"Nearly every wave is a closeout. Everyone who surfs here is an absolute barney."
Southern California’s El Porto received the dubious honor of being dubbed region’s “worst wave.” Salty Beards, purveyor of organic body washes and beard oils, took to Instagram in order to share:
Guys, we are at the shittiest wave in Southern California for the hundredth day in a row. This is fucking El Porto. It is by far the worst wave in Southern California. Nearly every wave is a closeout. Everyone who surfs here is an absolute barney. It looks like it is going to be good but just never breaks… I swear it sucks.
El Porto is just off the coast of Manhattan Beach which has a population of 32,000. It is a “laid-back South Bay community popular with families and outdoor enthusiasts,” according to its Google Review.
El Porto is near the World Surf League’s new veterinary/animal trauma offices in El Segundo. It was recently site of a violent incident where a feisty woman stabbed Pauley Shore’s nephew’s surfboard with a small knife.
El Porto is former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s favorite place to surf.
Current World Surf League Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer hates it, though. She commented, “This is amazing and yes,” underneath Salty Beard’s damnation. Her honesty and negative opinion flew directly in the face of everything she has built in the “global home of professional surfing” during her climb to the top-adjacent.
Do you think the gasps of dying animals is clouding her otherwise spotless mind?
Will the muffled meows of suffering kittens finally bring down the Wall of Positive Noise?
More as the story develops.
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If El Porto is the “worst wave in Southern California”, why (and how) is this dude surfing there “100 days in a row”? Sounds like it is the “most consistent wave in Southern California”, and he just wishes it was a better wave. Porto – love it or leave it. 🙂
editorial corrections:
1-
2- el porto has a liquor store…
3- worse than the public parking lot…
4- fill up gas Chevron
5- pray we’ll make it thru HiWay 1
6- and pick up some chinken along the way…
7- and surf early radar towers
8- and make it back to school on time/
9- no vacancies~
10- then find some iceplant bedding…
I lived in west LA for a few years. El Porto wasn’t a great wave but it will take any winter pulse and turn it into rideable surf.
The other benefit of El Porto is just how much of a magnet it is for everyone in LA. Surfers here will see good waves with empty peaks and they will just drive right by it to go to Porto. When other spots in the south bay are good they are much less crowded than they’d otherwise be if they were in Ventura/OC/SD because of this.
edit: The sand has been bad and the wave has been shitty. It’s also shitty in a different way than when I surfed it.
Rich: you know they say that KS was groomed in FLA 1-3 foot waves with 2, 3, 4, second intervals and succeeded ’cause he’s riding waves and paddling constantly and anything above that was just a yearning to go elsewhere. therefore, el porto is kind of the opposite: I take my 7’6″ jay riddle type boards out there 12-14 second intervals and take off on 6-8 footers only to get buried ’cause all el porto tubes collapse. surfed some early 70s island waves and succeeded. the downturn was bringing back a couple of big wave guns and trying them out…not looking for credit now. but how many guys do you see in south bay riding Hawaiian guns in 6-8 foot close outs? yep, at El Porto!
the barney depicted is doing a nice number to his junk
Usually you can find a corner or two out there, but since all the sand got pushed offshore last winter it’s been the absolute worst piece of shit wave on the planet.
Hey, hey! Going straight!
Good… every state that has a coastline needs a shitty ass wave to be ashamed of and the fact that the last CEO said that it was a favorite spot of his says a lot….. A hole lot.
It’s depressing just driving through the parking lot at El Porto.
Because of all the absolute Barneys?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
You could say the same thing about the entire coast of California, for the most part.
Who’s to blame? Jack LaLanne?
It sounds like the ideal place to interview Mr. Chas Smith (formerly of Coos Bay, now of Cardiff by the sea) for the upcoming documentary
…”Chas Smith, Man or Myth”…
And there’s a good chance ELo will be hanging out nearby, ready to spill the beans on why he’s no longer with the woosl.
WANNA REFINANCE~?
Really Oregon transplant? Go figure😅
yes. absolute worst.
+often crowded.
+angry.
+notonlysouthern.
I vote for La Jolla Shores
Has the sand there gone to shit in the last 20 years? I remember it having its moments during the fall and winter when I lived in SD, but there are precious few beach breaks in Southern California that are doing the same thing that they did two decades ago.
Yeah it had some good days and Scripps. You had that Surfers in the Wild story at Blacks. That was you, right? Damn good story.
26th ave in Santa Cruz, same deal.
Same as it ever was. The city dumped sand along the shores in january so its been 20 times better than del mar.
Birdrock Bandits 10 year reunion tour…
My first trip to Manhattan Beach area was around 1992 to visit a buddy. Went to a punk show where I made a smartass comment to a chick, HUGE mistake, I can’t remember what I said but she was super pissed off and punched me square in the nuts. Later at a burger joint I saw a guy leading his girlfriend around on a leash. Good times.
Reminds me of going to punk shows with the SF skaters in the eighties. Remember MickeyReyes grabbing a chick by her nose ring and dragging her around in circles. Don’t mess with Mickey.
Sounds pretty on-brand for someone that was a cop.
Haha yea that was a weird career move. That was when skating was going through a rough time industry wise. I think he did it because his dad was a cop.
Mickey Reyes was a twat and “got away with murder” as they say.
Not a very fun person to hang with.
I enjoyed Death metal shows in San Diego at the Brick by brick club… would’ve loved to have seen more punk!
Iguanas late 80s through 90’s were epic..Most weekends we used and abused our friends house in roarito right on da beach 1 km south of the pemex plant. place fired often. Best way to kick the hangover
mescal on the saloon~BLUE LAGOON. (Hussongs) 3Ms was flat. time outta mind.
And ice cold Dos XX green bottles with a slice of lime in the neck on the beach throwing horseshoes most afternoons…
its a corona ‘mercial where the beachers are in chairs and jumping up and wavin when the shore pounds…we prefer Adolph’s Coors.
Critter’s bar and from there out to dine…