Bawdy producer DJ Fisher whip-flays TV host
for his inability to bring his wife to clitoral orgasm!
Pro surfer turned chart-topping DJ Fisher
whip-flays TV host for inability to bring wife to orgasm!
By Derek Rielly
And shuts down Hollywood Boulevard for "first time
in LA's history"
The former-pro-surfer-and-comic-turned-DJ Paul Fisher,
who trades under the stage name FISHER has shut down part of
Hollywood Boulevard for a gig, along with Chris Lake, as
part of the pair’s Under Construction concert series.
“We are honored to have been granted the privilege by the
Hollywood community board, local and city officials, and the
surrounding businesses to host an event of this magnitude in our
backyard,” organiser Kobi Danan said.
“We hope that through this unprecedented occasion we can continue
to further reinvigorate Hollywood as more than just a tourist
destination, but a destination for our communities to come
together.”
In an interview with an Australian morning show to celebrate the
tremendous achievement, Fisher quickly turned the
interview down an uninhibited trail, lamenting the male host’s
inability to stimulate his wife.
“I feel sorry for your woman,” says DJ Fisher, famous for the
hits Just Feels Tight and Losing It, after
the host complains of a short tongue.
The randy DJ has long been a sexual renaissance man.
One year ago, Fisher spoke frankly of his boldest fantasies.
In the vein of a young Barack Obama who wrote of making “love to
men daily, but in the imagination” Fisher, playing a game of Fuck,
Marry, Kill, said he would “definitely have to fuck Hemsworth… That
thing, imagine slapping that fucking arse, it’s pretty good.”
Fisher then nominated the mixed martial artist and former UFC
champion in both the featherweight and lightweight divisions Conor
McGregor as someone whom he would enjoy getting down on his knees
behind and, cock as red as a cheap piece of fishing tackle,
storming the mysteries of McGregor’s ass, his phallus as
searchlight.
No fuck is in vain, as they say.
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Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes (right) and WSL
acolyte.
Famed Silicon Valley advisor compares World
Surf League to Theranos, Frye Festival in damning op-ed!
By Animal Chin
We(don't)Work.
I am here to tell you the WSL is dead. They
will crash and burn. No doubt.
I have spent the majority of my career in and around Silicon
Valley as a founder, advisor and consultant. Over the last decade,
I have learned what makes a startup successful and where the
warning signs for failure are.
I have for years been saying that the WSL has the hallmarks of a
rapid-growth startup- venture backed, charismatic leadership,
desire to change the world, etc. That being said, the startups that
the WSL is
following aren’t the FAANG high performers. Instead, the startups
that the WSL is emulating are the ones that have Netflix
documentaries made about them, the Theranos, the
WeWork, the Fyre Fests.
These startups have all followed a simple playbook of promise
innovation, create a cult of personality, lie about success, silent
dissenters, under deliver, allow execs to self deal, and ultimately
burn in a blaze of non-glory and scandal, below is a sampling of
how the WSL fits this mold and will ultimately crash and burn.
Initially, the WSL promised innovation and reinvention, much
like WeWork, Theranos, and Fyre Fest, but much like those startups,
failed to meet the mark. Teranos never delivered on the promise of
the Edison the same way the WSL has failed to deliver on the
promise of becoming a media company, elevate the sport, innovate
competition, or doing really anything. The innovation that was
promised has never been delivered upon and in the same way that the
Edison was a shittier version of a Becton Dickinson Blood Reagent
Analyzer, the WSL is a shittier version of the ASP.
In the same line of thinking, Silicon Valley has a long history
of CEOs who become synonymous with their companies, like Elizabeth
Holmes of Theranos and Adam Neumann of WeWork. WSL leaders have
been treading a similar path. Markedly, Erik Logan had moved from
an administrative role to an omnipresent figure at WSL events,
eclipsing even the surfers at times, demonstrated at peak
self-aggrandizing with a Filipe Toledo shirt wearing debacle .
