Chas Smith on Kelly Slater becoming a baby daddy at 52!

"Who amongst us could hate the announcement of new life?"

Confirmed bachelor and self-described absentee daddy, Kelly Slater, surprised the surf world yesterday when he announced that his Chinese-American girlfriend was heavy with child.

Rumours had been swirling, as the metaphor goes, for months.

“This whole story is related to your favourite surf website BeachGrit,” says Chas Smith in the latest episode of Chas Smith Hates Surfing. “I had heard from a trusted source that they’d seen Kalani Miller out the front of their house hiding a baby bump. This source was uncertain so I asked another trusted source who confirmed the pregnancy.”

But, here, a dilemma.

“This information came to me weeks ago. But what should I do? Publish this happy news? Break open the story? Or should I allow Kelly Slater and Kalani Miller the chance to do it the way they want to do it?”

Chas Smith chose the latter.

“I wanted to let them to have the opportunity to announce the pregnancy with hands on belly, a happy song, a joyous pronouncement that there will be one more Kelly Slater in the world.”

“Now, adroit surf fans know Kelly Slater is already a father but has admitted to being absentee for much of his daughter’s life. Kelly now has another chance to be a father.”

What kind of daddy is Kelly Slater going to be?

Hands on, hovering, best pals?

And, you, who are already daddies, what advice do you give to Kelly Slater?

Put your answers and advice in the comments.

Slater (pictured) celebrating.
Slater (pictured) celebrating.

“It’s a girl!” Surf champion Kelly Slater to have daughter for second time in legendary career

Pink champagne all around!

We all, today, learned the very important and valuable lesson of preserving the solemnity of significant and personal announcements. Kelly Slater and longtime girlfriend Kalani Miller shared, yesterday, that she was pregnant. Now, I had been told this fact two or three weeks ago but decided to do the right thing and let the happy couple disclose on their own time, in their own way.

That aside, I heard a fresh rumor today from an impeccable source that the bundle of joy is, in fact, a girl.


Slater will now, officially, be a two-time daughter farther. His eldest, 28 and an artist of note. His youngest yet to decide on a career path.

Now, if left to their own devices, how do you think the 11x surf champion and bikini maven Miller would have shared the news? With a gender reveal party, toxic pink smoke or turtle-killing pink balloons let into the air all to the refrain of Jack Johnson’s 2009 standard My Little Girl?

Heaven forbid.

Doing the GOAT a solid here.

He’s welcome.

Jordy Smith upsets locals with development at Jeffreys Bay
Jordy Smith upsets locals with plan to build gorgeous terraced lawn overlooking Supertubes, a wave he is synonymous with.

Battlelines drawn at Jeffreys Bay as Jordy Smith bulldozes sand dunes to build private grassy knoll

Atmosphere at one-time surfer hippy utopia toxic, say locals!

The one-time world title contender Jordy Smith has fallen foul of Jeffreys Bay locals and the law after it was revealed he’d started clearing coastal dunes to create a gorgeous terraced lawn overlooking Supertubes, a wave which he is synonymous with. 

According to a report in South Africa’s The Sunday Times, 

“The municipality confirmed the work did not have the necessary authorisation though it appears (Jordy) Smith may not have been aware he was breaking the law.” 

The thirty-seven-year-old world number four had only recently bought into the famous area and was unaware, perhaps, of the “broader Jeffreys Bay tussle over development in the Supertubes and Surfer’s Point areas, which used to  be a pristine dune belt before the concrete mixers moved in.”

The Kouga Municipality, which deals with such things, had stopped all dune work in the area and after it was made aware of the work on Jordy Smith’s house “spoke to the contractor appointed by the landowner (and said) the work undertaken can’t continue and that there is specific authorisation needed for any work in that area.” 

Clearing dunes, stabilising dunes, whatever you say y’doing, is a grey area and one that’s being played out in beachfront homes all across the world as homeowners try and stop the inevitable and devastating effects of erosion. 

It don’t matter if you’re Jordy Smith, Kelly Slater or Freddy Pattachia and your joint is falling into the drink, councils, for the most, have adopted the mantra that beachfront houses have gotta be sacrifice to the climate change gods.

Back in Jeffreys Bay, locals say that home owners are gussying up their joints “under the guise of emergency dune work. The residents requested anonymity on account of a ‘toxic’ atmosphere and angry confrontations over the ‘rehabilitation’ work in a town once considered hippy surfer heaven.”

What is even more wild, I think, is how cheap it is to set up on the point there at Jeffreys Bay. Even a cursory stroll through the Jeffreys Bay shows bargain after bargain.

Like this four bedder with dazzling views of one of the best waves in the world for $650k.

