"There was room for error on the wave yet it still had power and a heavy barrel," writes Strider Wasilewski.
The world’s greatest athlete and, rapidly, one its most opportunistic businessmen, Kelly Slater, has brought a cavalcade of surfing champions to his eponymous wave pool in the Persian Gulf.
Two days ago, Kelly Slater drew back the curtain on the luscious bluewater wave, only the second of its kind ever, on the new gussied-up version of Hudayriyat Island in Abu Dhabi.
And, today, it can be revealed, he wasn’t the only surfing superstar to be invited to its unveiling.
The procession of stars included WSL in-water commentator Strider Wasilewski, noted for “attack dog tits”, three-time world champion Gabriel Medina, eight-time world champion Stephanie Gilmore, Caroline Marks, Jeremy Flores, “Human Viagra” Raimana Van Bastolaer, iconic filmmaker Taylor Steele, along with Kelly Slater’s former personal assistant Stephen “Belly” Bell.
Wasilewski’s take on the Kelly Slater pool is instructive.
“There was room for error on the wave yet it still had power and a heavy barrel,” writes Strider. The transitions and contour of the wave lend to your attack on it and the toob… The toob sections don’t chase you down, they lift you up and carry you forward. You can play on the foam ball of the toob and your heart races while it happens. Who knew, what’s next, WTF!”
The popular commentator drew myriad comments from fans including the once-Democratic hopeful and surfer Tulsi Gabbard.
“And the left,” wrote Gabbard, leaving a love heart emoji.
“A world class wave in the UAE! Thank you for making us feel incredibly welcome and congratulations for bringing the project to life!” wrote Stephanie Gilmore.
It’s been almost a decade since Slater unveiled his man-made miracle to the world in the American winer of 2015, and the day after the Brazilian surfer, Adriano De Souza, with whom he’d engaged with in a long-running blood feud had just won the world title.
The tank is part of a 51 million square metre development of the island that’ll add fifty-three clicks of coastline to the city, with attractions including a velodrome with a roof-top track, 220km of bike trails, a giant urban park, high-end residential communities built on two different hills affording 360-degree views of this paradise on the Persian Gulf.
Controversy has dogged the pool, however, with surfers swarming various Instagram pages. The argument, if it can be called such, is the Kelly Slater pool represents a cruel absurdity, with some even linking it to Gaza’s invasion of Israel.
(The UAE ain’t afraid to loose the hounds on its brother Muslims: “The military coalition led by Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates in Yemen has killed thousands of civilians in airstrikes, tortured detainees, raped civilians and used child soldiers as young as 8,” reports the NY Times.)
A popular refrain,
Gotta love it when that Middle Eastern money spigot pours in your direction and far away from the stupid environmental regulations of Australia and USA, Queensland, Coachella and Florida, all promised superb versions of the pool but were scuttled by pressure from community groups.
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Would have been peak Slater if he had invited Adriano on the trip.
He’s slipping in his old age.
What are the holding a camel stick?
“The transitions and contour of the wave lend to your attack on it and the toob” says freeloader Strides. No lending to mere mortals in the elitist pool and if you manage it the only thing getting toobed will be your future credit rating.
NonJohn prays to Jesus and Allah for a brain eating amoeba infestation. Kelly looks roided out
Haha
Toe-tally!
The men wear flowing dresses, and hold hands, and hold umbrellas for each other while holding hands, even though it’s not raining, while walking across grass that can’t exist in order to surf a wave that shouldn’t exist.
Fascinating.
⬆️ this is the real story right here
Who is Kelly looking to cane???
Excellent read.
i smell a vacuum cleaner to get rid of the dust bunnies…shaken then stirred…and the Abu Dubai talapia appetizer…and the Philipino maid and Fred Rogers and TheGirls in France…we all live together in this big machine. Nice, nice, very nice…
He nuked his account cos Huli was calling him out.
I hope the isralites build one in the gaza and it keeps all those jew agro areshole surfers at home.
From what I’ve seen the past few weeks they will empty the water out and hold a dude only dance party in it
Ok GB Journalism…who paid for all the business class airfares/Hotels and how much was the daily rate?
Saudi Arabia have approached me to broker a pool , twice the size , and will do surf contest with $1m for first…all expenses paid for any and all entourages…..greg Norman will meet you at the airport with a Limo…who’s in???
Money talks bullshit walks!!
You can become the next Raimana and yell at people from a jet ski.
only if it’s a closed /air conditioned pool.
The Dome…I have sensitive skin!
It’s over Brutus, the Saudis and the privileged few have it.
yes but there must be an angle a fossil can get on the gravy train/pool?
You blew the last one , but hey if you can pull it off again go for it.
which one was that again…ah so many???
top ten quotes, fav tv shows and shapin’ threads are favorable…GO!
idk, methinks you’re full of sheik
I think even you hinted? At the height of your wealth you may have been at your worst..? I can’t speak for anyone else Strider seems to be blessed by angel’s. Besides the point I think he is wrong about the foam ball. I don’t think a foam ball exist on this wave hence no spit..
He has an innate ability at getting jobs he isn’t really qualified for and tagging along on great trips.
Just watched his wave there. It looks worse, slower and less hollow than lemoore.
https://www.instagram.com/r…
oh yeah…the allusion of money/power and happiness…….and the need for more to quench the lust for more money /power and relevance…..
Abored Dahbi….
Anyone with a Stab Premium membership know if Bethany really nullified her contract over a trans ad campaign? I can’t imagine hating anything enough to give up 6 figure contract to do nothing but surf.
NDAs were seemingly signed by both parties, so Stab couldn’t confirm it, but it seemed highly likely that it was the cause of the rift. It was unclear which party pulled the plug! It was telling however that rip curl were the sponsors of the event in Portugal where Betty Lou was not allowed to were a Hamilton jersey on international women’s day
Sounds like a BeachGrit story! All gristle, no meat.
Sounds like my wang
I think you need a nana-nap after that rare admission of truth, Dez.
I’m sure you’ll get over it…..
All signs point to yes. What an absolute fuckwit. I don’t even reckon LGR (rip) would have done that.
When “keeping it real” goes wrong.
could be something called morals ……ah couldn’t be, or could it?
And she has probably made enough money on her life story to make that stance. I’m sure they’re are more than a few who need to play the part for job security?
Remind me again of which moral high ground you are taking to hate someone based on thier looks, gender etc.
11x WORLD CHAMPION!!*
*(but wears shorts with long black socks)
In that sweltering shit hole! Where are the Turtle moon slippas?
He’s looking more and more like a member of the Tracy family from Thunderbirds. I wonder if his pool can open up and launch a rocket into space?
Domey getting instruction on how to perform a wristy.
Or possibly learning how to whip labour units … hard to say.