Similarly, Jesse Miley Dyer, through leadership seminars and public
events, is actively molding herself as a poster figure for the
sport. Additionally and in the same regard, Dave Prodan, via his
podcast, doesn’t just commentate on surfing, he often sets the
moral and ethical tone of surfing, becoming an arbiter of what’s
right and wrong in the sport and making things about him when
they’re not.
Much like Silicon Valley companies that allegedly suppressed
internal critics, including the documented instances of Theranos
counsel harassing whistleblowers, the WSL has shown similar
tendencies. The controversial decision to prevent surfers from
sporting Bethany Hamilton jerseys signaled an authoritarian streak
in this same regard. Moreover, Logan’s public warning against
raising concerns over potential judging bias displays an intent to
control the narrative at all costs. Additionally, Prodan’s
approach, particularly his political name-calling and the quick
removal of dissenting “Dave Prodan Killed Surfing” stickers at
Trestles hints at an intolerance for alternate viewpoints.
Misrepresentation of success metrics, a tactic Silicon Valley
snake oil salesmen, such as Holmes’ fudging of the Edison’s
accuracy or Fyre Fest’s misrepresentation of Fyre Fest
preparedness, has often been criticized as a quick way to convince
investors that all is well and appears prevalent in WSL’s strategy.
Logan’s optimistic portrayal of viewership figures, often without
substantial evidence, mirrors the inflated claims that led to the
downfalls of many tech startups. Prodan’s feigned excitement of the
mid-year cut seemed to put lipstick on a pig and signal the same,
even when rebuked by Connor Coffin to his face and while actively
rebutted by tour surfers.
These Silicon Valley startups also have a history of
self-dealing. A prime example is WeWork’s Adam Neumann, who had
questionable real estate dealings with his company that ultimately
didn’t pass the smell test. These dealings find a counterpart in
Logan’s endeavors with Apple TV. Logan’s dual role as a WSL CEO and
the executive producer for Apple TV’s “Make or Break” rings alarm
bells about potential conflicts of interest, reminiscent of many a
Silicon Valley scandal.
When it comes to pushing narratives, Holmes’ unwavering faith in
Theranos’ flawed Edison machine is paralleled by WSL’s insistence
on wave pools, mid year cut, and the unpopular finals day format,
even in the face of clear community opposition across all levels of
leadership.
At its core, the WSL, by seemingly adopting a Silicon Valley
playbook marred with controversies, is setting itself up for an
inevitable downfall. Silicon Valley’s history is littered with
companies that were driven by ego, suppressed criticism,
misrepresented success, and lost touch with their user base,
eventually leading to their implosion. The WSL’s current trajectory
appears ominously familiar.
As the surfing community watches, the hope remains that the WSL
will recalibrate its compass, but it’s unlikely and I fear that the
coffin nails are being hammered for competitive surfing. For a
sport so deeply connected with nature’s rhythms, its governing
body’s alignment with flawed corporate strategies seems stupid and
disingenuous. We are a community that yearns for WSL leadership
that resonates with the sport’s core values, but its seeming more
and more that the League will crash against the very waves it seeks
to champion and, well, die like Theranos and FyreFest or even
worse, rust like a WeWork.
We deserve better.
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Maldivian surfers call for ban on Israelis
following Hamas butchery of 1300 Jewish civilians
By Derek Rielly
“Thank you for this noble humanitarian stance!”
Following the October 7 butchering of over one thousand
civilians, including old women, babies, kids and leftist hippies at
a music festival celebrating peace and the subsequent retaliation
by Israel, surfers in the Maldives have called for an
immediate ban on visiting Israeli surfers.
I mean, of course!
The Maldives, is one of the few Muslim countries that let the
Jew in, Israel being one of the first countries in the world to
recognise the little state when it shucked British rule in
1965.
That don’t mean it isn’t hardline.
The Maldives bans any public practice of any religion other than
Islam and if you ain’t Muslim, you can’t be a citizen.
When ISIS was still big news, the Maldives gained “prominence as
a haven for jihadist recruitment” as locals streamed into Iraq and
Syria to join the big boys of the Jihadist game.
“This island paradise made news
recently for a reason other than its pristine beaches and high-end
resorts: the gruesome killing of a liberal blogger, stabbed to
death by multiple assailants.
