Wright (pictured) and what should have been. Photo: WSL
Wright (pictured) and what should have been. Photo: WSL

World’s most brutalized surfer Tyler Wright suffers yet another indignity as potential third title violently ripped from her trembling hands!

An entire system called "life" invented to torture the beleaguered Australian.

No surfer walking the face of the earth, past, present or future, has ever suffered like Tyler Wright. From her father forcing her to learn how to ride warm water waves to sponsor Rip Curl paying her millions of dollars to twin world championships then marriage to her beloved wife, the 29-year-old has had it bad.

Wright, who properly came out as gay to much fanfare in 2020 when she decided to sport the famous pride flag on her singlet, declared at the time, “I don’t want to say I was hiding before, but now I am encouraged enough to lean into who I am. I’m not scared to say, ‘Look, this is what I stand for.’ I want to show others that surfing can be a welcoming space for LGBTQ+ athletes.”

Just prior, she had endured debilitating chronic fatigue.

Just after, sapping menstrual cramps.

All in all a string of rottenness no class, from Russian serfs to African slaves, has had to brave.

The worst of all indignities, though, was just ladled upon her bowed crown.

A stripping of the 2023 World Surf League championship tour title. Rightfully hers before a purposefully marginalizing change in format.

Common knowledge had it that the trophy would have been Carissa Moore’s without the manufactured introduction of “Finals Day” wherein the year’s results are thrown out and Lower Trestles becomes the biggest test on earth. The Hawaiian gold medalist was robbed last year when Steph Gilmore stormed from fifth to first. Then, she had enough points at season’s end to win without even competing if normalcy was allowed.

This year, it was assumed she was first as well, as she came in wearing yellow.

Wright, for her part, was second wearing… to be honest, I can’t remember. Green?

Alas, it was a mirage.

An eagle-eye’d surf fan wrote in with the truth, just hours ago, sharing via Instagram:

Hi Chas, I can’t get on your BeachGrit comments section so would just like to have a say here about the Carissa Moore scenario and the one day WSL Final fiasco. I agree that last year Carissa had an unassailable lead going into the finals day. So yes, Title #6. But she was overrun by Gilmore and Gilmore gained her 7th Title leaving Moore on 5.

2023 a bit different. Applying the ‘old system’ of best 8 results from 10 events it adds up that Tyler Wright (with 59,455 pts) would have taken the 2023 crown, Carissa 2nd ( 57,745) and Caroline 3rd.

Therefore using the old system , Steph and Layne with 7 titles each, Carissa has 6 and Tyler up one to 3.
Using the new format, Steph 8, Layne 7, Carissa 5 and Caroline 1.

I wish people would look a bit deeper into the numbers and compare.

There we have it.

An entire system called “life” invented to torture poor Tyler Wright.


Victim in repose.
Victim in repose.

New husband paralyzed due ultra-rare Surfer’s Myelopathy while on honeymoon in Hawaii

A nasty curse strikes again.

Two years ago, or such, we all learned of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Surfer’s Myelopathy. The ultra-rare disease, a hyperextension of the T10 vertebrae, causes paralysis without even a bonk on the back, just regular ol’ paddling and popping. Reason 312 to quit surfing, immediately.

Last time, the nasty condition befell a handsome young Las Vegas man on vacation to Hawaii. The 18-year-old had gone surfing, a lifelong dream, but, “Within that first or second wave, I noticed my lower back was starting to feel tense. Soon as I touched the sand, my legs pretty much just gave out.”

Surfer’s Myelopathy.


Now, it is being reported that an Atlanta man, in Honolulu for his honeymoon, suffered the same ugly fate. According to local media, Brendan Town, 32, was on the the island celebrating marriage to his wife Cho Park, by surfing. Afterward, it is said he had a “mild discomfort” in his back that quickly devolved to full paralysis.

He has been in the hospital for weeks, getting released yesterday. “My goal is to be able to withstand the 8-9 hour flight back home by the end of this week,” he wrote on a GoFundMe. “Once back home I will be starting inpatient physical therapy that will help expedite the process of my healing and being able to walk again.”

