Worst night ever?
There are bad evenings and then there is Ben Affleck’s last night. Quite possibly the biggest individual bummer of all time. The whole business began to go off the rails when the Boston actor stepped to the microphone at Tom Brady’s roast. He was immediately called out, by those watching, for odd plastic surgery before he opened his freshly sculpted mouth.
Now, as most know, a roast is an age old affair wherein some rich or famous soul opens his or herself up to ridicule from notable personalities. In Brady’s case, Kevin Hart teed off on his ex-wife Gisele Bündchen, heavily linked to surf great Kelly Slater post split, wound up with her longtime Brazilian jiujitsu instructor.
The mini comedian began speaking about how Brady had left former New England Patriots’ coach Bill Belichick high and dry for fleeing the team some three years back.
“You f–ked him. You f–ked him good,” Hart declared. “You did, Tom, you f–ked your coach, but let me tell you something people … that’s what you’ve got to do to maintain your happiness. You sometimes got to f–k your coach. You know who else f–ked their coach? Gisele. She f–ked that karate man.”
Sizzle, but clearly in the spirit of the game.
Others, like comedian Nikki Glaser, highlighted Brady leaving his then-pregnant girlfriend Bridget Moynahan for the aforementioned Brazilian supermodel.
“But seriously, Tom, you’re the best to ever play for too long,” she offered also forgetting Kelly Slater. “You retired, then you came back and then you retired again, I get it, it’s hard to walk away from something that’s not your pregnant girlfriend it’s tough.”
Burn city.
And back to Affleck. The lightly talented 51-year-old took his time to fire bullets at us, those “behind keyboards,” shooting, “Fans have your back. You guys out there talking s – – t, all right, behind your f – – king keyboard, that doesn’t make you a fan. That makes you a bitch. I can’t think of a more f – – ked up, dysfunctional, horrible working system designed to perpetually make people feel awful,” he continued, referencing the BeachGrit commentariat.
The audience sat stone-faced and he knew he had bombed though that was not his biggest loss for news had leaked, moments earlier, that his famous wife Jennifer Lopez was hooking up with the world’s favorite surfing DJ Paul Fisher for a new track.
Per Broadway World:
Setting the tone for summer 2024, Grammy-nominated DJ and producer FISHER is teaming up with the inimitable Jennifer Lopez on an adaptation of the icon’s 90’s classic ‘Waiting For Tonight’, out May 3rd on his own label Catch & Release.
‘Waiting For Tonight’ offers a modern take on the original Jennifer Lopez classic that became a global phenomenon after its release in 1999. The record broke the Top 10 across multiple Billboard charts, went multi-platinum in 5 countries including the UK, Australia, France and Belgium, and simultaneously earned Lopez her first Grammy nomination.
And there is absolutely zero way that Lopez didn’t swoon, gazing at Fisher’s elan with hungry eyes.
Respect and love for the bumblin’ stumblin’ fumblin’ hubby gone, girl.
Ouch.
While mourning Ben Affleck do you care to snap along to the new tune? Well, here you are.
