have been no recorded instances of someone dying while trying to venerate the 11x World Champion. “How many instances of danger have we had? Zero,” he said. “There’s not a line of people doing it, you know.”

The “line of people” doing “it” left unclassified.

Mayor Malik told Sean to shove his opinion where the sun don’t shine, in so many words, stating, “We know we want to be respectful of the family and the artist and see what their thoughts are, but seemed most of the commission was onboard with relocating it.”

Will you pay your respects at the new site?

I made pilgrimage some decade ago but is it like Mecca where once in a lifetime is good enough or does Kelly Slater demand more?

Next year in Cocoa Beach?