“The killing
in April of Yameen Rasheed, 29, a strong voice against growing
Islamic radicalization, has amplified safety concerns —
particularly for foreign tourists, a highly vulnerable group and
one that the islands’ economy depends on. It is no idle threat, in
a country that by some accounts supplies the world’s
highest per-capita
number of foreign fighters to extremist outfits in Syria
and Iraq.
“Security experts say many resorts are ill equipped to fend off
an attack on par with those that have occurred in places like
Tunisia and Bali,
Indonesia.”
So when Hamas busted down the Gaza wall and entered those pretty
little kibbutzes on the border and murdered whomever they could
find, throwing in a little beheadings here and there for colour,
why wouldn’t you join in the conga line of Jew hate and use it as
an excuse to ban Israeli surfers.
“Maldives Bodyboarding Association and the entire surf community
strongly condemn and demand an end to the inhumane and unjust
actions carried out by Israel against Palestinians.
“Visiting Israeli surfers in the Maldives have displayed a
disturbing lack of respect towards local and international board
riders in the lineup. They have posed threats to the safety of
locals and others, resorting to both verbal and physical
aggression. Furthermore, it is crucial to shed light on the fact
that Israelis have been involved in the tourism sector, albeit
discreetly, at various levels. We implore resort owners, guesthouse
proprietors, safari operators, and tour operators to cease their
affiliations with these Israeli involvements.
“We request that the Maldivian government enforce a ban on the
entry of Israelis to the Maldives. We also ask the government to
continue any efforts aimed at stopping the inhumane actions of
Israel and showing solidarity with the Palestinians. We call on the
Maldivian government to assist the Palestinians in any way they
can.”
Israeli surfers do have an image problem. Great on land, feisty
as hell in the water. Most surfs over there in the Holy Land, and I
love the joint, I’d swing in with a headache from all the
hassling.
I ain’t sure whether its that genetic thing of having to fight
for everything they’ve got and, who knows, a katyusha might land on
their heads any second so y’might as well grab every wave that
comes, or that they’re at that same point on the surf culture
evolution table Brazilians were ten years ago, Australians
thirty.
Naturally, Muslim surfers were thrilled by the suggestion.,
“We don’t need to confuse Israel with anything to understand it
has being terrorizing the people of Palestine with the help of
daddy Biden. Not only the on going conflict but the history of
violence that was inflicted on Palestinians during ground invasions
to steal their lands from them speaks for itself. So please, we
will stay relaxed In our sandy beaches and you can relax in the
land of Palestine while waving your white flag with a blue star
whatever the fuck that is.”
“Thanks for the good news. Stay homeless. Land thieves. Surf in
jahannam.”
“Maldives has always been a favorite destination to us Arabs,
now even more. Thank you for this noble, humanitarian stance.”
“Solid stance against a Zionist fictional wanna be country.
Funnest waves and it will be more fun with well mannered people
now.”
“The life you stole and land you annexed from Palestinians
ILLEGALLY.Live what’s left of your stolen land and life because the
Palestinian cause only grows stronger, and you will be held
accountable.”
Meanwhile, the softening on the western mind continues as cities
from Sydney to Paris to New York to Paris to London to Toronto to
etc etc light up in support of Israel’s annihilation.
Lebanese Evolutionary Behavioral Scientist Gad Saad sums it up
real well,
“You are not going to like this tweet so turn away if you are
likely to be triggered: I am a very optimistic person; I am a
fighter for Western values and liberties; I am a dogged defender of
science, reason, and common sense. I must say though that I am
unsure that the West can recover from its multifront civilizational
suicide. Yes, I’ve talked about these issues for decades and wrote
a book about it but the past few weeks have crystallized the extent
to which the problem has become intractable. It will be a long and
ultimately bloody demise and the West will be the first society in
recorded history to fully self-implode due to its parasitic
ideological rapture. It is a gargantuan Greek tragedy that will
shape the future of humanity. This is not hyperbole. Your
grandchildren will pay a very high price for your “progressive”
arrogance rooted in the pursuit of Unicornia that only exists in
the recesses of deeply flawed parasitized minds.”
