Quiksilver prepares for wild sales spike after photograph of its new “Bogan Cool” leadership team leaks to press!

If you can't rock n roll, don't fooken come.

The silt of the extreme sport industry is still settling after Billabong, Quiksilver, RVCA, et. al. were rolled into one company then sold to another company. Authentic Brands Group officially closed the deal at the beginning of September, firing whoever was left to be fired, clearing the way to slap Mountains and Waves, Balances of Opposites, “Billabong” on all manner of toenail clipper, fingernail clipper, cuticle trimmer, emory board.

If you can’t rock n roll, don’t fooken come.

Mikey Wright, youngest of famous Clan Wright, has really been Quiksilver’s belle over the past few years, defining the look/feel of the brand as “Bogan Cool” what with sneering lips, large shades and potty mouth. A small legion of fans rabidly following each of his wildcard entries into Championship Tour events and each of his first round exits.

Purveyors were curious if Quik could maintain its ethos being wadded up in Boardriders then pitched to ABG but big orders are certain to be flooding in after the leadership group of o5, in charge of the license, was released.

See: Above.

We’re back, baby.

Cocaine + Surfing.

World Surf League signals deep financial trouble as once-proud Santa Monica offices put on the market!

The end nigh?

The World Surf League exploded onto our scene not a decade ago when a reclusive billionaire named Dirk Ziff purchased the Association of Surfing Professionals, for free, rebranded it and announced that it would soon be a multi-billion dollar enterprise. New offices were leased in Santa Monica, a whole studio built inside and the momentum of professional surfing was REAL.

Except somewhere along the way, multiple CEOs filtered in then out, mass layoffs occurred, the aforementioned studios were shuttered before making anything, Erik Logan.

Still, only bright and bullish pronouncements came out of those new offices. Viewership up by hundreds of percentages, year on year. Sponsors lining up around the Santa Monica block in order to partner.

Alas, those shining beacons of progress are now officially on the market.

Sale or lease.

There has been no word, clearly, from the World Surf League itself. The organization, which operates as a cut-rate North Korea, loves nothing more than despising its audience, though a sale to Bahrain, Qatar, UAE must be even closer.

Will Stab hear the news ten minutes before you or I?

Jessi Miley-Dyer whispering the news while her minder is having a pee pee break?


Buy or lease here!

Slater (pictured) giddy. Photo: WSL
Slater (pictured) giddy. Photo: WSL

North Shore hellmen squeal like bachelorettes in Vegas as favorite rosé partners with fabled Turtle Bay!

Rosé all day!

Summer has turned to autumn, in the northern hemisphere, meaning the North Shore of Oahu is about to get cracking. The seven-mile miracle featuring waves so famous, so wildly well-known, that even grandma in Dubuque is familiar. Waimea Bay, The Banzai Pipeline, Off The Wall and Rocky Rights. Surfers from around the world, attempting to prove their worth, steel spines and gird loins and descend upon the island grim faced and ready for battle.

Though this year, a giddy new crop is on the way.

And you are, no doubt, familiar with the “rosé all day” craze that has swept through the female population during the past decade. Pink wine become the absolute must. But did you know that the brand that really kicked it all off came out of France’s Provence from the winery Chateau D’esclans? Yes, it’s Whispering Angel label became de rigueur at every bachelorette party, every baby shower, every sweet sixteen (don’t tell mom!) and, starting last week, every Pipeline Masters.

Yes, Whispering Angel is partnering with Turtle Bay to offer special cabanas at the resort. Per luxury title Forbes:

The Whispering Angel Cabanas will be a celebration of the luxury goods powerhouse, world-class rosé, and the spirit of aloha that is carried throughout the resort. The Whispering Angel Cabanas are just feet from Turtle Bay Resort’s scenic coastline with a premium view of the surf and sunsets. Open to resort guests and the public, the elevated cabanas will come with a bottle of Whispering Angel Rosé and complimentary light bites, including a fruit arrangement, sourced from the resort’s very own 468-acre Kuilima Farm – that’s a definite wow feature — and artisanal cheese and charcuterie spread. Cabana guests will have access to an exclusive menu featuring additional iconic brands from the MH portfolio, including Ruinart, Moët & Chandon Ice Impérial, and Dom Pérignon. The sommelier-selected libations will be offered either by the glass, bottle, or as a cocktail starting at $15.



But can you imagine da boyz getting on the rosé before paddling out? I’d imagine a whole new lineup vibe.


Which professional, do you think, would best exemplify the “rosé all day” spirit?

Italo Ferreira?