Walking is possible, again, with the surfers’ curse and hopefully Town will be able to overcome but man…

Does it make you think twice about paddling?

Or at least paddling in Hawaii?

Probably should, TBH.

Surfline forecasting team (pictured). Photo: Revenge of the Nerds
Surfline forecasting team (pictured). Photo: Revenge of the Nerds

Historically important liberal American magazine publishes steamy expose on forecasting giant Surfline!

"A single website has a choke hold on surfing..."

The World Surf League’s 2023 Championship Tour is now in the rearview and along with it all the flotsam and jetsam of professional surfing at its highest level. Bailey Ladders, Candy Crushes, Jessi Miley-Dyer’s increasingly “cry-for-help” fashion choices, the ghost of Erik Logan, mid-season culls, suspect forecasts and lousy waves.

The penultimate in that incomplete list came courtesy of Surfline, the World Surf League’s official forecasting partner, and the Huntington Beach-based website has had quite a few years. From absorbing Magic Seaweed, getting a $30 million dollar infusion from The Chernin Group to the recent sudden departure of a visionary CEO and seeming pivot away from fresh ideas, Surfline has been on a ride.

No space in our cloister is as polarizing as Surfline, some enjoying, others hate-using, others still just hating. The heat growing so hot that even The Atlantic felt the warmth and touched with bare hands. In a just-published expose, steamy, the historically important liberal American magazine asked a who’s who of relevant surf players, including Matt Warshaw, William Finnegan and “grumpier critics” in an attempt to discern if the tool is a “this big kind of evil corporation.”

A brief description of Surfline leads into concerns about post-pandemic overcrowding and Surfline’s “strangle hold” on forecasting’s role in the mess.

Head forecaster Kevin Wallis, a name very familiar amongst surf aficionados, is consulted and attempts to puncture rumors that untrue forecasts are purposefully delivered and that Surfline employees turn off cameras near their favorite breaks in order to minimize crowds.

“There’s a real sense of responsibility,” he said. “It would be terrible for our business model to do anything but our absolute best in providing people with the most accurate information.”

The whispers are left at that.

At the end, Finnegan stands up for Surfline, declaring, “I live in Manhattan, and I do not know how we surfed from here without Surfline. There are really good waves within an hour of New York City. But you really, really have to nail it.”

Warshaw too, adding, “The whole history of surf is taking advantage of everything you can to surf better to get more waves. If you’re in the ocean, that’s all that counts.”


Surfline Man was, somehow, not consulted.

Read in entirety here.

Carissa Moore’s sister slams surfing’s Finals Day format after tour-leader’s heart-breaking loss for the second year in a row!

"This is extremely discouraging to people like my sister who show up number 1 seed 3x in a row, and are robbed because of a ONE DAY event."

For two consecutive years, the Hawaiian Carissa Moore has dominated the regular season only to be kneecapped at three-foot Lowers, by Gilmore last year and Caz Marx on the weekend. 

“Carissa is the rightful world champion, Steph said from the podium with characteristic grace,” wrote bikini-wearing journalist Jen See in 2022. “It was hard to ignore how far ahead in the rankings Carissa started the day and how much she lost by the end of it. I doubt Carissa especially liked being reminded that she should have won. Surely that felt like salt in the wounds.”

It sure didn’t feel right to Carissa’s little sis, Cayla, who let the WSL have it on their IG post celebrating the Floridian Commie’s win.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by World Surf League (@wsl)

“Caroline surfed great, however I must say this format is not showing a true world champion – someone who shows up consistently at each event and has a wide range of attributes and skills through each location, wave, spot on tour through the year,” wrote Cayla. “This is extremely discouraging to people like my sister who show up number 1 seed 3x in a row, and are robbed of their hard work and effort all year long because of a ONE DAY event. Fix your format. The WSL Finals is not a good reflection of World Champions. 7 Xs for Riss”

It’s a popular sentiment. Almost seven hundred followers liked it and seventy-three were moved enough to reply, most in the positive column. 