Olympic surf hopeful Erin Brooks savagely
denied citizenship by Canada which cruelly cites her “lack of
experiencing hardship” as reason
By Chas Smith
Take off, hoser.
Surfing’s grand entry into the Olympics has
been a wonderful study in unity. A glorious reflection of John
Lennon’s most pure ideals. “Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t
hard to do…” Yes, thanks to the Olympics, Australian surfers
instantly transform into Japanese surfers, Brazilian surfers
transform into Irish surfers and American surfers transform
into…
…but wait, what jingoistic light through yonder window breaks?
It is the north, and Canada is displaying wild, unfettered
nationalism.
In a cruel and sadistic slam, the country’s federal government
just rejected sweet 16-year-old Erin
Brooks‘ attempt to fly the maple leaf over Teahupo’o.
The surf prodigy who was born in Texas but raised in Hawaii has a
father who holds dual American-Canadian citizenship and a
grandfather who was born in Montreal.
Alas, that fine heritage was not enough for the powers that be.
In a letter explaining the decision not to grant a “discretionary
grant of citizenship,” to Brooks, Immigration, Refugees and
Citizenship Canada says she did not meet the requirements to go
full Canuck.
“The application is refused on the basis that the applicant is
not stateless, has not experienced special or unusual hardship or
provided services of an exceptional value to Canada which warrants
a discretionary grant of Canadian citizenship,” it said.
Three kinds of rude, right there.
Jeff Brooks, Erin’s papa, was frustrated but not bent, signaling
he will appeal the decision.
“She wants to surf [for Canada] because she wants to represent
her family and her heritage,” Jeff said in an interview with the
CBC. “And it’s just been an uphill battle … But I’m
proud that she’s sticking to her guns and she wants to go through
the complete process and give it everything she has. We’ve talked
about it. If it doesn’t work out and she does have to walk away one
day from Canada, she can do it with her head held high knowing she
gave it everything she had and she tried her best to represent the
country she feels the most tied to.”
Will Canada care or will red and white hearts remain frozen like
the tundra?
More as the story develops.
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"I got 800 bucks on Ewing to beat Toledo in two
straight heats!"
“Flattest winter since records began”
blamed for mental health epidemic among Australian surfers!
By Derek Rielly
"Surfers whinge if it's not good for three days,
let alone a couple of months. This year they had a legitimate
reason to complain."
Who don’t go nuts when the strong, well-muscled waves of
winter fail to show and surfers are left to fiddle and burn,
often more fiddling than burning?
According to coastal researcher Dr Mitch Harley from the
University of NSW, the waves have been “exceedingly flat. Usually,
winter waves are about 1.6 metres in height on average,” he told
ABC. “They were about 25 per cent lower at 1.3 metres, and we
haven’t seen any really large wave events over the entire
winter.”
Australian surf champ Matt Hoar told the ABC he’d never seen it
this bad.
“Surfers tend to whinge if it’s not good for three days, let
alone a couple of months. This year in particular they had a
legitimate reason to complain.”
Bega Valley counsellor Prem Kranti said surfers were hit
two-fold, the flat spell and memories of the Black Summer
bushfires from a few years back after a few early season fires
took hold.
“There are physical, mental, emotional and also spiritual
benefits of being in the ocean and out in nature,” she told ABC.
“For people on the south coast, the ocean also provides a strong
counterpoint to what has been damaged by bushfire.”
Another surfer, Alice Mood, echoed Kranti.
“You’re hearing on the radio about fires. When you’re in the
water you’re forgetting about it, you’re just having a good time so
it’s that time out. I was always cranky. I tried other avenues like
running, the gym and even gardening, but none of it cuts
it.”
I presume I’m
an oddity when it comes to flat spells. I wake, examine the
listless ocean, and am overjoyed I’ve been gifted another day
without the interference of surfing. Free from guilt, I can improve
my sauna game (four hits of twenty minutes in a crowded hot box
with quick dips in the ocean pool), wrestle without limit, wallow
in medieval literature and extend midday naps til dark and so
on.
Where do you fall? A lover of flat spells or does your mind tend
to the crazy?
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