South Africa has it problems, of course, but nothing a glass-strewn wall, sturdy security and a wall cabinet with automatic weapons lashed inside can’t solve.

Smith (insert) removing himself from the happy news.
Smith (insert) removing himself from the happy news.

Surf journalist praised for preserving solemnity of Kelly Slater – Kalani Miller pregnancy announcement

"He did the right thing."

Over two weeks ago, now, a message popped into my feed that was “very cool” to quote Joe Turpel. A trusted source, you see, had just seen surf great Kelly Slater’s longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, sitting out front the couple’s North Shore Oahu home looking very clearly with child. The vital information was even fact checked, in real time, as the eyewitness asked a companion with more experience with such things.

Double confirmed. Secret li’l baby bump.

And here we had it, the scoop of the early 2024 World Surf League Championship Tour season. The greatest of all-time giving fatherhood a second go. The earth to be re-blessed with fine DNA.

It would, for sure, be a banger of an expose bolstering BeachGrit‘s healthy reputation as “the first name in news” and “fair and balanced” though right when I was about to throw headline and dig into the work of The People™ paused.

How would Slater and Miller want the information broadcast? Leading an ultra hard surf candy day is an honor, no doubt, but the look/feel the couple was going for?


After much consideration, I thought, “They would probably like to handle the announcement themselves,” and went on introduce the surf reading public to Lighting rod former Huntington Beach planning commissioner Michael Hoskinson.

As the days ticked by, Slater ditching Portugal yet traveling to Australia’s Gold Coast in order to score good waves, I wondered how the couple was doing? The 11x surf champion FaceTiming home and keeping up to date on doctor visits etc.? The gorgeous glow of anticipation settling in normally and naturally without added scrutiny?

A happy season?

I hoped so.

And yesterday, when the common-law duo took to social media with stunning black and white photos set to Ben Harper’s The Three of Us, I knew I did the right thing.

My announcement would have been full bleed color including this image…

…and no Ben Harper but, rather, Three Imaginary Boys by The Cure.

To each his own, at the end.

Congrats to Kellani.

Stephanie Gilmore, under fire for partnering with Woolworths.
Stephanie Gilmore, under fire for spruiking controversial Australian supermarket giant Woolworths.

Surfing legend Stephanie Gilmore slammed by fans over supermarket sponsorship

“Really sad, Step…”

The world’s greatest-ever female surfer Stephanie Gilmore has come under fire after an innocuous post of the eight-time champ eating an apple on Instagram whipped surf fans into a righteous fury.

The post, a paid partnership with Australian supermarket giant Woolworths, was bought to push healthy eating and exercise habits on the country’s flaccid and chubby and altogether unappealing children, brittle spines bent over their telephones, dirty fingers stabbing away at the virtual buttons.

A fine initiative, whoever is pushing the buttons.

As Stephanie Gilmore writes,

“I’ve partnered with the @woolworths_au team to help Aussie groms learn how to pick the best waves and the best fuel to keep them surfing all day! Head to the Woolworths Pick Fresh Play Fresh hub and through fun games & activities you can learn and go into the draw to win great prizes, including 1-1 time with me!”


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Stephanie (@stephaniegilmore)

A harmless enough post and on-game for the wholesome champ who counts Sanitarium, a company owned by a strict Protestant group called The Seventh Day Adventists whose central belief is that the Second Coming is just around the corner, as a long-time sponsor.

Surf fans, however, were unimpressed.

You are a brilliant role model Steph and I love the intent here – but are Woolworths a good values match?

Great achievement in Surfing, but please lose Woolworths. Absolute bandits when it comes to supporting our farmers, and they couldn’t even have Aus flags for Australia Day.

Steph FYI East, big grocery stores, including Woolworths just destroying the farmers and the government. It’s also unfair know you need to honey, but not with Woolworths bad news! Wish you All the Best!

Whoa! Siri sure did mess up that! Naughty All major big grocery stores like Woolies treating the farmers with No respect!

Love you as a sportswoman, but Woolworths are ripping off everyone including the farmers. Really sad Steph

You are better than helping those grubs out

Lost me on this one.woolies are thieves.

Stephanie Gilmore is a good role model and athlete. Probably not a good partner choice. I don’t think there monopolizing ways align with her own morals. Similar to when you get to your naturopath early and bump into them smoking outside!

Give them the flick Steph, they insult Australians with their greed

And on and on it goes.

The supermarket giant Woolworths, which runs the food biz in Australia alongside Coles, came under fire during those heady days post-COVID when grocery prizes skyrocketed, accused of price gouging and so on.

The company has also been accused of shafting farmers and suppliers and, lately, being “woke” after dumping its Australia Day merchandise.