Take off, hoser.

Surfing’s grand entry into the Olympics has been a wonderful study in unity. A glorious reflection of John Lennon’s most pure ideals. “Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do…” Yes, thanks to the Olympics, Australian surfers instantly transform into Japanese surfers, Brazilian surfers transform into Irish surfers  and American surfers transform into…

…but wait, what jingoistic light through yonder window breaks? It is the north, and Canada is displaying wild, unfettered nationalism.

In a cruel and sadistic slam, the country’s federal government just rejected sweet 16-year-old Erin Brooks‘ attempt to fly the maple leaf over Teahupo’o. The surf prodigy who was born in Texas but raised in Hawaii has a father who holds dual American-Canadian citizenship and a grandfather who was born in Montreal.

Avoir le feu au cul!

Alas, that fine heritage was not enough for the powers that be. In a letter explaining the decision not to grant a “discretionary grant of citizenship,” to Brooks, Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada says she did not meet the requirements to go full Canuck.

“The application is refused on the basis that the applicant is not stateless, has not experienced special or unusual hardship or provided services of an exceptional value to Canada which warrants a discretionary grant of Canadian citizenship,” it said.

Three kinds of rude, right there.

Jeff Brooks, Erin’s papa, was frustrated but not bent, signaling he will appeal the decision.

“She wants to surf [for Canada] because she wants to represent her family and her heritage,” Jeff said in an interview with the CBC. “And it’s just been an uphill battle … But I’m proud that she’s sticking to her guns and she wants to go through the complete process and give it everything she has. We’ve talked about it. If it doesn’t work out and she does have to walk away one day from Canada, she can do it with her head held high knowing she gave it everything she had and she tried her best to represent the country she feels the most tied to.”

Will Canada care or will red and white hearts remain frozen like the tundra?

More as the story develops.

"There have been barely any comments supporting Selema Masekela."

To know Sal Masekela, who transitioned to Selema when it became personally beneficial, is to know him, as the saying goes. It was, then, with much shock that the millions upon millions who have never made his acquaintance received word of his breakup from Lupita Nyong’o.

The Academy Award-winning actress took to Instagram, yesterday, to both story and hard-post the demise of the relationship that had been robustly celebrated less than one year ago.

“At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust,” wrote Nyong’o, who won an Oscar for her performance in 12 Years a Slave. “I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception… I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love. And so, I am choosing to face the pain, cultivating the courage to meet my life exactly as it is, and trusting that this too shall pass.”

Extinguished by deception.

While fans rallied to Nyongo’s side, one writing “How do you fumble her???” Masekela barrel dodged by turning off the comments to his Instagram page.

All of them.

Thousands upon thousands of encouraging words praising the part-time surf commentator’s various self portraits.

“Masekela has not said anything and has turned off his Instagram comments,” the BBC reported, later adding, “There have been barely any comments supporting Masekela.”

Nyong’o’s channel is a different story with throngs of defenders. Amongst them are Marlon Wayans, of the famed Wayans brothers, who suggested, “Be kind to you as you heal. I always say whenever I have a break up ‘lucky me, I get to love ME again. I missed you me.’ Go love on you woman.”

But who is there to love Selema, besides Selema, that is, who has already been enjoying a years’ long affair with self? It must have been extremely difficult to turn off the shower of accolades he so clearly enjoyed.

Hopefully back on soon.

Fingers crossed.

Introducing "Chambers."

The Israeli-Hamas conflict is entering its second week and it is heart-wrenching. Mass innocent casualties, many more over the horizon. The entire world is bent and twisted with rage, while watching. Comedian Sarah Silverman tweeting that Palestinian babies don’t deserve water. Beverly Hills doctors going on unhinged screeds about “demonic, pedophile zionists.”

Civil discourse down the drain.

In light of these wildly polarized times, Surfline, the forecasting giant and official partner of the World Surf League, has quietly altered the name of a beloved wave on Oahu’s North Shore just up from the Banzai Pipeline.

Yes, Gas Chambers is now, officially, simply Chambers.

The other Gas Chambers, in Aguadilla, Puerto Rico, is also, formally, Chambers.

A “gas chamber” is not, in and of itself, evil or bad though the most common association is certainly with the horrors of World War II when Germany’s Nazis attempted to wipe Jewish people from the earth, often utilizing gas chambers in hellish concentration camps.

Now, do you think Surfline’s sensitivity, here, is long overdue or are you of the mind that history is history and changing names, destroying monuments etc. is an affront to sense?

Which “team” are you on and can you shout the opposing side into oblivion or jail?

Give it a go.