Good choice.

Kanga, with the big buffalo head and, inset, Elon Musk.

Testosterone-squirting big-wave icon Ian “Kanga” Cairns joins Elon Musk in slamming Wikipedia, “The editors are crazed!”

"History is written by those who can harness the most editors."

Ian “Kanga” Cairns, a rough, tough, lover of big chicken-fried steaks, has joined Elon Musk in slamming the online resource Wikipedia for “shocking” inaccuracies.

If you know surfing, you’ll know Kanga, of course. He is a man with the physique of a comic-book hero who ruled big waves, who was pivotal in the creation of a world tour, who would launch the ASP after tearing the game off the IPS’s Fred Hemmings and whose thin-eyed stare could give a man stomach cramps.

Kanga, who is seventy-one, was moved to comment after Musk, the fifty-two-year-old billionaire owner of Twitter/X, as well as SpaceX and the nerd chariot producer Tesla, quipped “History is written by the victors. Well, yes, but not if your enemies are still alive and have a lot of time on their hands to edit Wikipedia”.

(Watch the clip and see Benji Netanyahu add, “History is written by those who can harness the most editors.”)

The baseball-bat-swinging-send-the-king-of-the-hui to jail Kanga replied,

“My personal experience with Wikipedia was shocking. Accused of hacking I finally had to engage with another Ian Cairns in Scotland to vouch for me, that I was me. It makes me doubt every page on the site. It’s not Encyclopedia Brittanica!”

When I asked Kanga, whose bravura was last on full display when he took on surf feminist hero Lucy Small over a meme featuring a white man being hung (Lucy don’t dig white boys!), he came back with:

“I rewrote my profile to match the truth. The next day it had reverted to the old version. I asked why and the thoughts police accused me of hacking the account. They told me I could not update my profile. My conclusion is that the ‘editors’ are crazed and I’ve never been back.” 

Read Kanga’s Wiki page here and tell me what you think they got wrong and what the truth might be! Answers tomoz or whenever the old boy is back on his phone, laptop. 


In a wild escalation of the blood feud, Alana Blanchard weighed in, excoriating Stab after its recent Instagram post captioned "Loyalty is a two-way street" with, "I’m surprised you have the word 'loyalty' in your vocabulary. It’s funny how you portrayed one of the nicest pro surfers as the 'worst' without any explanation of why."

Blood Feud between Stab and Jack Freestone escalates wildly after surf star Alana Blanchard accuses “talent friendly” blog of disloyalty!

"It’s funny how you portrayed one of the nicest pro surfers as the 'worst' without any explanation of why."

It has been a heck of a week for surfing’s most premium blog Stab. Heck of a week.

Things got off weird, just five days ago, when the subscription-based outlet delivered a cashmere cuddly “interview” with the World Surf League’s Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer which succeeded in not asking any difficult question. Fans instantly revolted but instead of taking it on the handsome chin, co-founder Sam McIntosh decided to double down with a throaty defense of “access journalism,” wherein Stab purposefully babies its subjects in order to be friends.

It all might have ended there… except the entirely loved, and just released, second season of How Surfers Get Paid did former Championship Tour stalwart Jack Freestone dirty.

The episode under the microscope features surfboard shapers discussing trade secrets and also fingering Freestone as a “difficult customer.”

Stab, as it is wont to do, attempted to avoid fireworks by claiming the lantern-jaw’d Freestone was “in on it,” penning, “Also, a big thanks must go to Jack Freestone. This episode featured some loose ends and ‘off the record’ quotes from our talent. We interviewed Jack and he was gracious, good humoured and totally unperturbed to have a few jabs by shapers let in.”

Freestone, however, was maybe not all that “in on it” and, perturbed, shot back, “So lame. Always twisting questions and answers. All respect lost.”

Well, in a wild escalation of the blood feud, Freestone’s better half, and surf star, Alana Blanchard weighed in, excoriating Stab after its recent Instagram post captioned “Loyalty is a two-way street” with, “I’m surprised you have the word ‘loyalty’ in your vocabulary. It’s funny how you portrayed one of the nicest pro surfers as the ‘worst’ without any explanation of why. And not too mention you twisted it so it looked like he knew everything that was said about him. #dobetter”

Ouch and especially when an entire business model is built upon being as soft as a down pillow.

Access journalism, I suppose, tricker than previously thought.

As stated before, I spent fifteen or twenty minutes with Freestone in Lemoore and found him to be nothing but open, honest and charming. I am absolutely certain I would feel the same way about Blanchard.

BeachGrit in the Park.