Tom Curren (pictured) enjoying some no. 1 surf destination in the world.
Tom Curren (pictured) enjoying some no. 1 surf destination in the world.

Weeping in Hawaii as unexpected interloper nabs coveted “no. 1 surf destination in the world” title

Chas Smith

By

"Nobody saw it coming..."

There is a glum pall in Hawaii today. Huntington Beach too and also Australia’s Gold Coast, its west coast, as well, plus Brazil, South Africa, New Zealand, Indonesia, Mexico, Costa Rica, Fiji, Tahiti and Lemoore. The respected travel insurance experts at confused.com, you see, has just dropped its much-anticipated list of “best surf spots in the world” based on “wave quality and surfer satisfaction via data from Surf-Forecast, and overall search interest via Google search data.”

After a lengthy drum roll, and crunching of numbers, Hossegor, located along the southwest coast of France, was pronounced number one.

Not San Clemente and its Lower Trestles.

Nor Bondi and its beach.

Per Travel + Leisure:

“Hossegor ranks as the best destination for surfing in the world, with an overall score of 8.16/10. Hossegor offers reliable, excellent conditions for surfing and is known for its hollow and fast-breaking waves favored by experienced surfers. It has an average surfer rating of 4.25, and 48 percent of the recorded waves are clean and surfable.” The team also noted in the results that the best time to visit is during the region’s fall shoulder season in October when flights and hotels are at their cheapest.

Who saw this coming?

Not those who sold the everything in order to live in a small camper van Byron Bay adjacent.

Nor those who call Sayulita home.

Mavericks, near San Francisco, was somehow no. 2 followed by Tofino in Canada.

Travel + Leisure must have felt some doubt as to the validity of 1) Hossegor 2) Mavs 3) Tofino so called “our friends at The Inertia” to fully demean itself. Zach Weisberg and crew provided 1) Waikiki 2) Nosara, Costa Rica 3) Cocoa Beach, Florida.

What complete nerds.

Like, all the way embarrassing.

Do better, The Inertia.

Surf Equity (left) reliably hilarious.
Surf Equity (left) reliably hilarious.

“Rage over the rainbow” as anti-feminist Surf Equity accuses longboard shaper of hijacking pride flag

Chas Smith

By

Dog whistles galore.

One of the most comedically satisfying troupes in our shared space is, undoubtedly, the Committee for Equity in Women’s Surfing. Founded in the middle 2010s, the organization set out championing equal pay, equal access and other noble ideals by, and here’s the joke, attacking women. The Andy Kaufman-esque routine, aiming for a complex laugh, has skewered Keala Kennelly, Bethany Hamilton and Jess Miley-Dyer, among others.

Now, in a development of further waggish material, the non-profit is setting its sights on a longboard shaper who used a rainbow motif on one of his craft. Todd Messick, whom the gang humorously described as “an anti-LGBTQI bigot,” had shared an image to Instagram, obviously opening the door for jokes and giggles.

The question, I suppose, does the rainbow actually belong to the LGBTQI brand or is it, rather, the Ramaytush Ohlone peoples’ who are the original inhabitants of what is now the San Francisco Peninsula. “As Guests,” Surf Equity pens on its chuckle-a-minute website, “we recognize that we benefit from living and working on their traditional homeland, and we affirm their sovereign rights as first peoples.”

The capital G for “Guest” and lowercases for “first” and “peoples” a likely racist dog whistle taking attention from the otherwise lighthearted fare.

In any case, whose rainbow is it?

Todd’s, Surf Equity’s or the Ramaytush Oholone?

More as the story develops.

Jerry Seinfeld surfing
"If I could have spent my entire life just living broke and being a surf bum and every day paddle out and spend a few hours a day surfing, that’s as good a life as any life you could have," says Jerry Seinfeld.

On seventieth birthday Jerry Seinfeld reveals, “I follow every surfer on Instagram”

Derek Rielly

By

"Every day I stare at them like a cat looking at a bird through the window."

The co-creator of Seinfeld, Brooklyn-born Jerry Seinfeld, has revealed a lifelong fetish for surfing in an interview with People magazine, a celeb mag with sixty-mill readers.

Jerry Seinfeld, who turns seventy today, owned TV from the late nineties until, almost, the birth of the 21st century with his comedy Seinfeld, which ran from 1989 to 1998.

Seinfeld played a fictionalized version of himself, the straight man with a perpetual poker face to his three tightly wound pals, George, Elaine and Kramer.

Seinfeld was also noted for injecting his melon-red tongue into a diff gal every episode, something noted to great comic effect in the spin-off series Curb Your Enthusiasm by Larry David’s sidekick Leon.

“Every week you get your new ass, every fucking show…you meet some new chick and I know you fucking people,” Leon tells Jerry.

None of it – the cash, the gals, the houses, pretty cars – means anything, however, ‘cause Jerry Seinfeld never surfed and it eats the old New Yorker up.

“I follow every surfer on Instagram,” Seinfeld told People magazine. “Every day I stare at them like a cat looking at a bird through the window. The thing I would like to do more than anything is get up on a surfboard and ride a wave. That would be the dream of my life.”

Compare chasing waves to working a six-week season of twelve-to-sixteen hour shifts, real tough yards even if you’re pulling in thirteen gees for every line.

“I think if I could have spent my entire life just living broke and being a surf bum and every day paddle out and spend a few hours a day surfing, that’s as good a life as any life you could have,” he said.

Spin the table.

Would you give up your life in the ocean for a few hundred mill in the bank, a mirrored white-and-gold bedroom and a conga-line of radiant sex slaves with bush that bulges from their lil panties?

Greater Building Society – “Surfer” with Jerry Seinfeld from Joe Morris on Vimeo.

 

Open Thread: Comment Live on Day Four of the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro

Chas Smith

By

No Kelly, no problem.

Logan Murray. Wanted.

Famed New Zealand surf photog Logan Murray recalls being told he would “have all fingers broken” over iconic images

Chas Smith

By

Danger bay.

For those outside Oxnard’s feared Silver Strand, surf localism is mainly a thing of the past. Ubiquitous cellular cameras that double as telephones are everywhere, capturing “bad behavior.” Hordes of adult learners, who took up our pastime of kings during Covid, are just as happy to sue for damages as they are to drop in willy nilly. Maintaining lineup order, thus, a virtually extinct part time job.

Yes, it’s a different world but not long ago, death threats and mob-like warnings that “all fingers would be broken” were part of the norm. Enter Logan Murray. The famed New Zealand surf photographer responsible for putting Kiwian waves on the map has sat down with the team at 1 news and is sharing all, including being a wanted man and having to live like a sniper in order to snap the ocean.

Essential viewing though do you have opinions?

Are they well-formed?

Share either way.

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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