O'Leary (pictured) favoring left arm over right.
O'Leary (pictured) favoring left arm over right.

In stunning overnight gambetto, Japan announces Australia’s Connor O’Leary will surf for Rising Sun in Olympics!

Let the games begin.

Japan has officially thrown its kasa into the five rings. Overnight, in a stunning move that will certainly have surf fans of geopolitical theater cackling, the Land of the Rising Sun announced that Australia’s Connor O’Leary will surf for its Olympic squad in Tahiti. The current world number 10 joins Huntington Beach’s Kanoa Igarashi and Chiba’s Reo Inaba on the stacked team that will certainly be a medal favorite at the “Cave of Skulls.”

Taking to Instagram, O’Leary declared, ““So excited to officially announce that I will be representing Japan at the Paris 2024 Olympics. Thank you to the NSA & the JOC for the incredible opportunity. Tahiti here we come.”

The aforementioned surf fans of geopolitical theater were shocked due to the fact that Japan gets to field three surfers, on the men’s side, instead of two. Brazil, of course, won an extra man slot, which will go to Gabriel Medina, after the nation of Order and Progress placed highest at the just-wrapped International Surfing Association’s World Surfing Games. Japan, everyone forgot and/or never knew, apparently won a bonus place for placing highest at some 2022 Huntington Beach competition.

Will the draw possibly set, which country is the official favorite heading into the July/August extravaganza? Brazil does have Medina, as mentioned, and Joao Chianca though the charger has been injured since a dramatic wipeout at Pipeline. It also sports Filipe Toledo who is scared and defensive. Like a recently bathed gerbil. The U.S. has John John Florence and Griffin Colapinto but that’s all. Australia, also shorted, has Jack Robinson and Ethan Ewing.

Japan, with Igarashi, Inaba and O’Leary has to be favorite adjacent though a brewing battle as to who is the “face” of Japanese surfing might undo the team like it has the great boy bands of old.

*NSYNC etc.

No?

Discuss.

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david fffff
david fffff
2 years ago

jfc

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago

moderators/interlopers/booth voices quads available…low volume low risk…FM? AM! Peniche?

Gil Gunderson
Gil Gunderson
2 years ago

Errrr I think you mean Lulu, Jen. Lulu Lulu Lulu Lulu Lulu ok Joe we fucking get it! You know Lulu!

Marvin Magdalene
Marvin Magdalene
2 years ago

Connor passed on Irish Stout & Iranians for Emperors Respect, Katannas & Gieshas. Fair enough. 🤷🏼‍♂️

pipspuss
pipspuss
2 years ago

Gieshas for the win.

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
2 years ago

Oh, Tainá. Wow, she’s like legitimately Brazilian!

Sellme fitzgobbins
Sellme fitzgobbins
2 years ago

Until she talks portuguese like a 5 year old

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
2 years ago

I thought she was #2?

Piskian
Piskian
2 years ago

Well,nips are meant to be milked.
Kanoa has big money sponnos in Asahi beer, Casio etc.
Can’t blame ’em for having a yen for grabbing the cash whilst they can.
Eddie Jones has been a master at it for years.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  Piskian

Eddie would go.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago

Connor-san can think himself fucking lucky because according to the rules he left his change of nation request too late and should not have been eligible. Must have gotten the “special consideration” from the IOC.

ILikeSurf
ILikeSurf
2 years ago

Pro surfers – still complete fuckheads

Com Turren
Com Turren
2 years ago

Imagine being a guy born and raised in Japan, who learned to surf in Japan, and who otherwise might have had one of the Olympic spots that Kanoa and Conner now occupy, have to sit at home this summer and watch these Western born and raised CT surfers who have never lived full time in Japan, and who ditched their respective flags for the Rising Sun well after their professional careers were already under way

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  Com Turren

Probably would not have encountered this issue if the IOC still had an amateur-athlete requirement.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
2 years ago
Reply to  Com Turren

Oh well, should’ve surfed better.

Repenter
Repenter
2 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Damn. Should we root for the best surfers in the best waves, or the most *insert nationality* surfers getting completely fucked the fuck up so that the point can be proven that surfing is hard and not for everyone all of the time everywhere?

To be honest, I’m not sure myself.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Bit like crowded house and split enz.

V3 Rocket
V3 Rocket
2 years ago
Reply to  Com Turren

I skimmed the article and thought for a minute you were talking about Conner Coffin

Shredy Kruger
Shredy Kruger
2 years ago

O’Reary?!!!…

QuikRustyBongRip
QuikRustyBongRip
2 years ago
Reply to  Shredy Kruger

The stab audience liked this joke a little more last week–proving that frequenters of beachgrit have a more sophisticated pallet.

No Feelings
No Feelings
2 years ago

What happened to Ethan Wing? I thought he was surfing for Australia, too.

Lairds biome
Lairds biome
2 years ago
Reply to  No Feelings

Nah, he’s flying

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
2 years ago

How is Brazil’s hunt for a third woman who surfs going?

Com Turren
Com Turren
2 years ago

They’ll give it to Gabby’s half-sister.

justiceminister
justiceminister
2 years ago

As if there were any doubt.
Let the flagship games of convenience begin.
Just to note that Brazil have another doughty competitor taking part. Though he’s pretending to be something he’s not. Forza Jesse.

ricmatic
ricmatic
2 years ago

lets call it what it is – A mercenary disguised as a patriot,

I’d to it too but Im a full career/money whore.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
2 years ago

Igarashi is just hello kitty of surfing.

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
2 years ago

or K-pop? Ahh…Nevermind thats Korean.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

J pop!

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
2 years ago

Iggy pop!

Marvin Magdalene
Marvin Magdalene
2 years ago

🎶” I am a passenger & I’ll ride & I’ll ride.” Piggy Op

Andy C
Andy C
2 years ago

When’s sharp eye bringing out the tamagotchi model ?

Mapski
Mapski
2 years ago

He’d have a better shot at a medal in speed walking.

Otto
Otto
2 years ago

So, do I watch Paris Olympics 2024 Breakdancing as a warm-up for Olympic Surfing, or as a cool-down to Olympic Surfing?

https://youtu.be/yg-OoztAOn…

pipspuss
pipspuss
2 years ago
Reply to  Otto

What in the wide wide world of WHAT THE FUCKS!! You’re serious about the breakdancing.

Otto
Otto
2 years ago
Reply to  pipspuss

Oh yeah, fucking breakdancing is now an Olympic sport. It got approved for Paris at the same time as surfing. Super fucking weird if you ask me.

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
2 years ago

“Recently bathed gerbil” is the most important take away from this article

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
2 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Particularly so since it refers to Pip’s cowardly performances at spots such as Chopes. It’s a fitting comparison, for sure.

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
2 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Particularly, where had the gerbil been to require the wash.

Snowbored
Snowbored
2 years ago

Japanese fans are gonna have a hard time pronouncing his last name…..”O’ Reary”!

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
2 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

Well played

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

Well Prayed

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

I dated a girl in japan whose email address was “chocoratecake@” jeez i lol”d.

Andy C
Andy C
2 years ago

What do you call a Japanese lady with one leg longer than the other?

Irene


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