"Teahupo'o is no joke and you've gotta make a decision with yourself..."

Teahupo’o, or Head Place, is in the rearview mirror as the World Surf League’s Championship Tour swings toward Central then South America. Yes, the El Salvador Pro opens its waiting period wide in just four days with the Rio Pro coming directly on its heels. Afterward, though, the cream of the crop will retrace carbon footprints back to Tahiti in order to ready themselves for the Olympic Games.

Now, many of the hopefuls excel “at the end of the road,” their courage and skill just highlighted. Vahine Fierro, John John Florence, Gabriel Medina, Jack Robinson and Ramzi Boukhiam to name but five. Others, like Jordy Smith and Kanoa Igarashi also performed well, showcasing work put in over the years to navigate the terror.

And then there is the case of Filipe Toledo.

The current world surf champion, sitting out the tour this year but still-Olympic bound, was at Head Place just prior to the Pro and felt it a good idea to post an unfinished baby barrel to his social media as proof. Maybe he was unaware of the forecast, that actual waves were coming and they would actually be ridden, providing stark contrast to his efforts. In any case, Toledo’s unwillingness to paddle Teahupo’o has been a major storyline heading into the Olympics. His historic 0.0 heat total and inability to give effort when in a heat with two old-timers legendary. Calls for him to relinquish his spot grew to a roar after countryman Italo Ferreira’s win. Ferreira the odd man out on Brazil’s overstocked squad.

But Toledo has shown no sign of abdicating, defiantly clutching his pearls. Well, one of the aforementioned old-timers, Kelly Slater, who just so happened to reach the quarterfinals in the most recent running, just offered advice to the timid lion. In celebration of week, Slater wrote, “Tahiti has been amazing. The energy, the people, the surf… if you could only bottle it up for everyone to experience. Thanks of all the support and fun this week from family, friends and fans alike.” The 56-year-old then went on to describe his experience and praise those put their heads down before remarking, “Teahupo’o is no joke and you’ve gotta make a decision with yourself if you want it and disregard what the brain is saying at times.”

Certainly easier said than done but also great advice. With under two months remaining until the lighting of the torch will Toledo turn off his brain and become the greatest sporting story ever told or… not? I, for one, am very much cheering for Filipe Toledo, wishing more than anything to be put right in my head place.

He will be surfing against Igarashi in the opening round.

More as the story develops.

Who in our water world has the potential to rock n roll?

The 2024 World Surf League Championship Tour is well over halfway finished, now, and it is clear that the women are the story of the year. Opening with blistering performances at Pipeline, taking their talents to Snapper (on the Challenger Series, sure, but the Molly P. barrel) and then, of course, Teahupo’o with mesmerizing performances from Tati Weston-Webb, Brisa Hennessy and Vahine Fierro.

Bravos all around though… if I might nitpick… there are no “female John Daly’s” in the crew.

Yesterday, one of those rare gems was discovered in golf. The English linkswoman Charly Hull, currently 8th in the world, was signing autographs outside the U.S. Open earlier in the week, looking relaxed and ripping a grit. John Daly is, of course, famous for maybe being John John Florence’s dad and also smoking, drinking, etc. whilst golfing.

Fans were very impressed, one writing, “Dude she just lit up another in front of me.”

What made it even better, was her golf pal had a pic of Hull hacking, showed it to her and elicited peels of laughter.

Back to our surfing, though. Who in the draw has the potential to rock n roll in this manner? Caity Simmers is a good possible option, what with her expletive-filled celebration after taking the Pipe Masters in January and is just barely old enough to buy a pack of darts though cannot yet legally purchase booze, or at least not in these United States.

Australia’s Tyler Wright a possibility with “feral mongrel bogan” and mullets in her bloodline?

What about Johanne Defay all Gauloises and red wine?

Help before golf buries our cool once and for all!

"Welcome to the Kill Zone, pal."

Now, it must be assumed that race car legend Lewis Hamilton, who drives for the prancing horse, has stared death in the eye many times. Smashing into walls at 160 mph, flipping through the air, being smothered by groupies wishing to drown in his doe-like eyes but apparently those don’t brushes with mortality, or morality as it were, do not even register. For, yet again, the very cute 39-year-old went into detail about his friend, surf great Kelly Slater, and the clammy grip of Davey Jones. You’ll recall previous re-tellings here, here and here.

The latest, though, came as Hamilton was mowing through a plate of hot wings wherein he shared:

Biggest wipeout I had I was with Kelly Slater, on Pipeline. It was like 20ft waves (at Pipeline) and Kelly was like “there’s no way you’re coming out there. You’re crazy.” I turn around and see this set of four waves coming and that for me was like: “it’s over, it’s all over.” As I threw my board, I dove down and grabbed the reef and I could hear this wave crash behind me. My board got ripped and snapped in half. I came back up, obviously gasping for air and the next one was coming so back down, grabbed the reef again as another wave comes over. So I did that three times. I got up, I’d nearly run out of air. I’d nearly drowned, but managed to swim back from there.

Left out from the earlier versions was that Slater had dared him to paddle out. Interesting, I suppose, that this is such a core memory. If I had a dollar for every “almost drowned” story from my Oregon days I’d have probably six dollars.

In any case, how do you feel, generally, about chicken wings. A fan who seeks out various “Wing Wednesday” promotions or someone who scoffs at the waste? Also, if a fan, what is your preferred sauce? I’ll say, for me, it’s really hard to beat straight up original buffalo.

Debate time.