Exactly last year your sister had a 2000 pt lead over 2nd place. At seasons end! Only to lose it in this new format. Why should she have to win it twice!  Same thing again this year. To me she is the real champ! Last year and this year! Keep your head up Riss!!

so flawed! Imagine if you won every event on tour leading up to this event. And then you lose two heats and you’re not world champion bc of a bad day in horrible surf.

greed!  We love our mana wahine @rissmoore10 and this format is flawed in so many ways. Over it @wsl!  Even Stephanie said it!

t’s extremely discouraging to surfers where soft lowers doesn’t fit their surfing as much.  Been a gift for Toledo this thing isn’t ending at pipeline.  That being said Caroline really did surf great today and is such a cool person she will be a great world champion.

this is an absolute disrespect for all the athletes and for the sport itself. This format is an outrageous disrespect for the athletes that work hard all year long for a championship that should give the title to the surfer that was better all the season, and not to the athelete that, despite being in the top 5, is “lucky” enough to wake in a good day, find all the good waves and surf in his/her favorite beach. Your sister is the true champion for two years in a row, and it’s really sad to not see more athletes with enough courage to stand up against this ridiculous fornat. I can’t believe that any real athlete can be in favor of this casino style contest!!!!

I like the all-or-nothing Format, although, yeah, Lowers ain’t the Colosseum the grand final needs.

But if Teahupoo is a little off the shelf, technique wise, where y’think?

matthew mcconaughey-surfer

Conspiracy rumours haunt surfing’s world title showdown after Matthew McConaughey predicts exact score needed by Griffin Colapinto three days prior!

“Why is no-one talking about this?"

A few days prior to Griffin Colapinto’s unsuccessful shot to become California’s first world surf champ in three decades, Matthew McConaughey stunned surf fans with a stirring speech to Griff delivered via Instagram. 


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Quiksilver (@quiksilver)

Hey Griff, I want to get your ear before you get all in your head about this world title business. I want to share a perspective that has helped a lot of my dreams come true. 

It’s called be less impressed and more involved. You see, when we are just impressed our dreams are nothing but fairytale dust clouds that we bend our neck to see and never grab a-hold of. 

But, where we’re involved, we grab a-hold of those clouds. We grab that fairy dust. We look ‘em in the eye and make ‘em a reality. 

You see, this moment that you are in, right now, right here, is a classic yin and yang. It’s a balance of make it happen, let it come. The reason…and… the rhyme. The balance of the engineered and the mystical. 

And, the hard work and the dedication and the principals and the goals you have committed to, you engineered those. A hundred percent fact! And the mystical, that stuff that sends you a set wave you need with fifteen seconds on the clock in the final heat of the final event. That out-of-body stuff at that precise moment you need an 8.89 to decide the world title and you surf your way to a nine. Yeah! You gotta keep your antenna tuned to that music as well! 

Now, look, it is no accident that you are here right now. Hell, you called your shot a long time ago. These heights that you’re on, now this is your new normal. It’s where you belong. On the way to where you are going! 

So remember, how you got here, look this moment in the eye, and own it. Cause the roof is a manmade thing, Griff, and…you…have no lid. 


Griff didn’t fly, sadly, sputtered on takeoff and plunged into the cold and unforgiving Pacific Ocean, but McConaughey, star of Surfer, Dude, and The Beach Bum, did correctly predict the score he would need to get a shot at Filipe Toledo. 

That out-of-body stuff at that precise moment you need an 8.89 to decide the world title and you surf your way to a nine. Yeah! You gotta keep your antenna tuned to that music as well! 

As online sleuth and Ain’t That Swell listener Chris Fowler pointed out, 

“Why is no-one talking about this? This fruitcake called Griff sat waiting for an 8.89 – fucking 8.89, his exact score needed was an 8.88. Jesus it’s wild listen to now after the fact.” 


Oh, but we are now!

Conspiracy? Genius? None of the above?